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Healing Hope

Going solo

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My surgery is scheduled for March 29th in Tijuana, MX. I purchased my plane ticket and feel comfortable going alone - I WANT to go solo so I can focus 100% on myself. My fiance insists he's going. I'm 47 years old and feel frustrated that he's not respecting my wishes. It doesn't feel like a caring gesture, it feels like a control tactic. He also told my Mother about my surgery after promising not to tell anyone. Anyone else experience something like this? Any suggestions? Sorry if this is the wrong forum for this question-still learning how to navigate this site. Thanks

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  1. Tamera2's Avatar
    I dont know your fiance but I do know my husband. He wanted to go with me when i traveled to Tijuana. He went to protect and comfort me and be an encourager. He would have been scared and worry constantly if he didnt go. I was so happy to have him there. sounds like you might have some relationship things to work on before you get married if you think he’s being controlling. Without knowing is character you might be overeacting. He proubly loves you and just concerned for your wellfare and wants to help support you. If I’m correct let him go with you. You will find his help useful especially after surgery and going home. You won’t be able to lift more than 10lbs. Good luck
  2. CassieB's Avatar
    I was thinking the same thing and I was only going to drive myself to Los Angeles (45 minutes away) as my boyfriend almost could not change his work schedule. But now looking back at the last 2 weeks I am so happy my boyfriend was there with me the whole time. I was so out of it for close to 24 hours after the surgery there is no way I would have been able to do it without him there. Also traveling to Tijuana is a big deal. I think he cares about you and is worried. I think you should sit down and have a good talk with him. See where he is at.
  3. sraebaer's Avatar
    I don't know, I appreciated my husband driving me home about 5 miles from the hospital. You will be navigating getting to the airport, checking luggage, security, maybe flight delays, a long flight, etc; all alone. All this after having major surgery and probably being in pain. I would think a companion would be a huge help. But that's just me. Maybe others who traveled to Mexico could give advice.

    I hate air travel when I'm healthy.
  4. Mmeghan's Avatar
    I think having anyone go with is a good idea. Just for help with travel. My sister came with me to Mexico. She helped immensely. I couldn’t lift luggage. I couldn’t put things in the overhead compartment. I needed help picking things up and carrying stuff.I would have been in bad shape without her.
  5. Sandra3's Avatar
    My hospital was 25 minutes by car from my home, and I did need help to get back home.If you carry too much weight after the surgery it could damage your incisions.

    You might feel that having your fiance helping is an issue for your independence, but truth is when we are sick, we need people to help us and care for us.

    I had only 3 incisions, was supposed to be a single incision but finally the surgeon changed his mind to make my anesthesia shorter, so he added two more. The more incisions, the more pain. And like our other friends said, you will need someone to help with bags, or even get your jacket on. It doesn't have to be your fiance. You could ask a friend, sibling etc..

    here is my 2 cents:
    I've known my husband for many years. When I need help, I want him to be my helper, because I trust him and feel comfortable that it's him. Obviously here, this is not the case for you. So you might want to explore the reasons why you can't stand the idea of the man (the very same man who's supposed to spend his life with you) helping when his help is needed.
    Are you afraid that one day you will need to help him too?
    What's behind that feeling? you talk about control. If I was you I would wonder why I feel that way. Sometimes painful issues from the past can trigger our vision of today to be blurred....

    Be safe. Take care
  6. Stacey03's Avatar
    I think the issue may be that you are really angry with your fiancé. He told your mum when you asked him not to. He's got some making up to do right? You're furious. I think that is what you need to discuss with him. He's an asshole for doing that and you have every right to be angry... but you've got to deal with it and have those conversations, not dwell on it or things are not going to go well. Sometimes relationships change when you lose weight too. I think you're on a journey and I send you much love. He was an asshole.
  7. hope4me's Avatar
    Hello. I just want to add, I did go over there alone, I'm married and it was ok that I went as I did. I do however feel you about your mom being told about your intentions. as I didn't want anyone else to know at that time except my husband. But let's look at it on a positive side, He really want to be there for you. I'm hoping I'm right. Take care.