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KerryPG

Self care in the midst of chaos...

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Hello Everyone,

It has been a little bit since I have posted. I have popped on to read here and there but have been so buried in personal upheaval that I haven't had a coherent thought to add.
My weight is at a bit of a stand still and I understand why so I am giving myself some Grace so as to not sabotage the good work I have done both physically and mentally. I am doing the best that I can and some days it feels like an accomplishment just to get through the day.
There is no greater heartbreak as a parent than when one of your kids are struggling or in crisis. Right now, three out of our four kids are dealing with some pretty big situations. I am waiting for that 4th shoe to fall, so to speak. Our older 2 kids (22M and 18F) are facing some life changing decisions and we have to go into support and guide mode. They are adults. We hope and pray the values we have taught and instilled in them are called upon so that their individual decisions are the right ones and if not the right ones, ones they can life with or learn from. Unfortunately there are no easy answers. It doesn't help when their biological mother is the anti-parent. Another child (17M) is learning some life lessons the hard way and is realizing the ripple affect of his choices and actions. I tell myself to count my blessings. All my kids are healthy, none are in legal trouble and that "this too shall pass". My husband likens it to playing "whack a mole". We whack one problem away and another pops up. Right now we are losing this round... Being in the gym is my sanctuary. But I am at a place where when those endorphins kick in the tears start to flow and I have been stuck there for a little while. This too shall pass... So in the meantime, I feel like I am on auto-pilot when I am alone. I am exhausted from the sleepless night and worry. I am struggling to hit my protein and water numbers and I am feeling it. Which only makes me feel worse. Another blessing is that my husband and I are on the same page. I have even been in a good place with my ex-husband (knock on wood). He and I have been able to put aside our issues and come together to deal with our son in a co-parenting and positive way. In the midst of all this I cannot lose sight of my youngest (15F). Even though she isn't in crisis like the other 3, I cannot get so bogged down that I don't have anything left for her.
So that kind of catches you up on me. I am trying to find and teach the lessons in all of this and sometimes that's hard. I am a pretty "glass half full" kind of person and look for the blessings in times of struggle. The last couple of months have just hit me all at once and it didn't see it coming. The older two kids we have been dealing with for a while and we were totally blindsided by our 17M. On the bright side, I gave myself a couple face masks yesterday and my skin looks great :-) So I did take almost an hour to just pamper myself and felt a little recharged. I intend to build on that. One day at a time...

Happy Monday Everyone <3 <3

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  1. AnnieG's Avatar
    You cannot fill others if your cup is empty, so well done on some self-care. I have adult children (?) and someone usually has a dumpster fire going on...I try very hard to support without sending the message I don't think they can get through it themselves. And I remind myself that God loves them even more than i do. And then I say the old Polish saying "Not my circus, still my monkeys". Peace!
  2. KerryPG's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by AnnieG
    You cannot fill others if your cup is empty, so well done on some self-care. I have adult children (?) and someone usually has a dumpster fire going on...I try very hard to support without sending the message I don't think they can get through it themselves. And I remind myself that God loves them even more than i do. And then I say the old Polish saying "Not my circus, still my monkeys". Peace!
    Thank you for the kind words <3
  3. sraebaer's Avatar
    I'm sort of going through the same thing with my elderly mom. Trying to move her to my state, after a month cleaning out her home in another state, and discovering she has totally lost her short term memory. She is so confused right now, not to mention the movers promised delivery last Saturday and we still have no idea where they are. She's at my house now. Waiting. Paying rent for an expensive retirement community.

    Then is was funny how our sermon at church was about not worrying, how worry doesn't do us any good at all. How God said "Do not be afraid" so many times in the Bible. So I'm trying to let go and let God be in charge. I'm not doing well on the self care part because I'm afraid to leave her alone right now in a strange house, so I haven't been hiking and it's beautiful out!!

    I pray things work out with your kids. It's such a tough age, part kid and part adult. Never fun.
  4. KerryPG's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by sraebaer
    I'm sort of going through the same thing with my elderly mom. Trying to move her to my state, after a month cleaning out her home in another state, and discovering she has totally lost her short term memory. She is so confused right now, not to mention the movers promised delivery last Saturday and we still have no idea where they are. She's at my house now. Waiting. Paying rent for an expensive retirement community.

    Then is was funny how our sermon at church was about not worrying, how worry doesn't do us any good at all. How God said "Do not be afraid" so many times in the Bible. So I'm trying to let go and let God be in charge. I'm not doing well on the self care part because I'm afraid to leave her alone right now in a strange house, so I haven't been hiking and it's beautiful out!!

    I pray things work out with your kids. It's such a tough age, part kid and part adult. Never fun.
    I understand your concern with your Mom. It is hard to be a caregiver and a daughter at the same time. I was in a similar situation with my mom. She passed away 2/14/2009 and I would give anything to have even the toughest day back just to be with her for a moment. Especially now.
    Sometimes self care can be just a moment of peacefulness or distraction. I have been trying to stay present so I can appreciate those moments before reality comes crashing back.
    Best of luck to you and thank you for your kind words. <3
  5. LaLa2017's Avatar
    I know exactly how you feel! I have 5 kids too oldest 23 to youngest 16 and I really wonder if they will ever learn how to adult lol. You would think it would easier as they get older but nope. I’ve learned that the stress from their situations does not help me at all. I still parent but learning to let go of the reins as helped me the most. Each kid is different and that always requires different approaches which can be exhausting but taking time for yourself is a great mental vacation from it all. It’s hard getting that time in but worth for your overall health. Good luck and don’t forget to treat yourself!
  6. sraebaer's Avatar
    Thanks for your kind words about my mom KerryPG, I should be thankful to have her, and pray for more patience. Things will get better.

    My favorite stupid kid story is when my son called at 3 am from college in Mississippi (we were living in Ohio) to tell us he couldn't find his truck.
  7. Christie13's Avatar
    I totally understand you. I feel that way with my 4 kids. Right now my 16F has been going through a lot of heartache and disappointment. To top it off she has General Anxiety Disorder so she cannot deal with it well and it is a lot of drama. But in it all, we have to find time for our self care or we will end up right back where we started. Hang in there. It will get better.
  8. KerryPG's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Christie13
    I totally understand you. I feel that way with my 4 kids. Right now my 16F has been going through a lot of heartache and disappointment. To top it off she has General Anxiety Disorder so she cannot deal with it well and it is a lot of drama. But in it all, we have to find time for our self care or we will end up right back where we started. Hang in there. It will get better.
    You are so right Christie13. I have to remind myself that I HAVE to take care of me so that I don't fall back into the old habit of emotional eating. Hugs!
    KPG
  9. KerryPG's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by LaLa2017
    I know exactly how you feel! I have 5 kids too oldest 23 to youngest 16 and I really wonder if they will ever learn how to adult lol. You would think it would easier as they get older but nope. I’ve learned that the stress from their situations does not help me at all. I still parent but learning to let go of the reins as helped me the most. Each kid is different and that always requires different approaches which can be exhausting but taking time for yourself is a great mental vacation from it all. It’s hard getting that time in but worth for your overall health. Good luck and don’t forget to treat yourself!
    You are right. The older they get, you have to change tactics. We are outnumbered!! :-)