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Passive aggressive judgment

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So everyone I have talk to seems to be very supportive about my surgery. Yet I find that some people will say things that makes me wonder. It’s like they just hope that it doesn’t work out or that I have complications because I’m “taking the easy way out.” Comments like “I don’t know how you think you are going to do it” and “if you can’t be committed to exercise and diet how can you do this” or “ I hope you know what you are doing because this is not a simple surgery “ oh and how about “ oh my God , can’t you just stop eating?” People are assholes even the ones that love you. I have gotten a thick skin since making this decision because if I listen to all their bullshit I’ll get discouraged and maybe decide to not go through with it. Sometimes the people closest to us are the ones that break us down. So, I ignored the comments and just tell them I guess we will see.. I come on here and get the support I need and the inspiration from everyone who has changed their lives

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  1. elllie's Avatar
    HI Merritt

    You are so right. I heard a friend make a snide comment about one of our other friends who had the bypass, so when I decided on the surgery I decided only certain people will be told and then for the rest of my friends and family I would tell them the half truth. People are very judgmental and can't just say we are proud of you and well done. If only these people knew that it was not an easy way out, as the diet after surgery is very tough. Good luck on your journey.
  2. sraebaer's Avatar
    My best friend told me how her other friend had the surgery and regained all her weight. Thanks, that was helpful! I don't even know what kind of surgery, could have been the Lapland that failed for many.

    Over time people won't even remember. It's been over 5 years for me and no one says a thing. (Except one teacher who said how great it was that I've kept my weight off and asked how long it's been). Now just show those jerks that you can maintain your weight loss and they will have nothing to gossip about. Be proud of what you have accomlished.
  3. KiwiGal's Avatar
    Having heard some not so nice comments about someone who had the same surgery I decided not to tell many people at all when I had mine. I didn't need the negativity. Those that I did tell were totally supportive and have continued to be. They asked lots of questions because they were interested and when we go our for meals they are the ones to suggest shared plates or tapas style meals. Now (a year out) if people ask how I have lost so much weight I generally tell them because I don't care what they think...........but there are some that I will NEVER tell.
  4. Sandra3's Avatar
    Most people understand nothing about obesity. Not even most doctors!

    Some people will be mean, but for some people around us, it's also a way to look down on us. "oh that poor fat woman, too bad she has no willpower"....I'm not even kidding, I heard it.

    So when they see you decide to do something about your disease (which for them is just too much indulgence), they see they won't feel superior any longer if you are successful!!
    So of course they will make nasty comments and try to discourage you.
    Either ways, it's always a form of ignorance talking.

    I decided a long time ago I had no time to waste in trying to educate idiots.

    I didn't talk to many people before my surgery. My real friends only showed concern about the risks of the surgery, but they were all very supportive.

    Some relatives (who were ear dropping...I actually was not going to tell them) had mean things to say behind my back "she has always been eating too much, doing this surgery is wasting the insurance money...etc etc.....worth thing being that they know I have medical issues and how I gained the weight". But we don't chose our relatives! I've not been talking to them for more than 2 years now, and time did prove they were wrong...and I will be 3 years out in 2 months.

    Avoid those nasty people, be strong and keep your goal the only priority! Good luck!
  5. Ann2's Avatar
    And THIS is why I didn't tell anybody but my husband and two very sane friends who live far away.

    You'll be fine.
  6. azladyrider's Avatar
    4 words: Piss up a rope. I told who I wanted and those that asked me later I told too - if they say anything I just ask why are you obsessed with my weight and what I do? Or if they are fat I tell them I'll be glad to share my doctors name with them. Shuts em right up for good.
  7. sraebaer's Avatar
    My best story was when a co-worker heard about my surgery and said she didn't want to give up eating whatever she wanted. Really, you enjoy getting close to 300 pounds? Do you want to be around to see your children grow up?

    Love azladyrider's line about "I'll be glad to share my doctors name!"