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Emotional reaction to psych report

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I read my psych report this week. The psychologist emailed me his report that he sent to my surgeon. He recommended me as a good candidate for the surgery. But that is not why I had an emotional reaction.

The appointment with the Psych doc was long, as I am sure you all experienced with all the questions/tests and paperwork etc. The interview session with the doc was full of questions and really deep personal questions about family history, relationships, medical history, general life history and food relationship etc.

What really got to me while reading it was just how spot on the doc was in summarizing my history after going through his questions. I felt like I was talking out loud giving an oral history of my life and medical conditions that have resulted from my weight problem but I was reading a report. It was that comprehensive. At the time of the meeting, I did not feel like I was really telling that much information. I just answered a lot of questions.

Why do I feel so jolted by reading it all? I think it is because I hide my pain. I know I was going to see a Psych doc. I knew he had to provide the surgeon and my insurance a report. I was just not prepared for how I felt reading it.

When reading the report, the tears came down like a rain storm because even though the info was correct, I never had the same conversation with my self about all of it in one sitting. I have had therapy several times in my life briefly on certain topics, but I was feeling like all of the history was here in one place and it mad me so so so sad to see my own suffering.

He listed the various approaches to weight control I have done over the years where I lost weight and then gained it back. Seeing them all listed there was disturbing. It made me feel overwhelmed with feelings of failure. Of course when the doc asked me about the reasons for my weight loss failures, those responses also showed up in the report as “shame, sense of lack of control, self-esteem issues … work stress … travel … on the road 14 years … work long hours and commute … lifestyle issues.” WHEW! no wonder I am unhappy I said to myself when reading this on the report. What a load of thoughts I am carrying around.

There is one section of the report where he writes detail about psychologically relevant history. I remember him asking me all the questions and one question in particular about "what times in your life do you think you should have gotten help to deal with something that was upsetting or disturbing". I really surprised myself with my answers. A thread of abandonment and being excluded came across and some of it he concluded based on things that I shared that happened 35+ years ago. I had shared those things before with therapist but I had never seen the common thread that I can see in my current life and how I react to things. I think I have hidden myself in my success professionally. I work too much and have struggled with that all my life. Reading this report has me reflecting in ways I have not in the past. I think I push myself so hard at work to be the best performer to avoid being excluded (ranked low or not asked to be on the best work assignments etc). I have neglected myself and have not made time for myself. I need to get this worked out

The psych doc gave me two cards when I left his office. They are for therapists. I plan to seek one out next week and begin going. I am worried that my coping mechanisms I have today to deal with my psychological pain, will have to be managed better going forward if I am to obtain the results I want from the surgery. I don't have a date yet as the approval process is in play. I am 361 lbs and want to be 180 lbs.

Some of you may wonder why I wrote all this. I needed to do it for me. Clearing my mind and if it helps others then that is a bonus.

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  1. BillyJ's Avatar
    I never saw my psych report. I wish now that I had. I hope you find the help you need and I pray that you reach your goals.
  2. Mbenson5's Avatar
    Very interesting. I think it shows just how aware you are of the stuff on the inside you will have to face, along with the physical. I had a teacher one time tell me you can't separate your head from your body. That resonated with me...
  3. Cherub's Avatar
    Thank you for BillieJ and Mbenson5. I am really deep in thought on this and your comments support my thinking. I have been reading on the forum since end May when I joined just after seeing the surgeon for consultation. My surgeon had very little to say unless I asked a question, so my research has been on my own until I found this wonderful group to learn from. Some of the posts got me thinking about how I use food to cope with things. The psych report just really woke me up. Now I have work to do so I don't sabotage myself with my old ways.
  4. WANAGL's Avatar
    I had a similar reaction.

    I'm so grateful to have the world's best (IMHO) therapist who specializes in WLS patients. She's helped me get down to "causes and conditions".

    Best of luck as you continue your journey!

  5. Cherub's Avatar
    Thanks WANAGL. Did you know in the first session that your therapist was a match of you and was good a helping WLS patients? Or did it take several sessions to know? I have wasted tine in the past.
  6. KariVSG's Avatar
    I never seen my report either. Should we ask for a copy??
  7. Ann2's Avatar
    I resemble that blog.

    Why don't you ask THIS psychologist to be your therapist? This is what a good one does / looks like.

    Trust me. I know.
  8. Cherub's Avatar
    I did ask the psych if he conducted therapy sessions. He does not sadly. I think he is so good at what he does, he is overloaded with work. He got to my issues pretty quick. I did not ask for the report, it just got emailed to me. They asked for my email in the paperwork. I was surprised to get it. I am sure if you want a copy, the office of your surgeon could send to you.