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  1. Hilary Silver
    Hilary Silver
    Is anyone home? Last post was in May. Does anyone want to continue the discussion of emotional eating?
  2. BillyJ
    BillyJ
    I am an emotional eater. I had my sleeve on July 15th. I have lost 49 lbs so far. Right now I am going through some things with my husbands health and it is scary. I want to eat so bad but thankfully the sleeve does not allow it. I was told that I might have to go to a therapist to help with the emotional eating but I have a mantra. $14,500 $14500 $14500. That is what I paid for the sleeve. CASH. I don't want to lose my investment.
  3. ABetterBrandi
    ABetterBrandi
    I'm new to the site and was a little bummed when there wasn't good discussion on this board. I will have my surgery in just over 2 weeks and am concerned that my emotional eating will sabotage any progress I am able to make.
  4. Ann2
    Ann2
    I'll bite (so to speak) and join the group, too.
  5. ABetterBrandi
    ABetterBrandi
    I emotionally eat no matter the emotion. In celebration, to comfort, even when I'm bored. Surgery will not change this behavior, so can I?...during this time.

    I started my pre-op diet early and have already noticed several times I have thought of food, not out of hunger but boredom. While acknowledging this is a first step, but what have you guys done to work through this? Or maybe you have different experiences?
  6. Ann2
    Ann2
    You're doing what my therapist says is important to do: pay attention to what's happening.

    Here's his scheme: He says that our impulse to eat (when we're not actually hungry) is a compulsion we have developed to deal with feelings we find uncomfortable or unpleasant and want to reduce. His non-food example of compulsive behavior is when someone gets upset about something they grab a cigarette and light it. In other words, reaching for and lighting and taking a first drag on a cigarette is what they've learned to do. The reason they "learned" these behaviors is because smoking a cigarette "works" -- or at least it worked initially. Years later, cigarettes may still "work" or they may not work anymore to reduce that unpleasantness. But in the meantime, we learned to reach for and light a cigarette, and here we are still doing that.

    Short version: eating when we're not hungry is a different compulsive behavior we learned long ago and continue to engage in to avoid feeling emotions we don't want to feel.

    Other than at meal times (when we're actually hungry), if you find yourself thinking, "Hmmm ... wonder what's in the refrigerator" (for instance) between meals, you should first notice that you're now thinking of food. Then notice that it's probably a compulsive response to an emotion (or emotions -- could be plural) you're feeling at that moment. What we call these emotions matters less than that we identify them. For example, you might notice that you feel worried, anxious, afraid, bored, guilty, excited, happy, sad, nervous, giddy, depressed, proud or other emotions.

    Next step -- try to interrupt or postpone the behavior. If you postpone it, postpone it for 10 minutes one time, an hour another time, 15 minutes another time, two hours another time, 40 minutes another time. Be erratic about the length of time you postpone it. In other words, break your compulsive cycle and any patterns associated with it. (Start to unlearn the behavior.)

    There are other things you can do -- like telling someone, e.g., a partner, about your compulsive behavior and your desire to stop it, changing your environment (not allowing sweets in the house), and other things. You may want to work with a therapist to understand the roots of the behavior and build new tools to change the behavior. If talk therapy isn't sufficient, some doctors prescribe medication that can help, but that's not the first thing to try.

    When I "discovered" the roots of one of my compulsive behaviors (that wasn't overeating), I was surprised at how nonsensical my "solution" was. It was grounded in some family turmoil we had when I was seven years old when I devised the solution of getting up in the middle of the night, locating where everyone was in the house, and standing guard so they would all be safe and not go away. (Tough gig for a seven-year-old, eh?). Now, years later, I'm learning to stay in bed and just sleep. S.M.H.
  7. ABetterBrandi
    ABetterBrandi
    Ann, your openness and eloquence is a gift to me. Since I decided to have surgery and scheduled my appointment I have been able to recognize the behavior, realize it is not a healthy or long term solution, and refrain.....just haven't discovered the root. And you are right, that will likely come with help from a therapist.

    Sorry to hear about you at 7 and now! Absolutely too big of a job for a 7 year old. Seven year olds should be carefree. my heart aches that you lost some innocence but also that you have struggled through the years. I wish we lived near each other we could have many coffee protein shakes to share our journeys in healing over the years.
  8. Ann2
    Ann2
    Brandi, thank you. Each of us is so strongly shaped by our earliest experiences and our interpretations of what has happened. I wish we lived near each other, too. Wouldn't that be fun?

    I also wish that we continue to understand more clearly where we came from so we can see more clearly where we are going.
  9. Fae
    Fae
    Well, Ann2 I'm sure glad you're learning to stay in bed and sleep. I got sad and tired thinking about you having to get up to make sure your family was OK. Abetterbrandi, I've realized that a big part of my emotional eating is boredom. I'm a homebody. Watch TV, do a little cleaning, get dressed (maybe), read a while--what to do now? I used to enjoy walking, especially this time of year; now my hips and back hurt too much. I used to go to the library, now it's just too much effort. I admit I'm a glutton. I just love food, especially sweet, pretty food. I used to have a recurring dream about a pastry shop in town that made beautiful, delicious desserts. Now, there was a pastry shop or 2 in town but I didn't dream about them; the one in my dream was just a fantasy place (it was always in the same place, where the PennyWise gas station used to be) with all kinds of beautiful, delicious desserts. I finally stopped having that dream a few years ago. In The Story of Weight Watchers there's a comment about a birthday cake that goes something like: "You can love it. You can smell it. You can take pictures of it. But you can't eat it, because if you eat it, you have to pay the price, and the price you pay is fat". I can't have sweet things (including birthday cake) in my house. When the kids were little and I'd buy food so they could take lunch to school, I'd eat up most of the hostess cupcakes and twinkies. They'd be packing lunch one morning, go to get a snack cake to put in--Woops, all gone! Couldn't stop myself. I always wait til Halloween day to buy candy for treats cause if I buy it early, I snack and snack. And snack. Even if I purposely bought ones I really don't like that much, one day I'd want something sweet and oh well, that'll do. I figure that in 61 years surely I've had enough sugar. My body should be satisfied. The sleeve is helping, but I admit that I know I'm pushing it to the max. I had modified my behavior somewhat after talking with the NUT and had lost some weight on my own. But I've gotten away from her 3 meals 2 snacks, at-least-2-hours-after-a meal-before-you-snack regimen because of having to sip lots and eat small amounts. I'm basically back to eating constantly, if princess will let me (she didn't like the name Miss Thang; had to change that). I'm getting better though. First post-op visit tomorrow afternoon, guess I'll get these staples out finally. Take care.
  10. ABetterBrandi
    ABetterBrandi
    Thanks for your post Fae.

    I had a long conversation with my mom yesterday discussing my surgery, all the changes that necessary to make it work, and my fear of failure. She reminded me of a very old habit of picking and putting things straight in my mouth. My baby blanket is an afghan essentially held together by strings, we have laughed over the years because I would pick the fuzz and eat it. She mentioned this behavior was not limited to the blanket and began before I could walk and talk. She appropriately brought up the concern of changing a behavior that began so incredibly early. This was enlightening to me. How do you stop a behavior that old/deep? How do you get to the root of such and old/deep behavior? We mused that perhaps you don't, perhaps you simply are aware and replace it. SF Gum could be a solution. Perhaps I need to keep my hands busy as well. Today I am not sure what the solution should be; but I am eternally gratefully for this information and the ability to examine it for solutions.

    These behaviors are hard to change; but I am convinced it can be done. I wish you well on your journey, do not give up.
  11. Lee6Lee
    Lee6Lee
    ABetterBrandi, sugar free gum is very helpful. I use 1/3 piece of regular gum. I just need to chomp sometimes and gum is better than food to work through that.
  12. ABetterBrandi
    ABetterBrandi
    Lee6Lee, you know I thought of that. What is the need to chomp? Stress maybe? I have it too. On bad days I use chips, on better days I use raw cauliflower. Gum is probably a better solution.
  13. SHELSTER
    SHELSTER
    Hello Gorg Peeps! I'm new to the group (from Cali) & getting sleeved in two weeks! I see some familar faces on here & really think we can help one another. I too am an emotional eater & often it's just boredom & bad habbits. I am a beautiful single 44 yr. old woman with my life pretty much together so I'm very independent! Although I have one horse in my back yard, I really only go out to ride on the weekend. I do enjoy going to the gym when I actually commit to go. I realized I will have to 'fill' my boredom up with exercise or some sort of hobby other than my horse. Eventually I'll get back into the dating scene & hopefully will meet an active guy who I can enjoy spending time with doing fun indoor/outdoor activities. The good thing for me is that I do enjoy substituting my sugar cravings for s/f pudding, s/f popcicles & jello, fresh berries with a dab of real whipped cream, & the protein bars I buy come in all flavors & some taste like a candy bar like cookies n cream. So I'm pretty confident that post surgery these types of treats will help get me through my sugar cravings....they must! I have been so honest with myself in that I know food has been my comfort & best friend since I was a child. I've always struggled with my weight. Parents divorced at a very young age & I had a fit mother who always got on me for eating/weight & a father who was obese & fed me whatever I wanted. In my early 20's I actually lost a bunch of weight on Nutra System & worked out like crazy everyday. I was very fit & athletic. When I started put back on weight it was when I was in a long-term relationship & I fell into a pattern of lazyness & eating what he would eat! OMG I could pork out big time! And then after the break up I looked at myself & focussed on my health & fitness once again. So I guess you can say this pattern continued as I went through many long term relationships. It has to stop! It's my time now to go after what I want & change my lifestyle to make a better/healthier ME! I will never EVER again settle into any relationship which is toxic & where my man isn't motivated to live a healthy lifestyle. So begins my journey in two weeks & although I'm anxious & nervous I know it's going to be the best decision I ever made for myself. I love that there are support groups out there on line where you can reach out & talk with others who get it.
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