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dynomite

Old habits die hard

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yesterday was a bad day food wise. I had one too many eggs (in my mind). ate a blueberry muffin; slice of cake; fried chicken thigh; broccoli- all this thru out the day- definitely not at one sitting. Cake and cookie first time eating "bread type" food for me (in my mind it's bread type-so whatever to you). Everything i ate was bad. and i must say my mid section feels full- like nope you not eating much today. i'm upset with myself because i'm coming off a 3 week stall and finally started back losing on last Thursday- lost 2 lbs...but shoot probably picked up a pound from yesterday- who knows- i didn't weigh myself this morning-didn't want to see the increase.

old habits die hard....the sweet cravings definitely shows up...i typically will eat SF jello pudding or popsicles...but the cake and blueberry muffin "some how" came into play. I think because my tummy doesn't get to upset w/these foods its like okay to eat (in my mind). the fried chicken didn't even upset my tummy-figured the grease would but it didn't. trust me i was not able to eat a whole piece of chicken either. Now was i suffering from eating these foods- was i gagging, about to upchuck from overeating....nope sure wasn't because i pay attention to my tummy is full signs (experienced mindless eating early-that one bad episode did it for me)! but does that make it right to eat bad foods just because you're eating the correct portion amount? Majority of the time I am eating healthy. but sometimes you get tired...well i get tired of the eating extremely healthy and want something out of the way. Now i will not eat bread, rice or pasta just because in my mind i think it will slow down my progress- and i really don't miss that right now (no cravings).

Even with a smaller stomach, i still have food binge urges. I have found my self grazing thru out the day-which is not good. Cutting back on doing that...actually getting back on my routine. I thought i was okay and figured no need to keep up w/times of eating-but i see that this will be a permanent thing for me.

today i feel fat! yep that's what i said...i feel fat. i don't like to feel like that because feeling fat for me is low self esteem, a failure, and all the other emotional baggage associated with it. i have come to far even though it's almost 3 months to lose what i have gain mentally. I know this is a journey and not a 100 yard dash. so it will take time to cultivate the skinny me even at this reducing size.

this mental weight loss is hard i tell yah (well for me at least). It has it's ups and downs. i have to recognize my triggers-some sneak up on you before you know it. i take this one day at a time. it's not something that consumes my mind but when crap happens like this it gets my attention and i have to navigate back on track.

just wanted to share.

on the upside- NSVs: I can wrap my bath towel completely around me (actually fold and tuck at the top and i could show a lil leg too (sexy)-i had a big ol' grin on my face when i realized it. I wore a black dress that has a belt- i was able to fasten at the last hole instead of the first one!! I went down a inch in bra band!- unfortunately the cup size went up- go figure! BIG Cheese GRIN when I think on my NSVs...it's what keeps me going and makes me want to stay on track...oh and i have started a walk/run program. So a runner is about to be born! oh i get my exercise on...so this "1lb" will be gone by the end of the week.

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Comments

  1. Lee6Lee's Avatar
    When it's not time to eat, and you want to, take a peppermint Tums instead. Another poster suggested the Tums and it was a good idea for me.
  2. kenson's Avatar
    You said it right, this is a learning curve--we are still learning how to treat our sleeve. We will not be 100% at all times, but if we are 90% of the time, its all good. Congrats on all the NSV's and more that are to come!
  3. bmiller140's Avatar
    Congrats for realizing that you made a mistake. Forgive yourself and try not to do it again. Keeping a food log is the hardest thing but very important. Planning ahead will also help when the triggers arrive. You can do it - just put your mind to it and succeed. More NSVs waiting right around the corner.
  4. Emilia's Avatar
    Don't be upset, I am sure most of us were in your shoes at some point, we all learn and move on.