Looking through old pictures...
by
, 01-31-2016 at 11:52 AM (1745 Views)
I can't believe that was me. I have pictures that show me gradually getting bigger and bigger until I hit my max weight of 255lbs.
I knew I was big. I knew I was obese, but I didn't realize just how big I was. I looked in the mirror and I saw myself. I didn't see that person in the picture. When I would have to dress up it was fustrating because nothing fit good, but after I was dressed and ready I was happy with myself. Thought I looked good. Perfect example is my before picture, which was taken at a wedding. I was a guest and I remember feeling pretty. Now I look at that picture and I'm embarrassed.
I would step on the scale at the Doctor's office and see I was 250lbs. I didn't feel like I was that big. After talks with the Doc and many failed attempts at dieting we decided it was PCOS working against me.
So PCOS was making it really hard to loose but PCOS didn't put the food in my mouth. I did. depression didn't make me eat the ice cream. Ultimately I made the decision to get 255lbs, and not be a good, healthy example for my kids. I have no one to blame but myself.
I made the decision to get the sleeve. People like to say that WLS is the easy way out. As we all know, it's anything but easy. The 1st 3 weeks were hard. Our bodies are mad at us for the disruption, our brain wants us to eat, our hormones are wacky and putting us on emotional rollercoaster. We get so excited to loose weight and then we stall.
We exercise, eat right, watch our calories, log and weigh our meals. We make sure we have enough water and protien. It isn't easy. It's a total lifestyle change.
I'm really proud to say that the person looking back at me in the mirror is still me. But now I really see myself, I feel good when I get dressed. No more dreading shopping, no more sweat pants and big t-shirts. I get up earlier to do my makeup, I match my shoes with what I'm wearing, I even put a little jewelry on. My hubby will ask me who I'm dressing so nice for and you know what my answer is? I do it for me. I do it for you, and I do it for our kids.