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Graciegurl

I dont understand why people hide the fact that they have had wls

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I have read a lot of posts from people who do not share with friends, family, co-workers or even their primary health provider the fact that they have had some type of wls. I just don't get it! People see that you have lost weight and are eating differently so why not share the reason?

I know this is a personal adventure. I know that many people feelif others knew that they had wls they copped out or weren't strong enough to *diet* or took the *easy* way out.. blah blah blah.......

You know what? I did this for me! I choose to travel this path for the longevity of my life and I walk in my shoes on this journey!

I am proud of myself for by decision to get sleeved and I have nothing to hide.

So you had wls...... big deal... So you eat differently now and others want to know why so why not share what you have done? Didn't you do it as a gift for creating your best life and create a life worth living?

I don't understand the need for people to keep their wls a deep dark secret....

Such a wonderful gift to ourselves!

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Comments

  1. bigggietosmaller's Avatar
    I understand your point. I choose to not tell everyone because I can do without the judgment and or questions. I really don't want or need the opinions of others. It makes me think of the reasons why I choose not to display a rainbow flag for the world to see. Why is it anyone else's business?
  2. Gammy10's Avatar
    I have chosen to share with only a few select people because quite frankly, I don't feel it is anyone's business. I didn't make an announcement to the world when I had a hysterectomy or my gallbladder taken out, so I don't see a need to tell everyone about this. It just feels like a private thing to me. Also, I work with a lot of women (many of them are busy bodies), and they only ask questions when they want to make sure they have their story straight for their lunch gossip session.

    The people who truly care about me and who I feel will be a support through this journey know. They know the good, bad, and the ugly, and they love me whole heartedly. This is something that is near to my heart and a precious decision. I just don't feel others are entitled to know EVERYTHING about me. That is a privilege reserved for those who have shown they love me unconditionally.
  3. slags68's Avatar
    I told my immediate family and my co-workers. I didn't want my extended family knowing until after I was healed and mended. My extended family tends to ask too many questions and I didn't feel I wanted to be fielding calls/questions while I was recovering. (Plus one of my aunts and my uncle wanted me to promise I would never have weight loss surgery) Other than that, now that I am healed I don't have a problem sharing with people what procedure I have had and how it's going.

    I guess to me everyone has to deal with it in their own way based on their situation.
  4. Graciegurl's Avatar
    People will judge no matter what and aren't questions an opportunity to share something wonderful? You never know who may hear your story and be able to share with someone they know who have the struggles of years and years of being overweight etc....

    I mean, I too understand that for many people this is a very personal journey and their can be lots of different reasons why people don't want to share.

    I guess I feel that since no matter what there are always people who will judge so I will share my story if people who know me ask! A simply answer is all that is needed.. I guess since I have been a nurse for 36 yrs now I tend to come from this in more of a medical mind-set.

    As far as flying the *family flag* that I totally understand!
  5. Just2BHealthy's Avatar
    Everyone has their own reasons for the decision they made regarding who knows and who doesn't that is a choice each person will make for themselves. As for me I have told everyone and to be perfectly honest I don't can what they think. I did this for me to be here to watch my grand baby grow up and see my two sons marry. It's my own personal journey. Besides who are we to judge others unless we ourselves be judged.

    I look at people sharing their stories on YouTube and they have inspired me so much to strive for the life I want and with the help of God I too shall be successful. So, if anyone wants to know how am I losing weight it will be no secret because I will share my story. Unlike others I did research for a long period of time. My PCP suggested I look into it so December I went to the seminar and in January I had my consultation and February I was approved and April I was Sleeved and the story continues. But again it is a personal journey that allows you to decide who YOU want to share it with
  6. Little Verbena's Avatar
    It comes down to what kind of people we are. You are probably an outgoing, open individual who doesn't care what others think of her. If that works for you, great. Keep it up. While I am friendly, outgoing and love to meet new people, I am a very private person. I don't share all sorts of things to begin with. I have many acquaintances but I only have a couple of very close friends. It is not so much that I care what others think, it is that in this age of non-stop sharing, I prefer to keep some thing private.
  7. idigfrstbase's Avatar
    I think it should be case by case. I mean I did not tell everyone when I gained 10 lbs or couldn't fit into my pants!! I told my friends at exercise class right before the surgery and I am happy to talk about the surgery or how I am doing, eating, feeling but I don't like to be the object of every ones interest in my body. At least I didn't when I was 300lbs. I also look at the other overweight folks in the class and don't want to make them feel bad or uncomfortable. I talk about it in smaller groups quietly. I did say to one of my friends once whenever i lost weight people would say how good i looked and i always thought "jeez i must have looked like shit before"! So anyway, i wont put it on face book or anything but my family knows. When i went to a luncheon for my boss who is leaving everyone there watched me and what i put on my plate, when i was done they looked at my plate and not one person said anything to me. I know they know about the surgery, but it was a bit uncomfortable to me. If anyone asks me how i did it, i will tell them. I thought, maybe i will say "well, i had the majority of my stomach cut out, that's all". Is that bad?
  8. Kindle's Avatar
    I'm one who hasn't hidden my surgery. At first it wasn't by choice, I only told 4 people. But those 4 told dozens more. I was upset at first, but then found it was a lot easier talking about my weight loss by just telling the truth. I can't hide losing 70 pounds, so I get a lot of comments and questions. It's a whole lot easier to just say I had surgery than it is to come up with lie after lie as they continue to ask about what diet and exercise program I'm on. I end up answering questions about the surgery, but that's easy because I'm not ashamed of my decision. And honestly, I've only had one negative comment from one person. She was immediately "put in her place" by other friends that were present and thought her response was ignorant and out of line. Everyone else has come back with "good for you", "congratulation" "you look great", and "I wish I was brave enough to do something like that". Guess I just live in a more open-minded, accepting community than some other people. I'm very grateful for that and I truly feel bad for everyone that thinks they need to hide their WLS like a dirty secret. And honestly, it probably does come back somewhat to my personality that I don't really care what others think about me.
  9. Graciegurl's Avatar
    Love all the wonderful replies! Thanks everyone!!!!!
  10. Skittles's Avatar
    I'm an open book about it to those who are curious and feel liberated sharing my choice. I get judged sometimes, but the vast majority of people are inquisitive, supportive and impressed with the results. You have to do what you're comfortable with, but I've been pleasantly surprised with the enthusiasm I encounter about the procedure. When you're happy and confident with your choices it's contagious and most others follow suit. Who knows, maybe I can inspire somebody else to look into their options for better health? I appreciate this supportive forum and enjoyed reading all the responses. Nice post, Graciegirl!
  11. Pat56's Avatar
    I tell everyone, especially other people who are overweight in case they are interested in the surgery. I understand people not telling, but I do not agree with people who lie by saying they lost weight with diet and exercise. There is nothing easy about surgery.
  12. caussia's Avatar
    this is a great subject to post, and one near and dear to my heart. i am close mouthed.i am private to the point of being stand offish in a crowd. i have told no one. its none of their business. it never will be. i have my reasons and i let my choices stand. if someone asked me, or if someone expressed concern at the weight i am loosing, then i might tell them. this is a wonderful and important decision that i did not need input on, and i have had wonderful results and i have no complaints about what i have done, and how i did it.
  13. sociologist's Avatar
    I told everyone but thats the type of person I am:-)
  14. MBL's Avatar
    I did not tell everyone, only a choice few. I don't think of it as a dirty little secret, what I think is that it is MY business and I chose whether to share or not. There are many, many details of my life I don't generally announce.
  15. MBL's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Pat56
    I tell everyone, especially other people who are overweight in case they are interested in the surgery. I understand people not telling, but I do not agree with people who lie by saying they lost weight with diet and exercise. There is nothing easy about surgery.
    I have not been confronted with this yet, but how is this a lie? Anyone who has VSG must change their diet, drastically. Most increase their exercise too.
  16. marrock's Avatar
    I haven't told all of my family or co workers. I was hoping to have a larger weight loss where it is noticeable that it is working. I have lost 38 lbs which included pre op, my surgery was 3/6/14
    and I am not able to exercise yet, hard to find the right foods to eat
    If I failure I don't want to hear from others how I had surgery and still couldn't do it
  17. idigfrstbase's Avatar
    I guess if we think of it like this it makes sense. I did not tell everyone when I did weight watchers, unless they asked. I did not tell them about deal a meal, body for life, atkins, slimfast, dexatrim, blah blah blah, unless they asked. So why should this be any different? I mean there is no shame to having the surgery. There is no guilt. We did it for our life and those we love, just like the other things we tried. This one just happens to be the one that gives us the best chance!
  18. fri38cy's Avatar
    I have been lucky in the people that I have chosen to tell have all been very supportive. Most of them I have know for years. So they saw all the attempts at weight watchers, jenny craig, Metabolic Research, Richard Simmons Deal and meal and food mover programs and biggest loser on line they have seen me on program or another trying to do it on my own. Working out for 90minutes everyday. The friends that I have told have been very supportive. My mom is not quiet on board. But shes my mom and she worries that something will happen. I am doing this for me and for me only. I have spent 23 years fighting this battle and I don't want to spend the next 20 fighting it.
  19. CookieHead's Avatar
    I didn't announce to people when I was getting breast augmentation.
    I don't see why I should.

    Also in the past when I've lost weight I didn't feel the need to explain what program I was on, what kind of exercise I did, etc.
  20. speedracer's Avatar
    You said it yourself, its a personal adventure. And I am a private person. And I couldn't lose the weight on my own, and being fat for years was rough on me, my family and my spouse. So telling people about private medical information, just isn't my style. (Not to mention, some ladies at work had WLS, told everyone, and let me tell you the b/s drama that started with co workers, VP's, clients etc). I would say choice has 99% to do with reaction.
  21. jillyjake's Avatar
    Hey Graciegirl - I agree 100%. I have not made my surgery a secret and have been lucky enough to not have had any negative comments. But yes a lot of people are not comfortable with others knowing and that is their personal choice.

    it is a wonderful gift and I hope that by not making it a secret it may inspire others to look into the surgery at the very least. It is not for everyone but for anyone with a weight problem it is worth investigating.

    I am honest when asked and stress that it is not a miracle cure but merely a tool that if used correctly can change your life. It is not an easier choice to make and it does take hard work and dedication (probably more so that any "diet").
  22. kacie77's Avatar
    So posting it in the Global Company Newsletter might be too much?!? hahahahahaha
    I crack myself up!
    I am an open book so I shout that sheeet from the rooftops...I am proud of myself and I want everyone to know it
  23. Metread's Avatar
    I chose not to tell everyone because I didnt want any unsolicited advice. I told some of my family, close friends and coworkers that had to know. its no ones business, IMO.
  24. MBL's Avatar
    I have been thinking on this thread some more.... I relate this whole thing to the following... When I was pregnant, people (the same ones always) asked me the same questions EVERY DAY for nine months. That they knew something so personal seemed to give them freedom to ask me things all the time. It bugged me to no end.... especially when I went overdue and everyone asked me every single day why I had not had the baby yet, or similar stupid comments. Fortunately, I gave birth and we were on to different questions But with the sleeve, I see the same questions being asked all the time FOREVER. I like my job, I don't want to get fired for wigging out. HAHAHA. Much too personal for me to share with just anyone.
  25. Graciegurl's Avatar
    I loved reading all the replies! Bottom line is that we all do what we do to the extent of our comfort levels!

    Individuality is an awesome thing!
  26. Celestial03's Avatar
    I tell anyone and everyone! lol. I love when someone new comments on my weight loss and asks what I've been doing.. I tell them I had my stomach cut out and the reactions are priceless! And most people don't believe me until I go into detail about it haha. But I'm also a very outgoing, talkative person who doesn't care what people think for the most part so it's no big deal to me! And in doing so, several people I know are now looking into the sleeve for themselves.
  27. fri38cy's Avatar
    Since I work for one of the biggest school districts and our insurance doesn't cover it if I can help push our school board to cover it. I am all for that. It will suck because I had to self pay but unfortunately there are a lot of obese teachers out there who eat to deal with the stress of the job. I used to be the go to person for chocolate. If asked I will tell if it will help someone else make a choice to improve their life. I am looking forward to going back school after my surgery june 9th. Hopefully it will be with a good loss.
  28. sexy2cute's Avatar
    I am a no nonsense kind of person so when i started getting sick as a nurse my co-worker were the ones that were beside me and when i made up my mind to do surgery they were the one asking me all the steps and calling me to see the results, but my friend are different they are caribbean and weight means nothing to them as long as you look great in your clothes and the belly does not hang over the jeans, so i choose not to tell them, yesterday infact i went over to a friend house and she asked me where did the butt go .. kesha u cannot loose another pound she said, now this is someone who can barely make it up a flight of stairs, so it all depends on who you have around you, some people just do not believe in doing anything to your body unless you are attached to a piece of luggage and breathing through tubes, and on the other hand if i bring food to the job my co-workers are the one that look on and say are you suppose to be eating that, so you cannot win, less is best, let people talk do not give them the extra, this surgery is hard as it is and you worried all the time, folk only complicate the issue.
  29. wpage's Avatar
    I always tell all of my doctors about it in the interest of full disclosure, and I told pretty much everyone who is in my daily life, co-workers, family, etc. I have to admit though, that I wish now I had been a little less free with the info, because now all I get is unsolicited, unwanted advice (interestingly, mostly from those who HAVEN'T had WLS) about what I need to do, what I need to eat, etc. I am also sick of "the LOOK", you know, the one that you get when you tell someone you had WLS surgery that says "Oh, now I see how you lost all that weight, you took the easy, lazy way." We all know that this way wasn't easy and if your lazy, guess what, you won't lose too much weight, but people are very judgy and I feel like now they are all watching, waiting for me to gain all 90 lbs back because I took "the easy way".
  30. Barbp's Avatar
    I didn't hide the fact I was having the surgery. All my coworkers know and a lot of my family and friends know. The only one giving me grief about it is my youngest daughter who is a health nut. She says I took the easy way out. What does she know? She is 21 and built like a goddess. She works out and eats healthy and has never been overweight a day in her life. She tells me to eat healthy and exercise and I will lose the weight. Well guess what? I ate healthy and exercised myself up to 320 pounds. I know to some people wls is extreme but it is the right choice for me. Everybody else has been so supportive. I am thankful that I have such a great support group, especially at work, a couple people there have also has wls so I don't feel so alone.