Anxiety
by
, 06-17-2015 at 12:05 PM (2840 Views)
My pre-op diet starts on Friday. I am full of nerves, and excitement.
I know that the sleeve isn't going to "fix" the problem. My hope is that it propels me in the right direction and gives me the tool that I have always been lacking so I can make positive change. I am very aware that I will have to work hard, change habits, and conquer demons that have haunted me for years. That is where the fear sets in. I have been overweight my entire life. Nothing has worked for me before. Why is this time going to be different? Am I going through something drastic just to fail? I AM SO AFRAID I AM GOING TO FAIL.
I have dreams about it all the time. My stomach turns when I think about it. I have read too many posts about people who lost weight, gained it back...or never reached their goal.
I go to counseling every other week, so I have that working for me. I have a place to work out the emotional side of this disorder, but I am still so afraid. My self esteem is so low, and my ability to follow through with healthy choices is in the crapper. I am hoping that the initial weight loss will give me the strength and courage to keep going. I have had low level anxiety for the past two weeks because I am so nervous. I am not afraid to go to Mexico for the procedure. I am afraid that I won't be able to hold up my end of the deal. I guess at this very moment, I just don't trust myself to do what is best for myself.