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Muted_Tummy

We interupt this normal wait for a blog post about the dangers of dreaming about Wonderland.....inhale, exhale

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Muted_Tummy
, 11-07-2016 at 09:29 AM (3306 Views)
Wonderland.

It was one of the first bari-centric words I learned...getting under 200.

That seemed impossible and unattainable pre-op. But, for many of us, it IS attainable and sustainable. It's just foreign.

I got under 210 last month and so immediately the brain goes WONDERLAND IS COMING....aaaaaaand.....it hasn't cometh yet so I wanted to talk it out loud for myself (and others on their journey).

In the past, I would get angry with my body. WHY WON'T YOU LOSE?! I'M DOING EVERYTHING "RIGHT"!!

Since sleeve surgery, I am on the road to a 180 shift on this and thanking my body all the time. Reeeally trying to change this mindset of being at war with my body and instead respecting the processes that try to keep me alive. My body/genes do not know I have a fridge and a convenience store in walking distance in my first world country. I am built to survive. So, I have to make peace with my body and earn its trust that I won't let it starve; I will feed it well, and so on.

My scale pattern seems to be emerging in first year loss of two low weeks and two higher weeks. My dysfunctional period screws with everything so it's hard to know for sure what my body is up to using a scale, but, it's one metric.

So....last week's .8 I handled fine. "Ah, it's a low week", I thought.

So far this week, and battling constipation from the Lupron shot, my weight is roller coasting up and down but never lower than last week's weigh in by more than point 2. That old WTF feeling was building and I STOPPED myself for the first time this morning.

I wont be mad at my body. I am mad at this Wonderland expectation I bought into my journey and started focussing on, instead of the long game and health. Granted, it's a big milestone for many of us and it should be celebrated when we get there. But....

I am not mad at my body for making that benchmark challenging to reach. How scary it must be for my body to get under a weight I haven't seen in over a decade. Of course it will fight for me to stay here. I have to trust the rules and keep on keeping on.

So, I do truly hope to hit wonderland by Thanksgiving. It was a goal of mine that was founded in health...65+ lbs in 6 months. But if I don't, it's just an effing number and there is no rush.

I feel great and bought a size L coat yesterday. That feels wonderful.

Don't let numbers steal your joy. Practice kindness and patience with your body daily. Love yourself.

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  1. KariVSG's Avatar
    i havent reached 200 yet im at 201 but my surgery is tomorrow and i hope i will be under the 200s in a few days...
  2. Sandra3's Avatar
    Because for me it's in metric, I will be under 100 soon. Actually takes for ever but I'm not even in a rush anymore...I thought about it a lot one year ago....now it's something else..
    My cousin came to joins us during our vacation in October. We were really close during Uni and after that since I travel so much for work, we only saw each other once every year or sometimes 2/3 years.
    At some point we spoke about the surgery, I was telling him how strange it felt that I lost 1/3 of my (highest) weight in such a short time....he said 'it's a huge victory" and then after a few seconds he added " he does feel strange for me too because now you do look like .....like 20 years ago..."...and I replied that I still have my bonus wrinkles now...he said "not really". That was sweet of him (I do have wrinkles and my neck is not smooth..)....he knows how hard it was that whole journey...the war against obesity for more than 20 years...but sometimes I do forget that my loved ones around me also deal with that aspect of the story...I am changing on the outside...I'm wearing different things too....I actually dig into my jewelry armoire to find nice pieces my husband gave me ages ago but never bother to wear (what for? on a whale?) ....my husband is happy that I finally wear those pieces!
    I'm glad my cousin shared how he feels (men...usually they say nothing!) it's important to also speak with our friends and family...I know for my older daughter who's at uni it's also a shock because she doesn't see me everyday...she said I don't look the same...probably because ...I'm not the same...I do feel so much better...and I'm not under 100 yet
  3. Emmeraldas's Avatar
    I have not seen 200 lb since April of 1990. I waved at the Wonderland gates in 1999, when I got down to 215. Alas it was not to be. So here I am working my way back to see those golden gates again. You are right, it is a milestone but not the focus of the journey. Good luck! Hope to see you in Wonderland next year!
  4. Pam G's Avatar
    I was really underwhelmed when I hit 199. I mean, happy, of course, but not 'fall to my knees crying' or anything.

    this whole wt thing business is still so weird to me. In my mind, I'm fat. In my mirror I'm looking more 'normal'. I can't get my mind and my mirror to merge.
  5. Cherub's Avatar
    You are a rock star. I love your posts. So informative, mind centering and encouraging. Thank you.
  6. Sandra3's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Pam G
    I was really underwhelmed when I hit 199. I mean, happy, of course, but not 'fall to my knees crying' or anything.

    this whole wt thing business is still so weird to me. In my mind, I'm fat. In my mirror I'm looking more 'normal'. I can't get my mind and my mirror to merge.
    Same here...even if I connect better this month with my new size (after 3 weeks of massages) I feel I will always be obese...even if people around me say I'm "normal"...obesity will always be there....may be it will not take months but years. But I think it will stay on the back burner what ever I do...
  7. jamma's Avatar
    "Don't let the numbers steal your joy" I like that. I will try to remember it through my journey.
  8. redkcmom's Avatar
    I can't wait either to be under 200. But what I love the most is when I look down and I don't have that belly sticking out. I can wear XL shirts and smaller jeans. Keep after it and I understand your pain. But what a great joy size L!!