I went to an info session about surgical interventions for weight loss. Although my BMI is high, I honestly never imagined that I'd qualify for surgery or want to go through it. However, the more I thought about it, the more surgery seemed to make sense- especially once I learned about the changes that occur if you remove part of the stomach. If I can get the surgery and have more energy-- even if I look exactly the same-- I'll feel like this was a success. I'd obviously like to lose weight because I feel like my joints would be happier and I'd be able to do more activities with my husband and kids.

When I went for my appt at U Penn, I was told to keep my weight stable. My concern is that I might actually lose weight. I've had a stomach bug since Wednesday and I've barely eaten anything. Normally this would be something I'd never complain about-- I mean, isn't it great to lose weight? But now in order to qualify I need to maintain my (unhealthy) weight. It just doesn't makes sense to me, although I guess I understand why my insurance company requires it.

I have three meetings set up (one every month) with the nutritionist at Penn, and a slew of other things I need to do in between. I was already read the riot act about making sure I did my psych paperwork BEFORE the appointment-- that it might take up to 2 hours to complete. I've done it all except for the part about my weights before and after kids. I have no idae- I'll need to get my medical records to figure that out.

Tomorrow I have a bunch of phone calls to make- I need to start making appointments. It's exciting to be on the path, but I still can't help but feel that it's not real.

One of my crazy concerns is that I will get the sleeve and not lose any weight. I just can't see myself as a smaller person. I'm worried that I could drastically cut back what I eat but somehow my body will hold onto everything it has now. Hopefully this never happens.

It's also weird that I am thinking about alcohol a lot. I don't drink. ANd I've heard that if you have the sleeve, you shouldn't drink. But for me, it's one thing to CHOOSE not to drink, and it's another to be told that I CAN'T drink. Weird, but somehow, it bothers me.

That's all for tonight. Tired and I have a long day tomorrow- I'm driving to and from NYC to drop off a visiting guest.