You've done nothing wrong, so apologizing is not necessary.

The guilt and shame your experiencing for the choices you have made needs to be forgiven. Prior to coming to Jesus I made many selfish and terrible choices (this was 16 years ago), ones that could have destroyed my future and my childs future.... But God, in His ever loving mercy and grace, rescued me. To be washed free of my sins, my selfishness and self centeredness, was the greatest most liberating event of my life, and continues to this very day. Where the spirit of the Lord is there is liberty, no guilt, no shame, just forgiveness, love and freedom. Whatever your past looks like, is not what defines you, but it does bring us to these moments in life when we have to confront what our choices have lead us to. I could not get my life right whatsoever but it was because I was not living it for God, once I submitted all, everything, and I do mean everything fell into place. When guilt and shame try to come into my mind, I know its the devil trying to cover me in his darkness and I counteract it everytime by saying "Thank you God for your mercy and Grace". It never happens anymore because darkness cannot rule my mind.

If you've distanced yourself from God, get back under the protection of Grace, counteract those lies being thrown at you like darts and just thank God for His love and mercy. If you have people in your life who want to remind you of mistakes, quietly draw away until your strong enough to address it as God does, it's done, forgiven, thrown into the sea of forgiveness, never to be seen again. Of course for this to happen you have to have some one on one time with God and lay it all at Hid feet but He is there, just waiting for you to come.

God is good, in every detail of your life and loves you so much He sent Jesus to take every ounce of guilt and shame away from you, so you wont bear these burdens, its to much for us to handle, makes us sick, destroys what great plans God has for us and can lead a legacy of destruction for our children. Why choose this????

Find a pastor and just let it all out, I was a minister and I've heard it all, prior to accepting Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I was the one doing it all. Now, all is clean, washed and so full of love, light and forgiveness I couldn't keep it to myself if I tried.

When the spirit is washed in love, forgiveness and grace, everything and I do mean everything, is touched.

Whoever you are, blessed journey, we are all on one regardless if we want to acknowledge God or not.

If you haven't already, please check the messages I sent yesterday.


This will take time to adjust both physically and mentally. Overall, you are the answer to all that ills you. Please understand you are the answer. .because you are strong enough to make this work!! My ex-GF's grandmother had stomach cancer, and had a her stomach basically removed. Why? Well duh!! It had cancer! your stomach was allowing you to "eat the cancer" if you will, and damage your body. Yes, slower than a terminal disease such as cancer but, a terminal disease within itself.

This is hard.. you are stronger!! One love!!

Jennifer is right. I think the only way you are going to find peace is through someone much bigger and more powerful than you. My heart breaks for you with each post you make. I'm sorry you are struggling so much. But there is peace. You are loved. You are cared for.

http://www.amazon.com/Ragamuffin-Gos...amuffin+gospel

Check the above book out from Amazon or your library. Find peace and joy.

Deborah