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The Friend I thought would be supportive...

  1. BladeFox
    BladeFox
    I have a friend that once I told her that I was considering...considering surgery she started in on how it's the easy way out, my head is gonna shrink and I'm going to look odd, you can gain all the weight back, I don't want to exercise and lose it the right! way, etc...

    So, because she claims to be intelligent, I brought it to her the way that I see it benefitting me. I shared with her that I have high blood pressure and the more I take medicine to control it, the greater the risk of me developing kidney failure in my later years. Something that runs in my family. I said that my high blood pressure at times makes me feel off which puts me in a slump for a day or two, that monitoring my salt intake is a daily occurence but yet I am human and will slip up with highly processed foods, etc. I mentioned that I have a young family, that I would like to see grow up and that I want to grow with them with hopes of seeing grandkids and that this weight issue or yo-yoing can lead to other family ailments such as diabetes, heart desease, and such. I also described how difficult it is for me to be mobile OR want to be mobile because I deal with joint issues that are painful and the mere thought of going to the gym with the weight is a mental challenge. Lastly, I told her that I would love to do be the size that I was created to be and feel good about myself again, so of the items that I listed I would say less than 5% is vanity. Who wouldn't want to look and feel better?

    After I heard her agree with me, about one month later we were discussing it and she said the same thing that I had dealt with before. Again, I shared with her what I said before but this time edited because she frustrated me to NO END!!! I'm taking her lack of understanding very personal as a means for sabatoging because this time she said; 'If you are not exercising before the surgery, you won't be able to lose the weight and I'm thinking this may not be a good choice for you.' WTF!!! Done! I don't want to lose her friendship, but now I am seeing 'hater' written all over her. I'm beginning to question her motives. Is she nervous about the surgery? Is she nervous about what I may look like? I have lost 87 lbs before...but picked that back up after a while. How do I handle this?
  2. renaye83
    renaye83
    She clearly doesn't understand this surgery. Perhaps she is concerned that you are having surgery. Surgery in general makes people nervous; and yes this surgery is helping us with our health but let's face it, it IS an elective surgery. People who aren't in our shoes cannot understand why we would chose to go under the knife "just to lose weight". With that being said, I did NOT want this surgery, like you, I NEEDED this surgery. I didn't want to have 80 percent of my stomach removed. I have regrets every day. I don't regret having the surgery, I regret allowing myself to get to the point in which I needed the surgery.

    There were a few people who didn't understand why I chose to get this surgery. I had a co-worker/friend try to convince not to get it because a friend of hers had the gastric bypass and she had complications (physical and mental) and she didn't want me to go through that. I explained to her just like you explained to your friend how my weight is hindering my health and life. I told her that I can't even tie my own shoes or get out of bed without being out of breath. Luckily for me she understood and is very supportive. My brother on the other hand was/is unsupportive. I am not going to even get into detail regarding the hurtful things he has said to me because I don't want to make myself mad lol.

    Honestly, I really don't know what to tell you regarding how to handle this. Maybe bring her along to one of your appointments so she can ask the doctor questions or bring her to one of your support group meetings so she can fully understand the surgery and see others who have been successful. Other than that I don't know what tell you; If it was me, I would distance myself from her. Thats just the kind of person I am though.
  3. MissTeri
    MissTeri
    I think if she is a true friend she will understand when you say, "Look girl, this is something that is important to me. I understand that you don't get it but for the sake of our friendship, keep your opinions to yourself." Look at it like a relationship, if she didn't like your husband would she constantly come to you talking about him? This surgery is dealing with your relationship with yourself, no outside opinions needed.
  4. Ready to change
    Ready to change
    Dream killer..........
  5. BladeFox
    BladeFox
    I like both suggestions but the idea of bringing her along to a support group meeting resonates with me as my last effort. I could just trick her into going somewhere with me and we end up there because I don't know if she will just go if I ask her to. Either way, I must resolve to either, a) share my enthusiasm about what this surgery will mean to my life or b) close her out of it completely. I think I'll take the three's a charm path and give her one last opportunity to say something positive or be supportive.
  6. renaye83
    renaye83
    I hope everything goes well with your friend. Keep us posted!
  7. BladeFox
    BladeFox
    I will. Thanks for all the suggestions.
  8. trhaye3
    trhaye3
    Amen to all the above.
  9. tracke38
    tracke38
    It seems that you really want this friend to be OK with how you better yourself/your life. I think that if this were a parent or spouse talking like this, I would encourage you to invite them to a meeting for clarity. However, if this is really your friend, I would expect support because you have made very clear and vaild points. Also, your friend should trust your decision because you have researched and don't seem to be a person who makes rash decisions. Don't worry about your friend. You have THOUSANDS of supporters who understand your choice and how important this is to you. Don't worry, WE GOT YOU!!!
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