Self care in the midst of chaos...
by
, 04-23-2018 at 09:24 AM (26424 Views)
Hello Everyone,
It has been a little bit since I have posted. I have popped on to read here and there but have been so buried in personal upheaval that I haven't had a coherent thought to add.
My weight is at a bit of a stand still and I understand why so I am giving myself some Grace so as to not sabotage the good work I have done both physically and mentally. I am doing the best that I can and some days it feels like an accomplishment just to get through the day.
There is no greater heartbreak as a parent than when one of your kids are struggling or in crisis. Right now, three out of our four kids are dealing with some pretty big situations. I am waiting for that 4th shoe to fall, so to speak. Our older 2 kids (22M and 18F) are facing some life changing decisions and we have to go into support and guide mode. They are adults. We hope and pray the values we have taught and instilled in them are called upon so that their individual decisions are the right ones and if not the right ones, ones they can life with or learn from. Unfortunately there are no easy answers. It doesn't help when their biological mother is the anti-parent. Another child (17M) is learning some life lessons the hard way and is realizing the ripple affect of his choices and actions. I tell myself to count my blessings. All my kids are healthy, none are in legal trouble and that "this too shall pass". My husband likens it to playing "whack a mole". We whack one problem away and another pops up. Right now we are losing this round... Being in the gym is my sanctuary. But I am at a place where when those endorphins kick in the tears start to flow and I have been stuck there for a little while. This too shall pass... So in the meantime, I feel like I am on auto-pilot when I am alone. I am exhausted from the sleepless night and worry. I am struggling to hit my protein and water numbers and I am feeling it. Which only makes me feel worse. Another blessing is that my husband and I are on the same page. I have even been in a good place with my ex-husband (knock on wood). He and I have been able to put aside our issues and come together to deal with our son in a co-parenting and positive way. In the midst of all this I cannot lose sight of my youngest (15F). Even though she isn't in crisis like the other 3, I cannot get so bogged down that I don't have anything left for her.
So that kind of catches you up on me. I am trying to find and teach the lessons in all of this and sometimes that's hard. I am a pretty "glass half full" kind of person and look for the blessings in times of struggle. The last couple of months have just hit me all at once and it didn't see it coming. The older two kids we have been dealing with for a while and we were totally blindsided by our 17M. On the bright side, I gave myself a couple face masks yesterday and my skin looks great :-) So I did take almost an hour to just pamper myself and felt a little recharged. I intend to build on that. One day at a time...
Happy Monday Everyone <3 <3