It is so weird. I am not starving. I am not struggling. I am just living and I am losing. My whole life weight loss has been a battle and struggle but it isn't now. I just feel amazing and happy and gah!!!

I am now down to 222 lbs. I am hoping that by next week I will hit the 70lbs mark. I am also starting to workout and run again.

I am so freaking sick and tired of people. Seriously, who died and made them all doctors. Shut your traps about my tummy and may food and my reactions. When YOU have your surgery come talk to me, Until then just shut it and cheer me on. If you don't intend to change ANYTHING about YOUR lifestyle while I go through this they you REALLY need to shut it. GRRRRRRR

Why yes I have totally had it today. I have had it with my SO and her family constantly going out to eat. I am tired of all

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So,

Let's get the good out of the way first. Down 45lbs since I started my pre-op diet. Down 25lbs since surgery and on track to be down 50 by the end of the week. That would mean -50lbs in 9 weeks. *cabbage patch*

Now to the down side. I want food so freakin bad. I want to eat something other than a frackin sweet potato, cottage cheese, yogurt or another frackin smoothie.

I don't even want "bad " food. Like some sashimi would be awesome possibly

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So I have always had a love / hate relationship with food. In the past it was I love food and hate myself for loving it. Now it is really love / hate about food and it is getting in the way of my moving forward.

This is the deal, I started adding soft foods to my diet and it hasn't been a rousing success. I have been miserable with the "mama birding" . So a large part of me doesn't want to eat. Then there is the other part of me that is so frakin sick of the foods I can

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So last night the evil little addiction voice decided to come out. It wasn't that I made a bad choice, it was that I lashed out at my partner when she questioned why I was making that choice. I'll get into the details later, but after thinking about it I realized why I lash out. It has nothing to do with good choice / bad choice it has to do with any questioning of my choice period. Food is the one thing I feel like I have control over. I have spent my life being a good soldier and doing things

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