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Aydensmomma

It's been a while....

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Aydensmomma
, 09-19-2017 at 11:19 AM (2974 Views)
Hi! It's been a long time since I've been here so I'm going to introduce myself and tell my story. So on December 30th 2014 I was sleeved. Because of issues with anesthesia I vomited the first 48hrs. I spent new years in the hospital and went home January 2nd or 3rd. My highest weight was 255. I had PCOS and after my son was born i went into post partum depression. Food became something I turned to, looked forward to. Ate whatever, whenever.
If you want to read about my story check out my blog posts thru my profile.
I lost the weight really fast. By September 2015 I think I was down to 140. I had started to loose hair around 4 months post op and continued to loose for about 9 months. Thank God I had very thick hair, but by the time I stopped loosing hair I was able to use baby hair tyes for my pony tail. Luckily I didn't have bald spots. I had long hair, which I cut and left up. This June I went and got a bob, it made a huge difference in my appearance. I still have shorter pieces but my hair looks healthy and has volume, it still isn't thick like it was but maybe another year will get it back.
My goal was 145. 9 months post op i was 140, by 18 months post op i was down to 123lbs, size 2 and looked like a skeleton. For the 1st time in my life I actually wanted to gain weight. It took a year but I'm back to 142.
Here's the thing, my goal was 145, I was 145/150 pre-baby. I liked how I looked. But now I actually feel kind of fat. I don't know if it's because I was underweight for a while and got used to how I looked and now I'm bigger? Maybe it's because before I was ok with gaining, but now I'm not. I feel like my stomach is huge, and now I'm wearing size 5/7

Please don't read this and think "what is she complaining about?" I am happy about my progress, and I'm at my goal but I had to gain almost 20lbs to get here, which means I gained 20lbs in a year, yes I was trying to gain but now I'm not trying and don't want to gain. So I'm going to start using the elliptical again, and watch what I eat. Depending on what I eat i get full very fast. I can eat more chicken then steak. If I finish my plate of food it's because I sat for an hour eating. Usually I don't finish my small portion. Plenty of restriction still.
So I guess it's just in my head, my body has been through so many changes in just 2.5 years, 255 and dropped 115lbs in 9 mo, then lost 20lbs, then gained 20lbs.....
Just needed to vent my worries. Thanks for reading this super long post.

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Comments

  1. astallons's Avatar
    I hope things stabilize for you soon so you can enjoy yourself. *hugs*
  2. Losinglbs2gainlife's Avatar
    Being a mom and postpartum and overweight is tuff. I know! But you overcame all of that and will this challenge too. It's a lifestyle so work it how it fits for you. Congrats on your success.
  3. zoey101's Avatar
    Hey Terri, How the heck have you been? Reading your update is crazy because you and I are exactly the same weight now. Remember all those conversations about how sickly we looked and how badly we wanted to gain weight? Well, surprise, surprise it has happened and I don't know why but I feel the same way you do. I'm freaking out if I gain another pound and ironically we were once so much heavier than we still are now I feel like that really big girl that I used to be. It's crazy but now I have those "I feel so fat" days again. I think your right about how we just got used to being so thin and wearing the sizes we were once in that now it's a shock to carry this extra weight. I mean in all honesty I look allot healthier and not as bony but now I find myself once again wearing longer tops to hide my body again. Perhaps we need intense therapy "just kidding" but it is crazy how the mind has so much to do with how we think we look. Anyway I hope your doing well otherwise and the Hubby and kids are good. It's been pretty insane around here, my Husband had major back surgery 3 months ago and Ive been a full time nurse around the clock on top of a million other things going on. Would love to get together again and catch up, it really has been far too long!
  4. Christie13's Avatar
    I get it. I am a size 1 now and trying not to lose more weight. But we became so used to seeing ourselves big that sometimes we can't adjust our minds around it. Hope you find your happy weight both physically and mentally!! Good luck.
  5. bigdogluver's Avatar
    I hope this all works out for you. I'm sure it will. All the best.
  6. Aydensmomma's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by zoey101
    Hey Terri, How the heck have you been? Reading your update is crazy because you and I are exactly the same weight now. Remember all those conversations about how sickly we looked and how badly we wanted to gain weight? Well, surprise, surprise it has happened and I don't know why but I feel the same way you do. I'm freaking out if I gain another pound and ironically we were once so much heavier than we still are now I feel like that really big girl that I used to be. It's crazy but now I have those "I feel so fat" days again. I think your right about how we just got used to being so thin and wearing the sizes we were once in that now it's a shock to carry this extra weight. I mean in all honesty I look allot healthier and not as bony but now I find myself once again wearing longer tops to hide my body again. Perhaps we need intense therapy "just kidding" but it is crazy how the mind has so much to do with how we think we look. Anyway I hope your doing well otherwise and the Hubby and kids are good. It's been pretty insane around here, my Husband had major back surgery 3 months ago and Ive been a full time nurse around the clock on top of a million other things going on. Would love to get together again and catch up, it really has been far too long!
    Hey!! We definitely need to get together! And yeah, this morning, every morning, I see clothes that just won't work....but I threw out the big stuff!!! I did my BMI and it's 22.2 in the 20th percentile....so 80% of people my height and she weigh more then me. That's crazy. Then I did the BMI of me at 130lbs and 91% of people were heavier.....but yes, I look much better and I do hear that a lot. But I'm getting the luv handle look and I don't want it lol
  7. Aydensmomma's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Christie13
    I get it. I am a size 1 now and trying not to lose more weight. But we became so used to seeing ourselves big that sometimes we can't adjust our minds around it. Hope you find your happy weight both physically and mentally!! Good luck.
    I was in your spot last year...the 1st time in my life that I actually wanted to gain! It took a year to gain!
  8. Aydensmomma's Avatar
    Thank you all for being nice....i was almost waiting to get a rude comment but I should know better, I've never had issues here.
    But yesterday I put on my jeans, size 2....they zipped up but no way in hell was I going Anywhere in them lol. Then I put on a 5 and had luv handles. Grrrr
    I'm going to use the elliptical every morning to make sure I don't gain and maybe loose the tummy a little. I'll post pics eventually.
  9. GigiUSA's Avatar
    Thank you for your post! I am losing quickly and just reaching my 4th month post op. I noticed a lot more hair in my comb today and could totally relate to what you were saying. I too have a lot of hair and it is long but I want to keep as much of it as I can. My hubby said the other day that he does not want to see me get too thin. I laughed and told him we talked about this... I anticipate that I will get thin before by body figures out where I am supposed to be. I'm not sure, I was just a newbie a few short months ago myself. You look great and I really appreciate your honest post. (hugs) xoxoxo