Hope and Fear
by
, 10-07-2014 at 09:40 AM (1097 Views)
So I will start with my story...it is not very interesting and I hesitate to begin because I have not even been approved (the fear part is I won't be)
I was skinny, not thin but skinny. I looked kinda like a boy with small boobs, but they were perky. I had NO ass, skinny thighs and cheek bones. Fast forward 20 years and all those things I didn't have, have joined this body with zest!! Then 5'9 and 128. NOW..oh dear God, here it comes 5'8 ( I fully believe the weight I put on has made me shrink) and a whopping 265#.
I have never been a good eater. If it is green, I will run screaming obscenities, as far away as I can. I grew up by the sea yet HATE seafood. So I like meat and potato's and bread and butter. I don't eat a lot, but what I do is crap. Oh and CHEESE, love Cheese.
As I saw the weight coming on and decided to make a change. I made myself eat salad, mind you it had cheese, bacon, and blue cheese dressing but hell, there was green in there and I began to like it. I went to weight watches before my wedding and it worked to drop 50#. I was at 170# and had been working with a Personal Trainer and was pretty fit. I looked better but the thighs were still the best of buddies and refused to separate.
A few years went by and I got pregnant with my son and promptly gained 80 lbs. When he was 6 weeks old I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. The saying "you can't get pregnant while breast feeding" is a total lie. I did not gain any weight with her. Thank GOD!
I had my children @ 39 and 40. I was a active, fun Mom but I could not lose the weight I had gained and tried a lot of different diets with no lasting results. I found I was getting SO tired and had to nap everyday for at least 2hr to function, and I was gaining. I was no longer the fun active Mom. I would have been happy locking myself in the bathroom with a bottle of wine and a hot bath. Don't get me wrong, my children are my life but I was SO tired. I knew this was not normal so I went to see my PCP. He said, basically, "Welcome to being a older Mom".
I knew his wealth of information was not the reason and after all my blood test came normal, I took them to a Endocrinologist. Long story short, and a crap load of test and a MRI, I was found to have a Pituitary Tumor. It was the reason for my weight gain and exhaustion. I started on growth hormone shots and after a few months I did start to feel more alive. The weight however has not gotten better but worse. I did the HGC, diet and lost weight but I was only eating 500 cals a day. As soon as I stopped I gained it all back and then some. I felt defeated and fat. My thighs were now closer then ever and must have sent a message to my upper arms and my bra line on the benefits of being close friends. Now those two are buds. I chafe at the drop of a time resulting in me walking like a bowlegged cowgirl. NOT PRETTY! I have spent a ton on Monkey Butt powder and Chaffing Gel. I AM DONE.
I have now decided that WLS is my only hope (that is the Hope part). I am tired of being tired and fat. I am TIRED of sleeping with a CPAP. I would like to look in a mirror and I want to play with my kids!! So here I am. I have done everything and am now just waiting on the PSY. report so I can submit to the Insurance. My time line is tight. I have to have the surgery before Jan 1st or I will have to self pay and that is NOT a option.
So there it is....I am so afraid I won't be approved or the insurance will stall until after Jan 1. I know this is right for me, even with the fears I have about surgery. I will take any advice or prayers you can shoot my way.