Can't believe it's 1 1/2 sleeps until I go to the airport and say goodbye to the end of my life as a 'fat chick'. Gotta' be there soooo early - 7 AM international flights suck...I'm worried about luggage getting lost by United when we change planes, worried about security saying I can't bring something I pack, how I'm going to keep liquid & protein intake going during a long travel day, etc...you know - those little moments I am over analyzing in my head without any need to. They will work themselves out.

Thoughts going through my mind; mostly joy, excitement, and some concern that my 19 yr old will get his little sister off to school with a lunch and remember to pick her up Thursday, Friday & Tuesday...It's Thanksgiving here Monday so that's one less day to worry about. That he'll remember to get her to the birthday party Saturday without forgetting the present for the birthday girl...And arrive at Gramma's for dinner on time. All those things we take for granted when we're doing them ourselves are sometimes hard to give over control to others.

Hubby hasn't packed yet and I'm feeling anxious that there is still so much to do before we go.

I could go on about all the feelings, but it's also a sense of peace and tranquility about this life changing decision. Oddly, no fear or concern about traveling to another country to have my gut literally removed from me...Like seriously - it's like a scene from a movie where the heroine is on an operating table in a foreign country and the knight in shining armour comes to rescue her from the evil witch doctor, except in the scene playing out for me I don't have any 'scary movie' outcomes. No Touristas, no Hostel, nope the movie in my head is with me in the next scene running down the beach in a bikini (okay - I'm 40 & have had 2 kids - the stretch marks may not make that realistic, but it's a dream, okay?).

Then there's the knowledge that if I fail now it's because I screw up, not because of hormones or heredity or the family 'fat genes'. God grant me the serenity to get through the next 48 hours...By this time 48 hours from now I'll be in San Antonio eagerly awaiting the journey over the border to pre-op testing and sleeving. I'll be cuddled next to my man, dreaming of a future where I'm healthy and able to shop in the mall not the plus stores, where I'll be riding every coaster my lil' girl wants me to. It's a sense of hope, promise, excitement, and lord help me for saying this out loud, but...sex with the lights on!

Next blog will be from the other side...the losers bench. G'Nite & positive thoughts to all.