Hi all,
I have met someone on eharmony and he has asked me out to coffee on Sunday. I accepted and found a sitter. He knows that I had surgery in February and am still recovering. I'm nervous about all this. I can have a coffee without answering questions. Everyone except my close family knows I had abdominal surgery but not exactly what it is. I have had lots of tummy problems like reflux and swallowing issues so I just said I was getting something done to help that. Do you guys think I need to be honest with this man or do I just let it go. If things progress and he happens to see my scars at some point he won't be surprised because he knows I had surgery. When or if do you think it's important to tell someone you are dating post surgery? Once I'm back onto a normal diet as of next Thursday I can just use the diminished capacity of my stomach due to surgery for why I'm not eating as much. I couldn't do that on fluids or mushy food. I suppose I will tell Someone when it becomes serious. I believe in full honesty and I don't want to lie.

I can't tell if I'm freaking out about the date itself or recovery and dating? I feel totally self concious about my body and scars but as the weight is coming off my clothes are looking better so I'm feeling better about that. Any comments are welcomed! I wish I was just married still and didnt have to worry about this crap. I wasn't trying to meet anyone, haven't purposely for two years but he pursued me so I have to at least have a coffee with the guy and see if there is anything there. I had planned on waiting until I got down to my goal weight before I started looking. Help, I'm freaking out obviously.

hi I had surgery in July. I have been on a few dates since. Each time I flat out put it out there and tell them up front. I usually do it at dinner so they understand why im barely eating lol. So far it has not turned any of them off and they continued to call me or ask me out again. This is just how I do it. Good luck :-)

I would not feel any need to disclose your surgery or anything else too soon in the relationship. I'm not saying hide it forever...I'm just saying wait and see how things go and then maybe tell him down the road once you are in a relationship. I think it's more obvious to us that we are not eating as much than it is to other people. That's my plan if I ever have a date again... :-)
Just have fun!!!

I believe you are simply nervous before a date. Don't forget you have nothing to hide, like STD or an artificial leg.....
If he ask, just tell the truth and hint about how good looking you are going to be really soon !
No really, just relax and enjoy your coffee.

Lol. Yeah I think you're right about being nervous. I don't have high expectations from his photos but we seem to have similar values and personality so who knows. I can only be who I am and let the rest just happen. I've disclosed the fact that I'm widowed, had surgery, have a seven year old full time. I think that's enough before going further. I figure that that info is only fair to share because it might be a deal breaker for some men. I agree that when and if things become exclusive or serious then I will share. I mean if it goes well he's going to figure something is up when I'm losing weight and eating so little, lol. Thanks guys. I hate dating. I've only had one significant relationship in my life and I married him and thought I would never be back here again and alone with a child makes it even harder to date that I haven't had the urge but I figure if he's ok with all my issues and he's perusing me I have to check it out. I've been praying for god to send me someone so he may be it, he may not but its good experience I suppose. Also, I need a break from my kidlet for adult conversation.

Hey Lissy I loved reading your original question and then your follow note. I can sense the panic in the first and the return to sanity in the last.
I agree that you have said enough already - have your coffee and relax and allow yourself to enjoy that time with this new person.
It's only coffee.

I don't hide the fact that I had gastric sleeve surgery from anyone. It never would have even occurred to me to hide it. I do not understand why someone would.

Hey there I was wondering how it went. Hope you had a great time.

I chose to tell several close friends and co-workers and my mother told all the rest! At first I was mad at her but then I realized it is so much easier to just be out in the open since it is a big process and life changer - now, I'm glad I have because I think for the most part it encourages people, and people have shown respect for me when they know. But there are many that have only heard of bad things and have wanted to share all the gruesome details - so be prepared for that as well!!