Wow, that's a story and you sound like a very strong person. Congratulations for being so intune with yourself, your needs, your struggles and your successes. You are on the path to happiness and that's what life is all about. Keep being strong and best of luck to you.

I really commend you for your honesty! This is definitely not an easy process. ....The surgery was on the stomach. Not the mind. Not the emotions. Those we still have to battle. Best wishes as you go forward!

Congratulations on your fantastic weight loss, and thank you for sharing your food struggles. I'm sure they are universal, myself included, but you put it into honest words. Here's hoping you much future happiness!

Congrats on your weight loss and the lessons learned so far. Because you have put your whole story out there and asked for advice on marriage, I will say my opinion- whether it was what you want to hear or not.

Losing weight gives us a lot of confidence.

Losing weight makes us feel beautiful.

Losing weight can help us reevaluate our needs and learn to not settle.

That being said.. I would never advocate "cheating" on a spouse with a new person. Why? Because if this new man loved, appreciated and respected you, and was respectable, he would want you to end your marriage and be in a good spot mentally, before asking you to commit to a relationship with him. I have BTDT (been there done that), and felt that the man I was with was my sun, moon and stars. It turns out, the feelings I had towards him were not real; it was the idea of him that I was in love with, but my unhappiness with my marriage was what clouded my judgment. When you are in an unhappy relationship, you need to deal with those feelings, those issues and that marriage before starting a new relationship. Based on your listed addictions, I would caution you that you may want to take a step back from both men, reevaluate the situation and THEN and only then make your next move.

It took months of counseling for me to see this myself. My husband and I were through, so I thought. He was a B*tard who did not understand me. He was this, he was that, him.. him.. him. After counseling, I learned to take accountability for my own actions. I learned to not see what I want to see, but look at what is really there.

It may be your husband is all of those things. It may also be that this new man is an angel from above. But it may be, you are not seeing the whole picture. Without a different perspective (stepping back) you won't know this.

I have been in this situation so know I didn't want to hear this at all when I was in the midst of it, and became angry with anyone who tried to tell me this. But unless you go through it, you really haven't learned that lesson yet. To put it simply, the grass is not always greener.

I wish you the best of luck in your journey, weight loss wise, addiction wise, and in your love life. Mistakes or best choices ever, you will learn from it.. good or bad.

My husband and I reconciled and have been together another three years. We have done bad to each other, but every day are working harder in changing our ways to better meet the needs of each other. That doesn't always happen, but imo, he deserved that chance. Maybe this new person in your life deserves a chance too, but to me, if I ever feel that way again in my relationship, I will separate/divorce my husband before I ever move on to a new relationship. It is way too confusing and stressful to try to do both at the same time, and any man who wants me that bad, will wait for me to accomplish that first, because he will agree with me that I should be done with one relationship before starting another. Any man who doesn't agree with that is not the type of man I want to be with. But again, I had to learn that the hard way. PS.. the "other man" ended up cheating on me, while cheating WITH me. Imagine that... lol

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. It takes a very strong person to truly know themselves and admit their faults and failures as easily as they advertise their successes. Thank you also you for touching on what must be a very sensitive subject for you, your marriage. As I have been researching and preparing for my own surgery I have wondered more than a few times how my relationship will fare after my surgery. My fiance is very insecure and I believe that me losing weight will only add fuel to that fire. But I have decided that I will lose weight, feel better about myself, and let the chips fall where they may.

Wonderful story, I'm finding similar things going on. I travel and only see my spouse every 6 weeks or so, I have lost 73 pounds in less than 5 months, when im around I'm getting told " are you suppose to have that, don't eat that" you know what that is a real turn off and makes me feel like this is not going to work. I understand the changes you are going thru, only do what makes you happy. I got a tattoo 2 days ago.... "One life, one chance" and this is my chance to do it right, whatever it takes and whomever with. Good luck and keep moving forward, your husband isn't changing you are and what you want out of life is becoming much clearer at this point during this journey!

AHLButterbly,

Brave post! And 100 pounds is a lot of weight to lose in 6.5 months. Congratulations on achieving your weight goal (it looks like ??? you may be 1 pound under your weight loss goal).

And like many of us with long-time weight issues, your WLS journey has dredged up some Big Issues. I hope you continue to confront them head-on. And if you aren't working with a counselor right now, it's possible (?) a good one might help you navigate your current Big Issues as successfully as possible.

Life never seems to stop handing us Big Issues. Since your photograph suggests you're on the younger side of life, it would be good to gain some skills you can rely on for a looong time to tackle these and other issues.

Based on your post above, I have confidence in you. Build the life you want. My only advice is try to find a good balance between the short-term rewards and your long-term goals. Each of us on this forum was born so much luckier than most people in the world. We have to give this our very best shot!

Ann

Hey Melissa! Sorry to hear about your marriage, but you only have one life and you deserve to be happy. Congrats on that 100 lbs! What a wonderful achievement. Hang in there!

I'd just like to add that I did not cheat on my husband. We are separated and I've still yet to have.. Relations of that sort with the person I have met. That is all!

Thanks for the support <3