Okay, so not quite. I was never a thin girl, but I was much smaller than I am now. It's weird. Then, I thought I was just as fat as I was at 280 pounds. I used to be down to 227. Looking back at those photos I'm thinking, "Man! I looked fabulous! Why'd I let that go?" I know why. I hit a plateau, and I didn't see any difference in myself because I didn't bother to take before/after photos. Looking back, ugh. I was so tiny compared to now!! I'm actually jealous of myself.

So rather than look at it that way, I've decided to be pro-active. I don't have time to make it back down to to the 220's pre-surgery, but I'm going to get as close as possible. Rather than feel miserable about what I've done to myself, I'm going to fix it. I'm going to get as low as possible before the date! That'll only give me a couple months, but hopefully I can make it back to the 240s-250s by then.

On that note, I'm pretty close to getting a date. I'm one nutrition appointment away from everything being submitted to my insurance company. Then I wait up to 15 business days for approval. I never thought I'd be this close.

Yesterday I went out and bought some sectioned children's plates and some baby spoons and forks. I went a little crazy and bought way more plates than I needed.. but come on. They have firetrucks on them. I'm more excited about that than anything else! Today begins day one of learning portion control.. Something I've never known anything about. I'm trying to resist restriction, though it is truly very hard as I have already lost a lot of weight within this past week. I know a lot of it was water weight, but I'm obsessed with the numbers. I'm trying not to get lost in this numerical mind game.

Anyway, on the bright side, I'm down 10 pounds and ready to lose another 30 before my date.

Good luck to me, and to everyone here trying to find healthiness and freedom <3