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How to tell husband I'm doing this?

  1. slim_again
    slim_again
    I was thinking of waiting till the week of to let him know I'm off to do this crazy thing to get my life in order. We've been trying to conceive for 2 years now, my weight is a hindrance to my hormones functioning correctly and I'm terribly arthritic (a genetic thing from my lovely parents). I know this will help me be more fertile (once I get to a decent weight) and help my arthritis. I've been told at 37 that I should be up for knee replacements. They won't replace them right away though (I'm too young). They scraping the bone spurs off to make my sports (hiking, climbing and walking) more bearable. It doesn't hurt kayaking but when I come back from touring vacations, walking the city usually leaves my knees blown up with fluid. Loosing weight can only help.

    How to tell the husband? Bells are going to go off in this house when I drop the bomb that I'm going to Tijuana for surgery. I don't even want to tell him, I don't want anybody knowing, this is for me-life is too short to be in pain and feel unattractive and fat. I want to live a happier, healthier life. I know I'd think he's crazy if he did something like this, I'm terrified for me lol, I don't want to have him be terrified for me too. How did you handle your partner?
  2. maani
    maani
    Hey there! yeah its not an easy convestation to undertake eh? lol canadian pun hahaha yeah I came outright and said Im looking at getting a sleeve or a third of my stomach removed...do you think im nuts? and he said yep! he said Im dreaming cause it costs too much but told him there are options to get this done in mexico for third the price than getting it done here. He didnt like the idea of mexico, and idea of coming with me is out as he just started new job plus we have 3 young boys. He said if OHIP covered it then fine go for it, but then he got quiet so Im still working on him bringing him onside. 5K is very reasonable plus a flight, my husband is cheap! lol sooo he is pondering it I know. Even when after our last son I said I wanted to join weight watchers, he thought that was a waste of money but then I did pull off 60lbs with them but after a year plus Im still no where near my goal weight and slowing inching back up the scale, gaining back 15 last I weighted in. Weight loss is hard!!! it sucks and I been battling the buldge my entire life and sick of it really. Being married 10 yrs my husbands seen me at all sorts of weights and I just want to be healthy and maintain a healthy weight. So like it not I will get it done and he will just have to learn to support me LUV HIM to death but Im doin this and he learn to love it!
  3. Chantale
    Chantale
    I just came right out and told my husband, he also didn't like the idea of me going to Mexico so i let him do all his own research and come to his own opinions about it, he still wasn't 100% ok with it but i told him that its what i want for me to be healthy and happy.. he came around to the idea a few days later and was even bringing home doctors numbers he had looked up lol
  4. frenchlips4u
    frenchlips4u
    Hi Slim-again and the gals,
    Well when my doctor told me I should consider having this done I was the one that was skeptical about it. It took me months to get around why I didn't want to do this. I realized that my mother's preconcived ideas had affected me. As the months went by I knew I had to do something for my body. I was in a lots of pain. I was at my heaviest at 317lb. A year after that I went and walked Compostel in Spain. Lost 37lb doing that walk. But was gaining it back once I got back home.
    This little voice inside me kept telling me to do this operation or else it was a question of time before I was going to be in a wheel chair like my dad. I was also diabetic. I didn't hesistate a minute in telling my husband. This decision was going to affect me and my husband. He knew how I felt about my body pains. He was the one massaging my feet, legs and hips every night. He was all for it if it meant me being healthier and not experiencing anymore pain in my body. I was thinking the band at first and did all my research on that. My husband and I met with a private clinic to see a well known surgeon here in Montreal. The Dr. recommended the sleeve and not the band because of the BMI. That was a shock for i didn't expect to take away part of one of my organ. After a week of getting use to the idea. My hubby and I decided to go for it. The wait in the public system for that kind of operation was 3 years. I knew my body could not take this another 3 years. So we decided to go in the private system. Yes, it was expensive but I got my operation done by one of the most reknown doctor and I have a 5 year follow-up with him and the clinic. I have a nutrionist that follows me as well. I have a 24h telephone number if anything would go wrong. I am well surrounded. One of the reason I wanted this done was to lose enough weight to be diabetic free.
    As for my husband. I have to say he is one in a billion. He is supportive, encouraging, loving, and does it with me every step of the way. Yes, this decision was mine to make and he let me choose if I wanted to do this or not. He told me he loves me just the way I am. He did mention that it hurt him to know that my body was in so much pain.
    I would suggest that if you are to have this operation, have it done close to your home. When I finally left the clinic and came home. I could barely move and walk. It took me all the strength I had to go up the stairs to my appartment. The week following the operation was not easy for I barely could move. My hubby the angel would help me sit and lay in bed and get up from bed and from sitting position. I didn't want to use my abdomen muscle to do simple movements. I had injections for 3 weeks that needed to be given to me which my hubby did same time every day. Those injections were to keep from getting blood clots, because trust me you can't walk much. I can go on and on, on my experience.
    All I can say, is tell your husband. This decision is for you. Whether he likes it or not will be his problem. Your health should be his only concerns. If it 's not then he might have a reason why he wouldn't want you to have this done. Some men are afraid that their wife or girlfriend might leave them once the weight is gone because of how hot they look. It could also be a control he holds. Who knows what the reason may be. At the end of the day... it is your life and you need to make that decision for yourself but you cannot hide that from the person you share your life with. I understand you not wanting everyone to know. I told the people I wanted to tell and trusted. My family and close friends knew and were very supportive.

    Good luck and be at peace with your decision.
  5. Cndgins
    Cndgins
    I told my husband while we were out for coffee he thought it was too radical and that we should try as a family to change our habits and get healthier. I explained to him I have been trying for years diets support groups Dieticians pills potions and at my age it is not working I need a tool that can help me and this is my last resort. I have been VERY fortunate to this point to not have developed HB, Diabetes, but I have teenage kids and I want to be there for them. I told him how unhappy I have been for years and that it had gotten to the point where it takes all I have most days to just get out of bed. I cant live like this any more. I explained to him this is not a whim I have been researching doctors both at home and in Mexico for the past year. He was not thrilled (hospitals scare him)but he said if this is what I really need to be happy he would support me, and we would all start eating healthier and exercising together.
    Good Luck and tell him when you are sure this is what you want
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