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Mominatrix

Im Lost

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I haven't posted anything in awhile. I found out on Mother's day that my husband has been having numerous affairs for the last 2 years. Im devastated. I haven't been eating or losing weight. I feel so stupid and fooled. He didn't want me to get this surgery because he thought I would lose weight and leave him. I didn't get a chance to. I thought he was a good man and a good provider. Come to find out I didn't even know how much he made because he had money direct deposited into a separate account. He ran our joint account to negative $600 and still refuses to give me any money for our 3 kids. I know this is completely off topic but I had to let it out.
Any prayers or positive feelings or advice is appreciated. I never thought I would be in this place at my age. I thought he loved me.

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  1. Christie13's Avatar
    I am sooooo sorry to hear that. I wish I was there to give you a big hug. My ex was a cheater. He did me wrong so many times and I stayed like a fool. But eventually I got the courage to leave him and now I am happier than ever and married to my HS sweetheart. You have to eat and take care of yourself to be healthy for you and your kids. As you take care of yourself, you will lose weight. Do not let him take away anything more from you than he already has. His inability to be faithful is not a reflection on you. It shows that he is of weak character. I will never let someone make me feel like my ex husband did. Do you have any family or friends you can turn to? Take him to court. He has to support the kids. Do you work? I know my friend here in Texas did her divorce and was able to have the state waive the fees since she doesn't make that much. And the court will order him to pay child support. It can even be garnished from his wages. Please seek help.
  2. Shirl's Avatar
    My heart is with you.

    Heartbreaks can go either way, you can let take to dark places or you can thank that powers that be that SOB is out of your life!!! As far him not giving you support, guess what you can go apply for social services and they will help you and get after him if you really want it stick it to him.

    Right now, you gotta stay in the here and now, and be strong! I don't know how old the kiddos are but they need their momma more than ever! Here is where you will prove to that SOB what he has lost.

    Yes what you are going through its fucking devastating, but you are not the first or the last and you will get through this!

    Stay on program! More than ever you (and kids) need stability, staying on your program will help you overcome a lot more than you think you are capable of, and it will teach your kids you are a fierce force to be reckoned with!!!
  3. jamma's Avatar
    There's a saying, "Living well is the best revenge". Don't let him take away positive things in your life. Take legal steps right away to make him responsible for things he should be responsible for. Don't give him the power to ruin your life.
  4. DesertGal's Avatar
    I am SO sorry to hear this! You need to take care of yourself and continue on the path you have begun, for you.... and your kids. Your health comes first. I know you must be heartbroken, angry and all the other emotions that go along with what you are experiencing, but be glad you FOUND out now. You have a whole new life to look forward too. Hugs to you.
  5. Mominatrix's Avatar
    I was trying to be fair with him but now he has made me so angry, I think Im turning into that b!@&$ ex wife. I have spoken with a lawyer and he signed a separation agreement but now he has broken that so there is more lawyer stuff to be done.

    On happier news, I've been inspired to actually weigh myself tomorrow morning (haven't for a couple weeks) and keep myself in line! I've got to get healthy for myself. I didn't put myself thru all the pain and hassle the last 2 months to just give up!!!

    I should have been visiting this forum the whole time for support. You guys are amazing!
  6. Christie13's Avatar
    You got this. And don't be afraid to lean on us. We are here for you any time you need us. And no....he is the one who was an @$$hole. You put on your boxing gloves and don't let him push you around. And as Jamma said, the best revenge will be once you are looking smoking hot and he realizes the colossal mistake he made.
  7. Sandra3's Avatar
    I'm so sorry your husband broke your heart!

    Unfortunately in my line of work I see that often, and saw so many female colleagues coming back to Paris divorced it is really sad and also infuriating. In many countries (usually third world) a European man is like a walking wallet and they can't resist the temptation of young women half their age "giving them back their youth". Just disgusting.

    Anyway, here are my two cents.
    Focus on yourself. Try to heal the best you can. I know it's easy to say but I've seen many scenarios on the "after divorce" I can tell you my friends who got better faster are those who focused on themselves. Saw a shrink, got help. A mum who feels better about herself is always doing a better job.
    Talking about job, if you are not currently working, try to find something, even part-time because be outside in the world will help you put yourself together.

    I know that if I was in your shoes I would probably feel guilty about the weight and feel responsible about the cheating too, but look. It's not about the weight here. Men cheat. They just do.
    It is a shame to cheat on a spouse when you have three children. But try to turn the page, don't say bad things about your husband in front of the kids (even if it's true they could resent you later for that). Try to be the better person here, I'm sure you can do it.

    The sleeve will help you getting a better health too, may be in a few months you will be able to meet other people and have a different future. Your plans did change but there is still lots of happiness for you in the world, it's just a matter of finding it and looking in the right direction with a positive attitude.

    Also, find a good lawyer and get the judge to make him pay what he should. But let the lawyer handle the talking. Try to stay outside and don't let your husband drag you into useless conversations. He need to pay, no excuses. I saw one of my colleague have the judge send her husband to jail for three days. After that it was a miracle but he always paid on time. I think that's a little extreme but the justice system is there to help you. Use it.

    Take your time to put yourself together and get stronger, breeze, feel better.
    Things will get better with time!
    Take care!
  8. SoSewSue62's Avatar
    File for divorce, not separation. As soon as you do that - have lawyer put in to freeze assests, make him declare his earnings so he can't get out of paying support. Go for spousal support if you don't work, make court documents show it was agreed upon that you were a mother and homemaker - make him pay so you can go to school and get training for a job. Find out about any state programs to help you.
    Get therapy too. I divorced at 18 years of marriage and with 4 kids - so if I can do it so can you. Pick a lucrative field that doesn't compromise your kids - mine was computer tech and I made good money at it. A friend of mine picked teaching, another health care, etc. Don't settle for low end and don't wait.
    My ex was a drunk and a cheater.....your best revenge will be in being successful and telling him to shove it. One other thing, do not denegrate the jerk in front of the kids, be above that. Come on here to rant or meet a gf to do that. Good luck.
  9. sraebaer's Avatar
    So sorry! Sounds like you need a good lawyer right away. Feel free to vent here anytime, sometimes writing something down just makes you feel better.
  10. TarotAces's Avatar
    We're totally here for you. Anytime.

    You've gotten a ton of very sound advice already on this thread, and I don't have anything of use to add.

    Just hang in there and focus on you, and your kids.
  11. GigiUSA's Avatar
    (hugs) Prayers and positive vibes to you. It is hard to hear what does not kill us makes us stronger ...but it is true!!! I was in a deceptive marriage many, many years ago and it crushed me. I was devastated. I relied on my husband for everything (financially/emotionally). I could not believe I did not see it all coming until it hit me in the face. FLASH FORWARD... I was able to get my degree, raise my kids, remarried (17 years together). We are in a happy marriage that is on the up and up. My hubby gives me support that my ex never could. I suspect yours could not either if he was worried you would leave him because of the weight loss.

    I am so sorry that you are going through all this in your life right now. Just know that YOU are stronger than you think! Life is too short to let him or anyone else steal your JOY. Take it a step at a time... but you will get through this and my wish for you is that you find happiness as I have on the other side. xo