As I get close to my goal I am starting to really notice how much I have changed over the past 8 months. When you go through something so drastic it is hard not to notice old habits and patterns.
I never thought that I was a stress eater or had issues with food. My friends would even wonder how I was not "normal" sized. WELL I DID IT IN PRIVATE. I didn't even realize this until a few weeks ago when I was feeling stressed. My instinct was to stop at Dairy Queen and get a medium blizzard and demolish it on my way home from work. I didn't do it. I drove past and thought....man that would make me so sick. What I find interesting is that I never knew I had an issue. This will always be a problem for me. I will always have to make the choice that is best for me, but at least I can recognize it now and know that there was a problem there. I don't miss the treats, but I miss the feeling they gave me. Still trying to figure out what that feeling was though! I need to replace it in a healthy way...maybe meditation, or yoga, or going for a walk.
My friend has been trying to get me to sign up for a 5K with her, and I am just scared to death to do it. I still see myself as grossly fat and don't want to be noticed in a crowd. When I told that friend that...she laughed at me (in a nice way) and said that I am not that person. That she actually looks at me and can't believe that I am bean pole shaped. (She had the sleeve done about 1.5 years ahead of me). That made me laugh a lot...I don't see myself as tall and thin. I feel like I would have to lose about 30-40 more pounds to be a thin rail as she calls it.
I am 6 pounds from my goal. 6 pounds! I can't believe it. I want to go 20 past that, but I am going to focus on making it those last 6 pounds and then evaluate from there. Being 5'9 maybe weighing 170 isn't realistic for me. My body will let me know when the time is right.
What I am most discouraged about is the extra skin on my thighs. I HATE IT. I don't ever want to look at it. I don't think any amount of exercise is going to help that situation. I want to feel beautiful and I have to figure out how to look past that. Hopefully I can.

This picture is me today....at 196 pounds. I never announce my weight...but I am not so afraid of it anymore.