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Feeling sorry for myself

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I just want to get a few things off my chest...as I am feeling sorry for myself (not cool).
I am not celebrating the weight loss that I have had, instead I am dwelling on what is still to come. I have lost 101 pounds since the end of June. That should be exciting and fun, but instead I am stressed out about whether or not I will ever get to my goal. I worry that this is my end point that I am not destined to be "thin".
I fly to Chicago on Thanksgiving to see my mom and dad. They both saw me in July, and I was smaller then...but nowhere near where I am now. My mom keeps making comments about me being smaller than her. Where is the support? Where is the love? She is my mom...and she should be proud of me, but instead makes it about her. Story of my life. Everything is always about everyone else and not me.
Pretty sure my new relationship is over...and instead of bouncing back and acknowledging that it wasn't the right fit...I am depressed and worried about being alone. I am so tired of being lonely. I enjoy his company and laughter and friendship. Now, I will be alone again....for the holidays. Not fun. Why can't I focus on ME. Turn the focus into the gym, and my eating and taking care of me? That sounds awful. I want company and companionship. I think I am messed up.

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  1. thenewmetoday's Avatar
    I hear you and I also honour your success. This a process both about food and emotional growth. All part of the plan.
    Might be a good time for some counselling support on your journey. The holiday shit will be over in 6 weeks, you can do this.
  2. cathbas's Avatar
    I have a daughter who is unmarried and feels like that too..i hear you...but you have done awesome..now is time to just be about you...you have accomplished a lot!! an amazing accomplishment..if you go to counseling..it is really all about you...
  3. jaimaroo's Avatar
    I do go to counseling. I love my counselor so much. She has really helped me a lot over the past few years.
    I should find happiness in myself...that is what I really need to work on.
  4. ReadySet's Avatar
    In life I have learned that the only person you can ever really count on is yourself therefore the best emotional investment you can ever make is in you! Even when you find that special someone (and you will) don't ever lose sight of who you are and don't ever stop taking care of you and making sure your needs are met. Nothing worse than losing your identity in the desire to find love.
    Back to the weight loss, you are doing amazing. I am almost a year out and have not lost 100 lbs yet so GOOD FOR YOU!! Your Mom I'm sure is proud of you but everybody has their own view of the world and emotional baggage to deal with. I get similar comments from people in my family, not because they aren't happy for me but because I have changed the symmetry of our relationships. I have always been the fattest person in my family. Now I am pretty much the thinnest and most fit (other than the kiddos). That changes everyone's perspective and we all have to deal with it. One person chooses to complain, another joined a gym and is seeing amazing results and another might be contemplating surgery. All their choices, not mine. My job is to be true to myself and be my own best cheerleader.
    The best things in life come when you aren't expecting them to happen. Throw out your goals, they are only holding you back (because you feel bad when you don't accomplish them which leads to feeling bad, which leads to bad decisions). Focus on you, be the best you everyday in everything you do, open your heart to anything possible and your dreams will all come true. Keep up the great work!!
  5. Ann2's Avatar
    Hey, Jaimaroo.

    First, here's a big ole Thanksgiving hug ((((YOU)))).

    I don't mean to minimize at all the depression you're feeling now, but ultimately your attitude really is up to you. Not your selfish mum, not the guy who wasn't Mr. Right, not the random person who doesn't hold the door open for you. You control your feelings.

    BTW, any chance you're susceptible to seasonal affective disorder (SAD) -- caused by shorter days, longer nights, not enough sunshine? If so, there are some treatments for that that might help.

    Are you seeing a counselor / therapist? If not, I urge you to do that pronto. If you are seeing one already, you've asked some marvelous questions / issues to work through with her/him.

    And here's some truth I have learned: Losing weight is far from the only challenge we will have after WLS. I think losing weight is one of the easiest things we have to do. But to be successful, we all have to do "the other work." We have to accept that we can't change a damned thing about anyone else. Not a damned thing. The only thing you can control is what you create of your own self and life. That is your job -- nothing else.
  6. Aydensmomma's Avatar
    5 months and you lost 100lbs!!!! WOW! Be proud of that!!
    I'm sorry about your relationship ending. In my opinion this time of the year is a crappy time to end a relationship but if it's over, it wasn't right and it's better not to drag it out. I hope your turkey day was great!! Everyone else makes comments about ourselves and it's damn fustrating. They are not used to seeing us smaller. Try to stay positive and I hope you can cheer up!
  7. SpringRose's Avatar
    You are doing great! My heart is with you though. My mother and I have lost our friendship since my surgery. She is topped out on the scale for the first time in her life at 125 pds. And I am 150 ish. But she has turned jealous and bitter and obsessed that her ex lover likes me (although I am married and he is OLD)...

    Sometimes I think those close to us don't know how to act. It's hard and can truly cause depression. They tell you about it before surgery, but you don't believe it. Be strong and love yourself. If someone doesn't support you then they don't love you enough.

    I also want to lose a little more. Goals are great, but sometimes we put too much hope in them. You look amazing. Focus on being healthy and staying active.

    Much love and positive vibes your way.
  8. SpringRose's Avatar
    OH. I forgot to add. I have been suffering from depression for the first time. If you like to read, here is a book/series that has helped lift my spirits a little: A Season of Angels (Angels Everywhere #1) by Debbie Macomber . Definitely not my usual book of choice, but it was amazing and uplifting.