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superbitcaj81

Tired of being fat

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Hello everyone,
I am 5 days pre-op and 9 days on my diet. I've lost 7 pounds so far and I'm hoping to make it at least 10 before surgery. I can't ever remember not being fat. I've seen pictures of myself as a young child, maybe 6, and I was thin, but I don't remember it. I was teased and bullied as a child growing up and now as an adult I suffer from low self-esteem and poor self image. The earliest memories I have about my weight are roughly from the age of 10, I was the only 4th grader to wear a bra and have hips, so naturally I was made fun of for being different. I'm told by friends and family that I carry my weight well and I don't look fat, but I know how I feel everyday. I am a size 18-20 jeans and xl-2x shirt. My thighs have rubbed together all my life and its hard to find jeans to fit my legs and butt while also not being too big in the waist. I consider myself to be pear shaped, I have a visible waist line with wide hips, a bubble butt, and the classic thunder thighs. I know its not good to judge yourself by what people label things, but I wanted to give an idea of the image I've developed of myself over the years. I am getting the gastric sleeve surgery so that I can finally be healthy, wear nice clothes, be and feel sexy, gain the confidence that I've been lacking since forever, and prove to myself that I can make this change happen. I've tried diets and exercise with little to no results more times than I care to admit, but I'm hoping that this time when I add in the sleeve it will help me to finally reach my goals. I also have severe arthritis that depends on this surgery helping me to lose weight because I have no cartilage left in my ankle joint. I was hesitant to join any groups because I have social anxiety, but I figured that this could only help if I'm surrounded by people who know what I have gone through and am going through. I'm excited to start this journey and after reading some of your accomplishments you have given me the strength and courage I needed to hopefully become one of the next success stories on here. <3

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  1. Hotrodgirl's Avatar
    Hello Super, I can totally relate having been overweight so young, for me it's been since 8 years old. I'm having surgery for all the same reasons + one- to be able to be more active with my kids. I know if I don't do something drastically different Im going to keep slowly going down this dark road.

    I understand how you describe your body The only difference between you and I is that I'm one size larger than you, and it's my hip giving me trouble instead of my ankle. My surgery is in 11 days and I will be starting my diet this week. Honestly I've been doing a 1,300 cal diet since July. I've lost 30lbs initially, my hip started giving me trouble, so I've slowed down but maintained my weight loss. I'm finally going to kick that pesky diet soda addiction once and for all! I hope to hear about your journey. Keep us posted!
  2. Christie13's Avatar
    Hi Super! This surgery is life changing. You still need to put in the work by eating right, but this sleeve will help you lose weight. You will gain confidence. It is hard at first, but it will get easier every day. This site is full of people who are very helpful and supportive! Reach out if you need anything! And congrats on your decision to get healthy!
  3. Qbdriver's Avatar
    I too now how you feel. I've been getting heavier since I was 12 years old. I was teased all of my life. I'm now 60 years old. I got the gastric sleeve done 6 days ago. Had to do it for heath reasons. I did a lot of research on this before I started on this journey. I'm hoping this forum can keep me on track to a better life.
  4. superbitcaj81's Avatar
    Thank you all so much! Good luck to you as well. I will definitely keep you updated and I'll be celebrating your milestones with you as well. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way. I didn't start my diet early because I wanted to have time to say goodbye to all my comfort foods/bad habits. I feel like, for lack of a better word at the moment, having closure with my guilty pleasures will help me to stay on track with my new life goals and habits. It may sound stupid to some, but even though I enjoyed many different foods, I've had a bad relationship with food my whole life. I get bored easily by eating the same thing over and over whether it be junk food, healthy food, etc. I definitely need to research some tasty recipes for after my healing is complete. I hope to have a better relationship with food and to find something new and healthy to comfort me rather than eat my way out of boredom/stress. I want to eat to live, not live to eat. Eventually, I hope to have the ability to run without feeling like I've been hit by a mack truck and an elephant is sitting on my chest. Even if it is a small distance to start, something is better than nothing. I would also like to not be the only idiot wearing long pants/capris in the summer when its 100+ degrees outside. Oh how I would love to wear shorts and dresses without giving myself indian burns on my thighs. Of course I'm a bit concerned with loose skin. When I did the HCG diet I lost weight fast and my skin was able to keep up with my loss. I believe it was due to the supplements the doctor told me to take, so as soon as I'm able to swallow whole pills again ill be taking those. For anyone who is interested in what the supplements are: 1 chromium piccolinate before a meal, 1 CoQ10 during your meal, and 1 L-carnitine after your meal. Obviously that means one of each daily, before, during, and after the same meal. Luckily the chromium piccolinate and CoQ10 are small and you won't require too much to drink to swallow them, if anything. Also, you are supposed to take the first pill 30 minutes before a meal and the last pill 30 minutes after. Anyway, I feel that these greatly reduced my skin sagging and it reduced my cellulite as well. Maybe the combination helped target those areas of fat stores and metabolize them while moisturizing my skin from the inside. Whatever it does, it was pure magic! lol
  5. elle77's Avatar
    I have had body issues all of my life. I was always told you have such a pretty face but not a good body. I also had a body that was not considered normal at the time. Big butt, developed at an early age and was always teased. Now that the weight is coming off I finally have that confidence that was missing for so long. Every day is different and there will be challenges here and there. You will get through it. Just be positive about the outcome. This new change is for you and you only.
    Wishing you the best of luck on Friday!

    **** Thanks for the tip on the chromium piccolinate and COQ10. They have them in chewables too. Going to try it out.
  6. superbitcaj81's Avatar
    You're welcome, I found that taking those 3 supplements helped with the skin and cellulite in a major way. Any other time I lost weight I noticed more dimpling and sagging, but even with the quick weight loss from HCG it was no problem. I did well with that diet, but it didn't restrict me enough to keep with the lifestyle change.
  7. ACE's Avatar
    It sounds like you are ready to make the changes it takes to get where YOU want to be. Just remember that the weight loss isn't the hardest part its the mental changes and the body image changes that are the worst. You can do this and we are all here for you! You rock for making this step to get healthy and you will succeed like so many of us have! I wish you all the best and remember to try to always tell yourself how much you love YOU and that this is your journey no matter what anyone says. There are trolls here like anywhere and you have to remember when they pop up to ignore their words and keep focusing on you!
  8. sraebaer's Avatar
    You'll do great! My secret was my positive attitude, look at each stage as fun. Believe me, there is nothing more fun than watching the weight fall off, getting compliments, and feeling good. (Oh, and shopping, that was REALLY FUN.) I still catch glances at the mirror and think, "Is that me?!?"
  9. Linda51's Avatar
    I know exactly what you're talking about--the teasing as a kid and feeling like you don't fit in anywhere. One of my earlier memories is of dieting with my Dad and once a week going to the doctor for a "diet shot". I'm not sure what was in those shots, but in 1959 I'm sure it wasn't anything that we would consider healthy today. Also, like you, I've tried all kinds of diets with varying degrees of success but have never been able to keep the weight from coming back to all the wrong places on my body. I'm currently working my way through the Medicare requirements and hopefully will get my surgery date soon. I wish you the best of luck and hope that you will keep us updated with your progress.
  10. superbitcaj81's Avatar
    Thank you everyone for your kind and encouraging words, you all made me cry. I'm 5 days out from surgery and I have lost 10 pounds already. I don't notice it anywhere but the scale yet, but then again I'm not wearing regular clothes yet either. PJ's for me until my incisions heal, unless I have a dr appointment of course. I'm lucky to have you all here with me and I want you to know that I appreciate each and every one of you. Linda51, I have to tell you that its been hard adjusting so far, but I can see where I will grow to love my sleeve as soon as we understand each other better. LOL
  11. Leslieann's Avatar
    You'll love this journey as it gets better and better with time!!

    Losing the weight is the best and feeling healthy!!!