So here I am in year two and haven't been in this site for months and months. That's how it is, in my opinion, when all is going well. The further you get from surgery, the less of a "patient" you are and the healing turns to a heavily restricted new normal which turns to a newer normal with each passing month. You learn to just be that leaner, healthier person you dreamt about 100 lbs ago. You have a functioning support group in real life. You hone in on those areas of the internet that truly support you in where you are in this journey, on that day.

I turned out to have one of those bodies happy to stop 10 lbs above "normal" BMI. (grrr) But, when I kept hovering this summer, I decided to find joy and just live for a bit at that weight. I was happy. Active. Looked great in clothes. Felt great. It was time to "just be".

Then two months ago, I started toying with the itch that was the last ten pounds and if I was being honest, I wasn't fully joyous. This "last goal" was really itchy. I had set three big end goals. I had wanted to hit 100 lbs post op (I had hit that in HW); I had wanted to hit "normal" BMI (that's 154.9) and I had wanted to hit a final weight, realistically in the 145 to 165 range. Somewhere along the way, I had settled on a number - not realizing until recent soul searching, that had to be in the 150's for me to feel "done".

So, I changed things up and pushed through my maintenance hover to a lower maintenance hover. Got sick of that non-moving new maintenance hover and rejoined Weight Watchers this month - as I can eat 30 points, no problem, at 17 months (more on this later). And by switching to points (and crossing checking in MFP), I got the scale to move again to first, a new low weight, and then....to start to hover again. I am sticking with WW through the holidays to see if I can get the bod to lose more (at a sloooooooooow rate, and if not, at least it affords me a new "control" in my tool box). What I can tell from cross tracking is that WW is balanced macros (which is the philosophy I use) but the calories change daily. My body is happy to start a healthy 3 lbs hover if I eat 1000 cals or 1500 cals. WEIRDNESS!!! But WW varies daily so I think that has the body guessing again, hence, very small scale victories showing up again.

So, what is year two all about for me? What can _I_ tell anyone reading about my successful journey to see how it informs yours?

At this point, I see post op in stages....
first 6 months = healing.
I worked hard to get out of starvation mode (above 900 calories), eat whole foods, and keep working healthy habits needed in early post op life and future healthy life maintenance.

second 6 months=new normal - a moving target
For me, life the second 6 months was being able to eat more and more (YAY) and making sure that more and more was good, healthy foods. Shifting my mind out of eating to survive and back into some sense of eating for health in a caloric restriction status. Just when you think you have it figured out, you can eat more. (which I welcome)

second year, first 6 months = "dieting" returns
For me, life in the second year became more and more about MINDFUL eating and caloric intake. You def can EAT again and it amazes me that as a bariatric person I can eat all the WW points expected of a full sized tummy person! No wonder I was starving on WW in the past (LOL). I can fully see that my portion sizes of what is normal are still skewed, 17 months later. Even though I can't woof down a larger portion, I don't need to. I truly am eating a normal portion, now, and satisfied. MIND F*CK This is where I had my epiphany about this being a "tool". I will not always be on a diet. BUT, I must always be diligent and mindful in my eating. Period. I just have to be as my natural state, even post op, would be to overeat....even the good stuff.

This is also the stage where you test your limits. Some get lost here and then regain. I could totally "eat around my sleeve" - a phrase a heard a lot pre op and early post op but didn't get, until now. You have to be mindful and deliberate.

Where am I now?
Mind - weight loss mode. Trying for those last 5 to 10 lbs through WW and cross tracking in MFP.

Habits - I have to do the following things for the rest of my life and I am 100% OK with this. If I needed medicine for something, I would take it. This is my preventive prescription for staying healthy and lean.

1. Weigh myself daily or every other day. For me this is NOT toxic but helps me and puts the scale fluctuations in perspective. It also keeps me accountable after a weekend off with indulgences to get back on the saddle of deliberateness.

2. Track what I eat/portion control/meal planning. This positively impacts other areas of life like whole family health, budget, time management, etc.

3. External accountability. This is how I am wired. I will do for EVERYONE else but me. So I need a "me" to save me from myself. Thus, I am very strategic in my support network. WW, for me, is a great accountability for the weight side of things. Having someone else weigh me is just how I roll to hold myself accountable. Having a goal of "lifetime" and free WW for life, gives me an external motivator to dig deep on days I need a push.

4. Moderation. take a day off. a weekend off. have the pie. I get it now. This isn't a race with a final destination. This is for life. There's no rush.

My 18 mo check in is coming first week Dec. I really wanna be in the 150s for that. Not sure if I can, but, it's a goal.

Until then.....

I'd rather live a life of deliberateness, than a life of regret.

#bedeliberate

What my eating looks like now...

bfast - two slices Pepperidge Farm Thin Slice Wheat bread with tsp real butter and an egg followed by Protein Coffee (coffee with protein shake as creamer), other days it's a half bagel with cream cheese and lox, other days it's Pumpkin Spice Mini Wheats or overnight oats - these are my go tos but I do change it up

am snack - siggi yogurt with All- Bran buds (and sometimes 9 dark choc chips thrown in there) pretty standard M - F am snack for the probiotic and fiber factor.

lunch - recently moving to a salad for lunch daily as I can eat more and need to get more veg in my life. These vary from a garden salad with some protein to a kale/cranberry/goat cheese salad. Sometimes this is just left overs from a dinner during the week.

pm snack - usually this is veg with hummus or tzatziki, babybel with some fruit, peanut butter and fruit, oz of cheese and some fruit

dinner - yesterday was spaghetti with meatsauce (ground turkey) and a small slice of home-made, healthier carrot cake for dessert hour later. My dinner looks like American dinner. just healthied up and smaller portions

Stats
*I am 17 months post op
*I have lost 118 lbs since my heighest weight and 101 lbs since surg.
*My weight currently is hovering between 163 and 165 lbs.
*Last time blood work was done, all was phenomenal. I only take a multi vitamin once a day now, with permission, due to my healthy eating and health stats.
*I started at a size 3X and now am a size 12 or large top (still have BOOBS, sorta)