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Small vent

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For the last two weeks I was looking forward to going to this party, I mean counting down the days. But here's the thing, I had an awful time. I can't drink because if I go ONE calorie over 1200 I instantly gain and have to work twice as hard the next two weeks just to get back to normal. So basically everyone around me was drinking, having fun, eating all this awesome food and living life while my sober ass sat around waiting for my husband to get tired while watching everyone enjoy life and chow down on this great food while I sip my water, eat my 7 apple chips and lie about why I am not drinking. I hung out at my own little pity party sulking about how I will never be normal and no one even noticed how great i looked because that novelty has worn off. Even worse, I am not a jealous person but I felt jealous of every woman there laughing and having fun and not worrying about calories and sugar and carbs and water. Then after all my diligence, I STILL GAINED WEIGHT this week. So frustrated! My husbands idea of support is "wow, that sucks" as he scarfs down nachos in front of my face.
Is this regret? Should I have just stayed fat so I could have fun? Not one person around me has to worry about weight or being healthy and I just feel like my new lifestyle is driving a wedge between me and everyone I know.

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  1. Kindle's Avatar
    I go to parties all the time and don't drink and don't pig out. But I still socialize and interact with everyone there. I usually drink ice water and nosh on the veggie trays. Yesterday I was at a fund raiser where people were drinking beer, wine and whiskey. Dinner was chili and mac and cheese and corn bread. Dessert was your choice of 10 different pies. I had a great time laughing and telling stories. The water, coffee and couple bites of chili I had were an afterthought. Enjoying life is not about what you can and can't shove in your mouth. I'm sorry you feel this way.

    I guess if you think you have to be buzzed to have a good time then next time drink water and eat a couple protein bars during the day and save the other 800 calories for the booze at the party.
  2. Pam G's Avatar
    There are some people that say they don't "diet" after the sleeve, but I can't imagine a life without dieting. Being on a diet is what makes me lose wt and I'm pretty sure dieting is what I'll have to do to maintain, as well. Pisses me off.

    Life is full of choices, like Kindle said. Seems to me like you'll have to choose what you consider "fun" and whether you are willing to sacrifice a few pounds for it.

    I totally empathize with you, by the way. It sucks having our metabolism.
  3. Katrina's Avatar
    I'm sorry.
  4. sraebaer's Avatar
    I was at a party last night and did drink, enjoyed the food, and the company. They had a taco bar, so I had grilled chicken topped with spicy black beans, salsa, corn, some cheese, and tomatoes. Yum. I had a few glasses of wine (figured it was less calories than the margaritas.) I gained one pound this morning, but it will be off by tomorrow! (5 mile hike today and back to my eating plan.) My life has never stopped since the sleeve, and is more fun than ever. I certainly am not going to sit around feeling sorry for myself because I can't eat like I used to. Do you know how much fun it is being able to wear ANYTHING in my closet and knowing it will be cute? I used to be the fattest person in the room, now THAT was depressing and embarrassing.

    The function last night was for my husband's job, he must have been embarrassed of me too in the past, though he was too kind to ever say anything.
  5. mrf0418's Avatar
    I'm sorry you had a bad time. Since my surgery I tend to have five pounds I gain and loose. I have never counted calories and do not obsess about my weight. I also do not watch what I eat, I focus on protein first and have little room for anything else. It sounds like you may need to talk to someone as it appears that you are obsessed with calories and intake. Maybe being a bit less obsessive about intake etc. you may be able to enjoy life. You do not go to parties everyday, nor drink. Having a drink and some party food is part of life, you should not have to feel jealous of anyone nor be miserable at a party. It sounds like your mindset needs to change. This surgery was to change you life for the better, not make you miserable for the rest of your life.
  6. Ann2's Avatar
    How old are you? Serious question.
  7. Ann2's Avatar
    Quite a few not-quite-middle-aged WLS patients find themselves after losing weight yearning for the lifestyle they had as a young adult or the lifestyle at that age they never got to experience.

    However, I could be completely off base. But it sounds like you're not entirely sure what's going on either. I would encourage you to find a therapist pronto to learn more about the source(s) of your current dissatisfaction so you can address those.

    BTW, I will guaran-damn-tee you that your future happiness will not come from regaining your lost weight by eating and drinking like you used to. But I think you know that.

    Very best to you!
  8. sraebaer's Avatar
    Ann, you always sound so wise. I'm more the quit whining type; it you want to be fat, just be fat. You can easily eat and drink as much as your friends if you pace yourself, just eat every half hour or so. And drink a lot; I promise you won't even remember the evening. I did that one time after surgery and totally learned my lesson. But you're right, we are the old ones here, and maybe we know a little more about what's important in life?
  9. Merry Mary's Avatar
    It's unfortunate you feel you need to drink alcohol and consume a lot of food to enjoy yourself at a party. Did you lose the weight for yourself or for everyone else? I don't care if people comment on my weight loss or not, I did it for me and I'm happy with the results. You can't change anyone, but only you control how you react to various situations.
  10. barbaradear1's Avatar
    I tend to agree with what Ann said about wanting to have a lifestyle that we may not have had when we were younger because of the weight. I could totally see myself doing that. I personally had quit drinking to lose weight long before this surgery. When I would drink I learned to drink Select 55 because it only has the 55 calories. Since I don't drink it only takes one or two. Getting away from eating good food is really hard for me. I LOVE bread! However I also love cheese and I can have that so I am slowly learning.

    I have to say I am looking at your before and after pictures and you look AMAZING! I am sure to have one night where you truly enjoyed yourself and then stayed off the scale for a few weeks to let your body recover wouldn't have been so bad. If you know you are going to be going out plan for it. Plan a low calorie alcoholic beverage if you feel the need to drink, and plan to be at the gym for the next 2 weeks, and no scales until then. Otherwise, find a different way to enjoy your friends while they drink. Play games! I love to get a bunch of drunk people playing crazy games. I would put on the kinect and pull out a dance game...hahaha!
  11. KariVSG's Avatar
    How are you doing??
  12. jennifermeske's Avatar
    Hon, you should have just had a drink or two, and ate whatever awesome food you wanted to (it would not have been much), hitting the gym this week with a little more fervor. You'd be much happier right now. You've succeeded but will fluctuate in water weight throughout your life, enjoy the journey within reason, you'll be much happier and more at peace with who you have become. Congrats on getting to goal, I never made it to goal and gained 10 pounds back but I have no struggle with enjoying where I am at, just the opposite, I eat and drink whatever I want, probably being one of those ladies so happy to be eating and drinking and merry making, but I've had the sleeve and love the fact that I can only eat minimal amounts of food. I hit the gym 4-5 times a week, and this helps, plus i'm still in a 6/8/10, depending on the fit of the style. I understand the battle, even through menopause, which is a whole different level of challenge, but life is to short to suffer and be miserable. Next time eat those 4 nachos (you'll be full after that), have that glass of wine (with lots of ice) and celebrate the victory you have won, you've earned it! Come Monday, back on the battleground (gym, water, leaner food, etc). Don't get bitter in this process, get better in attitude... enjoy your life, your food, your hubby, your wine... Just balance it, you'll have more joy
  13. JennK's Avatar
    I think you should enjoy the party.. Like jennifermeske said.. enjoy the few bites you can eat, have that drink, and enjoy the party. You worked hard. Enjoy your life.. If you gain a pound or two, who cares, you are happy, and can burn that the next week!! You made this change for you, not others Try to enjoy life as much as possible Hugs