Welcome guest, you have 1 message! Register

View RSS Feed

Aydensmomma

Warning: Rant alert

Rate this Entry
Good morning!! I hope that everyone is doing great. If your having a bad day, a nauseous day, a hungry day, a stall day....remember this....soon you will have a day where your up and getting dressed in some size you never thought you fit into. Your going to go out and get bunches of complements. Enjoy them!! I am so proud of everyone on here, all working to get what they want. You all should be proud of yourselves too!!
It's been a little bit since I've posted an update. I am in my 11th month post op. I can't believe new years will mark a year. So many changes, good and bad. I try to focus on the good. This is my weight tracker for the past few months

8/8 145.8
8/13 145.6
8/30 142
9/21 137
10/12 137
11/15 131

I was super happy at 145. That was where I wanted to be. 110lbs down, fitting into my old size 7's.

Today I weighed in at 131lbs. 6 pounds down in a month. I don't exercise, I don't watch what I eat, I don't do anything that I'm "supposed" to do except drink as much water as I can (still only hitting 50oz) and try to get protein in.
I've reached a point where I am saying to myself "I'll just do what I used to, I was always gaining then....or at least not loosing" it's sad because I am going backwards here. I want to gain. Once I get back up I want to maintain. I take in over 1400 cal. a day, I try to eat as much as I can, while trying to drink all the water and waiting the 30min in between.
On Friday I was home, not going anywhere so I had on a pair of pants that were size 6 and too big. My step daughter said "you look so tiny....like when an anorexic wears clothes that are too big"
So I kinda let that slide because I know the clothes were too big. I can't afford to buy more clothes. (I've done the thrift shops and goodwills....sometimes i find something, most times i dont) we're just not in a good spot financially where we can spend extra, especially not with Christmas coming. My job is volunteer, which works for my kids schedule. My husband was hurt and out of work for a while. Anyways, I have a pair of jeggins that are a small and a tight fit. So I wore that yesterday with a white shirt and a vest. I thought I looked good. I even took a picture of myself, which I made my profile/avatar. I felt pretty good, which was nice because I've been struggling with feeling too thin (life's a bitch, huh?)
So I was doing the dishes and my stepdaughter says to me " please don't take offense, I'm sorry, you are so tiny, you look so anorexic "
There was that F*N word again. It took me EVERYTHING I had not to turn around and say
"How dare you, I was 255lbs with my health going down, my self esteem gone, no energy.....and here I am, not 1 year later healthy and happy and energetic.....maybe I am a little too thin but as you well know I am trying to eat as much as I can whenever I can. So don't call me anorexic, because I'm not....I'm actually right in the middle of the BMI range for my height"
Instead I just said nothing. She then asked how much do I weigh, I told her 135....she was all like "what? That's it? Oh my gosh!"
WHAT THE F*** her two aunts are my size and thats ok. No one calls them anorexic. I reminded her that this was what I weighed before children. (I lied a little, I was 145 then)
I know she is having issues with self esteem right now. She is not fat. She Is not overweight. She is short. She has meat on her bones. She's had the bad skin that most 16yr Olds get. She was telling me how flat my stomach was compared to hers. My stomach isn't flat, it's the clothes holding it in; -)
So needless to say it really bothered me, and still does. She like wouldn't let it go. I'm not the type of person to keep my mouth closed.....but it seems like any of my husbands side really gets my blood boiling and one of these days I'm gonna snap.
Ok. Rant over. I needed to get that out, I feel like I can't say anything about it to my family cuz they might agree with her. The thing is.....if I was always tall and skinny, you wouldn't think twice. But because your used to seeing me obese now you see I'm not big, I'm small...it's not normal.
Someone else told me I need to stop loosing and wow I have really small bones. Again, that wasn't a compliment.

I don't regret my sleeve at all. I love it. I just am struggling with the loosing too much/trying to gain and maintain. It will pass. It will be good. I know it will. I'm just waiting.

Submit "Warning: Rant alert" to Digg Submit "Warning: Rant alert" to del.icio.us Submit "Warning: Rant alert" to StumbleUpon Submit "Warning: Rant alert" to Google

Tags: zoey101 Add / Edit Tags
Categories
Uncategorized

Comments

  1. LizzySand's Avatar
    First, way to go keeping your cool. Remember, you are the adult and she is the child. It is important for you to set the calm, level headed example. Blowing up and saying everything bubbling up inside of you would do no good, and would probably hurt her make her resent you.

    It sounds like she is feeling pretty insecure and taking it out on you. Think back to the mean kids in high school. They have to be mean and point a finger at someone else b/c in some weird way it makes them feel better about themselves an/or takes attention away from them.

    If you want to address the issue, I'd find something to do together and bring it up. A face to face chat can be hard when you're a teen. But a side by side chat when your doing something is somehow easier. Maybe be like, it is so pretty out, want to go walking? Or decorate for the holidays, or bake. Then say ya know, you made a comment the other day that kinda hurt my feelings. it has been nagging at me, and i think I want to tell you how I feel. then explain how frustrated you are with losing too much weight, and how the anorexia comments feel harsh and hurtful. You are trying hard to be healthy and really need your family's support.

    maybe that will help!
  2. sulanden's Avatar
    Hi there. It's so hard to help a young lady transition into being a confident woman....be patient with her and yourself! This is part of the paying it forward part of our sleeve journey!....sometimes we bring young people along for the ride!

    As you are getting ready for your one year review with your surgeon is my guess. So after they review your numbers and your blood work ups, how about asking straight out: "What's next in this phase ....after healing, training, and weight loss? Will I, should I, can I do to add a bit of weight moving forward?" If the answer is helpful it might give you more knowledge to share with your family and friends who might wonder about "what's up with this skinny new you?" Besides, healthy and content! Best to you ...by the way, you look from the outside in....ask yourself How am I?
  3. Aydensmomma's Avatar
    Thanks you guys, it's sooo hard sometimes to not blow up on the kids.....but as long as I can rant and complain later I'm usually good.
    If she makes any more comments we will definitely do the side by side chat....your right Lizzysand....it is easier not being face to face. I remember that when I was a kid. She is struggling with her self esteem and I always make sure to drop comments like, your hair looks pretty or I love those pants etc...I have a feeling too that her mother might have said things about my loss that put these words into her head. Anyway, I feel a lot better now that I've just ranted...so thanks to everyone for reading.

    Sulanden- my one year will be beginning of January, I might make an apt with my nutritionist at the same time (she's in the surgeons office) and see if she has any ideas. I feel like it's so backwards....going to my weight loss surgeon and asking him how to gain ;-)
    At times I look at myself and I think I look pretty good. Other times the comments haunt me and I hate how I look. At least my BMI for my height is "normal"
  4. Aydensmomma's Avatar
    PS......just because I don't do anything I'm supposed to do doesn't mean anyone should try throwing away the rules and doing this. I am doing this because I want to gain. If you want to loose, do what your surgeon tells you, they know best. If your stalling...switch up your routine.
  5. Dizzygrl's Avatar
    Don't take offense. My 16 hear old daughter is hard up to pay me any kind of compliment. I told her when she's at school I am going to pick from her closet what I would like to wear - since we are both mediums now. That got her good. ����
  6. Ann2's Avatar
    My comments are not about you and your daughter, but your weight. You have said for some time you don't like weighing so little. Yet you're still losing weight.

    So here's the real deal: If you really want to gain weight, you have to eat more than 1400 calories/day. Maybe someone else could eat 1400 calories and have their weight stabilize. But obviously, your metabolism is different from that.

    So is mine. I'm eating 1700 calories and still losing weight (about a pound a month). Have got to step it up to closer to 2000 calories.

    The way to eat more healthy calories is with nuts, whole milk, starchy veggies like sweet and white potatoes (they're not evil -- just higher calorie, which is what you say you want/need), healthy oils (olive, coconut and others), full-fat cheeses, whole grains (brown rice, quinoa, high fiber breads and crackers), and even some occasional treats -- dark chocolate, anyone?

    What's stopping you from eating more than 1400 calories? Are you afraid you won't be able to stop gaining / eating more? What are your specific concerns / fears / hesitations?

    I'm going to say something else: Lying to your loved ones about how much you weigh is a sign of something. And it's not good. Please google anorexia. Not saying you are anorexic, but your reaction to the word suggests it would be worthwhile for you to find out what that's all about.

    Very, very best to you and to all of us. We've all been through so much change to get to whatever "this point" is. And I suspect there's more change in our futures.
  7. jdavidson's Avatar
    Step daughter, there ya go. I have a 16 year old step daughter at home. She will go out of her way to make everyone else around her miserable all the time. It actually seems like more work for her sometimes but she continues to do it and has for years. You just worry about you and try to let what she says go in one ear and out the other. I know its pretty tough though.
  8. pauldarosaranch's Avatar
    You look anerexic to her for 2 reasons. #1 she has only known and remember you as a heavy woman and she is not used to sing you this way. #2 insecurity on her own weight/size. She is 16 and can't fathom that you do have a small/flat stomach. She will get used to it. Not as fast as someone gets used to an extreme change in hairstyle, but it will probably take her a few years.

    Be strong! You look good!
  9. Aydensmomma's Avatar
    Ann2....I did lie about my weight, my weight from years ago. I told her I was the same weight I was before children. I told her I was 135lbs. I am 135, or rather that was my most recent weight, I used to be 140/145. I don't lie about what I weigh now, funny.....I never told anyone what I weighed when I was heavy....now that I'm not everyone knows I was 255 and now 135. That being said, I have done lots of research on anorexia/boliemic ( that was a few years ago when I thought a friends daughter was having some trouble) I also see a shrink and tell them my life story ;-) month by month. She thinks I'm good. I take in 1400cal....that's an estimate off the top of my head. I am gonna redownload my tracker on my phone and track. I don't have an appetite....but I eat breakfast, snack, lunch, 2 snacks, dinner, snack. I feel like I'm eating a lot, it's work to eat. I have my routine set and that might also be my problem. No appetite = eating the same thing all the time because I know I'll eat it, it's easy. Scrambled eggs, waffles, Lunch meat. Cheese sticks. yogurt. Popcorn. Ice pops. Chicken, tuna, occasional ice cream (not much) I'll eat cheese cake and candy. The only thing stopping me from eating more is I'm full. I eat more I drink less. I drink less I eat more. I start when I wake up, I stop when I go to bed.
    I'm not afraid of gaining. I actually want to gain and I am pretty confident that I can maintain when I get up about 10lbs.

    So that being said.......well, I don't know. I will start tracking. Right now.
  10. Ann2's Avatar
    Aydensmomma ... ((((hugs))))
  11. xena7158's Avatar
    About 10 years ago now, I had lost about 95 pounds over the course of a year. I remember being so irritated with comments like that from my co-workers ... they have always been "skinny minis", as I call them, and it's all fine and normal for them. But the moment I was entering that arena of 'normal' - I wasn't even at my goal weight when it started! - suddenly, 'you're losing too much weight', 'you should stop dieting now', everyone is super concerned that I wasn't the 'fat girl' they could look good next to. At least, that's what it felt like :/ I read somewhere since then that it's sort of a jealous reaction - increase in 'competition'. What's funny is, I left that job - started at a new place, and I was just 'normal' - no one thought I was "too skinny".
    I realize this is somewhat different than your situation with your kid, but at the base of it, I totally understand that people are used to seeing you one way, and it takes a while for them to adjust to your new 'normal'