Still a work in progress
by
, 01-28-2012 at 02:25 PM (1481 Views)
Update: I feel surprised by the fact that i still have good days and bad days. Most of the time i feel FABULOUS i love my new body and confidence, energy, I Love when i am in public it is common for a complete stranger to tell me they think i am beautiful! It has been over 2 years since my surgery and a year that i have been getting used to the new thin me. After 20 years of trying so hard to get here, only to hit a wall every time, Sometimes i have to pinch myself to wake up from this dream come true! The truth is the 20 years of struggling with my weight and the painful prejudice i suffered at the hands of strangers and loved ones alike has still taken a toll. The voices of self destruction and doubt are still in my head. I miss food binging as a coping mechanism and i hate myself for this weakness. And the self-destruction recycles! I did not expect the rewards and compliments to have such a double edge sword effect. Emphasizing how much pain and judgements i suffered for so many years. I want to go up to anybody who hurt my feelings when i was fat and yell at them "Look at me now THIS is who you were looking down your nose at!" Then i realize that I am the very 1st person on my list and the worst offender of all. It probably all comes down to forgiveness, i am still a work in progress.