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No support

  1. shaelya
    I've decided to have my surgery in MX, as my insurance doesn't cover WLS.

    After telling my boyfriend of my decision, he told me he is completely against it. Mentioned every stereotypical thing that could go wrong. He says he is 100% behind me if I get it done in the states, yet he isn't offering to help pay for it here....if I do it in MX he says I'm on my own and he'd rather me stay the size I am.

    The two surgeons I have narrowed it down to is Dr. Quinones, or Dr. Rodrigruez with BeliteWeight.

    Is there anything I can show him or tell him to prove that it's safe and I'm not going to wake up minus a kidney or end up raped or robbed?
  2. Collins koan
    Collins koan
    I had my surgery in mexico. If they robbed and stole
    from foreigners they wouldnt be able to perform surgeries
    people would avoid. I am 7 weeks post. I have lost 78 lbs
    and I have not had a single problem. I would do it again and I
    would refer friends and family to my surgeons.
  3. trying2live.right
    the best thing you can do for him and for you is to empower him with knowledge.
    Find the group on this site, on those that had it in Mexico and have him read their experience.
    Loved ones don't want to read just others success stories but their actual experience while in Mexico.
    I am having mine in Mexico on January 16 and my husband only really started to get excited for me and him (he wants to shop for boots while there), when he read the step by step process that others experienced, how involved the families get to be, and how common is become. You tube MEDICAL TOURISM, even Diane Sawyer had done a report on how popular and safe is become. Some companies are even paying because their insurance doesn't.
    I am going with Dr. ALMANZA thru weightlossagents.Com and their financing, regular calls, emails, etc have been great.
    Good luck and know we are all here for you.
  4. Luann
    You can share what you have researched with him, and how you came to your decision. Some people are willing to consider new information, others already have their mind set. Does he have a specific concern - like violence in TJ or honestly thinking patients have organs stolen while they are under? It's true that the hospitals in Mexico will be different than what you have in the US. At least the one I went to sure was, but it doesn't mean the surgeons are inferior or that patients typically have a bad result.
    This is a big decision & I hope he chooses to support you. At the risk of overstepping, have you spoke with him about why he thinks it is appropriate to turn his back on you if you choose not to have your sleeve in the US? I realize he may be trying to protect you from making a mistake, but in the end it is your life, your money and your decision. If you threatened to do the same if he made a health decision you did not approve of, I wonder how he would react.
  5. shaelya
    We just had the conversation. I told him about it 2 days ago, and tried to show him some of the forums and websites and stuff, but he wouldn't even look at it. Then today is when he called me and told me he didn't want any part of it. I haven't really digested it enough to decide how I want to respond to him yet. I feel like if he is truly worried about my wellbeing, then he would go with me and be glued to my side, even if he thinks it's a bad decision.
  6. WillowAK
    I had the same exact problem... Once I made my decision, I felt that just having the discussion was going to be a hassle. It took me weeks to bring it up to him. Once I did he reacted just as your boyfriend did. Pissed me off that he could be so ignorant. I tried to show him the literature and he wanted no part of it. I basically told him I was doing it with or without his support. I just stopped talking to him about it. Once surgery got closer he started asking me more and more questions. Questions that I had expected him to ask weeks before. Legitimate questions. He even asked if I wanted him to come with. I thought about it for a second and decided that was probably not a good idea for my wellbeing. Especially not after our initial discussions. I needed to feel good after surgery and not try to explain why things were being done the way they were. It's Mexico. Its a different type of care. So I had my surgery just 5 days ago by Dr. Alvarez. It was a really good experience. Things are done differently. You just have to get passed that. I would do it again in a second. Since getting home my boyfriend has been great.

    They are scared for us. I get that. But this isnt about him. Do what you feel is best for you!
    Good luck!!
  7. Leah4697
    I don't have any support, mostly because I don't have any family. I am going through it on my own and many people on here have gone to Mexico alone too. You have to make yourself a priority and do the things in life that make your life worth living. If a boyfriend can't support that, then he would be a horrible husband and you are wasting your time with him.
  8. shaelya
    Leah, I'm sorry you don't have anyone. You are welcome to keep in touch with me if you'd like! My mom and my sister both are supportive of my decision, and of me having it in MX, as they both understand how hard I've struggled over the years with my weight and know how much it means to me. My sister had RNY a couple of years ago, but she was able to have it here because her insurance covered her. Neither of them can make the trip with me though. I will need my mom to come up and keep an eye on my son for me while I am gone, and my sister has 4 kids of her own. So that's why I asked my bf to go with me. I'm really disappointed in his response. I am at a point that I am beginning to re-evaluate the relationship as whole, based on this and other things he has done/said. Sad.

    But, you all are right, I have to put myself and my needs first, for once. I am miserable, I dislike myself (physically), my joints hurt, I have no energy...I am not happy. My bf seems to think I can fix it all just by having more willpower and exercising more. Maybe he is right...but I have tried so hard to do it that way and my PCOS makes it near impossible. It's hard to keep a regular exercise routine when you have no energy. It's hard to keep your calories in check when you have raging hormones that take over and cause ridiculous cravings that you can't seem to control. I feel like this is my last hope of being able to have the fit and active life I really want.

    I really have no problem with going by myself. I'm very independent and love to travel. Sure, I'd feel better if I had someone with me, but I don't feel scared at the idea of going alone either. With all that said, I'm getting ready to schedule my date and put down the deposit
  9. trying2live.right
    I'm glad that you are getting closer to making that decision. Funny but so many of us are where we are at health wise because we put everyone needs and everyone's opinions in front of our own.
    Put yourself first this time, no matter what.
    Also, I notice the more I read that it becomes a family gathering of sorts when you get to mexico, because you are there with other sleeves there doing the same thing. Many you will know thru this very site, so you will not be alone.
    Keep posting so we can walk this journey with you.
  10. Lolo2
    It is what every one worries about, I am from Canada, we have a great medical system here but long waits for WLS. My GP supported my decision and I chose PV as its one of the safer places in Mexico, if patients have issues they lose business. Rumours are some in Tijuana recuse supplies to cut costs and infections come in to play but I know other in USA who also got infections or had leaks, it is not the norm but possible. You r in charge of your body and make your own decisions, I pretty much went alone, my elderly mom came but it would have been easier with out her.
  11. francesca
    We'll my husband was being the same way but I was determined and I researched and found a lighter me and I will say I would do it all over again from the airport to surgery and back to the airport was top of the line amazing care from everyone I love the staff and dr ortiz and all was clean and just as they do here
  12. francesca
    Go to tj alone alit if people do but there are other people there doing the same thing they will befriend you and it will be the best thing you can do for yourself!! He's prob just saying that because he is insecure and knows your getting close to taking control of your life and he's just not ready
  13. MomOfTwins
    I just told my husband this morning that I am going to Mexico for WLS. He responded the same way, which didn't surprise me. I asked him to come with me and have the procedure too (he could stand to loose a few lbs but he is not obses). Anyway I thought he would give me a hard time about both the procedure and Mexico. Surprisingly he seems on board with the surgery and he is so frugal I am sure he will come around to my way of thinking ; )
    I am planning to book my date for 12-12-14 and it appears I will be going alone which us perfectly fine with me!
  14. shaelya
    Well I booked my surgery with Dr. Quinones in MX for Feb 2, 2015. Airline tickets have been bought, and down payment made.

    I didn't even get a chance to tell my bf. He's been going on and on about how I'm an idiot if I go to TJ, how I have no willpower, how I should exercise more, eat less, how I'm boring, etc, etc. This was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. I need someone who supports me and doesn't demean me.

    I'm single now.
  15. DeeFranklin14
    I'm leaving in a week. My husband is not going with me. He want me to have the procedure done when its good for him....So i paid for it ALL BY MYSELF!!!! Flights and all. And I am proud of me! I will worry about him later!
  16. MomOfTwins
    A girl has to do what a girl has to do.
  17. Luann
    Shaelya I don't blame you for not telling your boyfriend. You are so right that you need someone who supports you & doesn't demean you. You deserve that. I get the feeling he would have those kinds of insults coming out of his mouth no matter what the circumstance. Saying you are boring?! Even if he thinks you should be accomplishing weight loss some other way, what on earth would that have to do with anything. He's got a problem in his head.

    Congrats - surgery a few months away but you've already lost ( fill in boyfriends wt) ____ lb worth of unattractive useless weight.
  18. Dreaming of 139
    Dreaming of 139
    I went to Mexico alone to have a lap band in 2010 after my husband finally gave in to my begging. I tried to get a friend to go with me, but the one person that I trusted was not able to make it.

    Can things happen? Yes, they can happen anywhere. I had a good experience - flights were fine, they picked me up at the airport and took me to the condo for the night before surgery. Had a free morning the next day, had a pedicure and relaxed. Had surgery, it was delayed and the coordinator forgot (her husband was VERY ill and in the hospital) to call my husband. He was already scared and then no one called him. He tried both numbers that I had given him and no one answered the phone. It was bad. I was upset, but she did come that night to the hospital and she did apologize profusely. I am certain that if her husband was not so ill that she would have called my hubby as promised. I have had WAY worse things happen in US hospitals.... way worse.

    I was discharged the next day and made them take me to the airport hours early because I just wanted to get home.

    Given that, my husband is not willing to allow me to return to MX to a medical team that I trust to have my sleeve and I can understand why.

    I would, without a doubt not go alone again if I had the choice. I was way in the closet about my surgery and after the fact, several people told me that they would have gone with me.

    I would also question anyone who gives you zero support and is not willing to talk about it....
  19. luckygirl
    I told my husband of my intrest in WLS in Mexico,I expected apprehension,he helped make all the plans ,he has watched me struggle to ambulate,the knees my ankles and he wants me to feel better.I have been a shell of my former self.Weve just became grandparents and I want to be an active participator,not an observer as I have been. I haven't shared my plans with anyone.I have a twin sister and will tell her afterward.No time for naysayers. I guess I just don't want anyone influencing my decision. I just hope all goes well,I don't really have an aftercare plan. Has anyone else dealt with this dilemma after Mexico surgery?
  20. sasweet1
    The fear of going to Mexico is just ignorance. I had my surgery in Tijuana with Tijuana Bariatrics's surgeon, Dr. Hernandez. He is in practice with Dr. Almanza. I used Weight Loss Agents to do all the communicating, scheduling, and paying the surgical fee. They have been very nice, very quick to respond, and have emailed and called me regularly all during the process. They are still in touch after my surgery, which was 8 days ago, April 25, 2016. It all went very smoothly. There is no need to be afraid to go to Tijuana....no more than any big city. If you listened to the news about crime in Houston or Chicago, Los Angeles, or any big city in the US, your family wouldn't want you to go there either. There is absolutely nothing any more scary about having your surgery in TJ than in having it in the US. Everything goes smoothly....from the van that picks you up at the airport, the nice hotel with super helpful employees and "in house" nursing care, the hospital, the surgeons, all were great. Most of the people in my group of 13 who had their surgery on the same day came alone. You develop great friendships with the people in the group. Those who are come alone are assigned a roommate and, those I observed, were very supportive and looked out for each other. You will never regret having your surgery in Mexico.
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