I feel so ashamed and belittled by myself at the moment! Weak is a nice way of the way I am making myself feel at this present moment! At the moment I am sitting in my hospital bed that I have been in since the day after my Gastric sleeve! Before I get into anything let me just let you all know why I chose to have the sleeve! I've always had trouble with weight throughout my life! I am only 27 I have 3 amazing boys 8, 5, and 19 months and I am with the love of my life since I was 13 years old! I started noticing after my 2nd son was born that I was limited in the activities or more so the amount of time I could participate in activities with my kids, which made me super depressed! I also never understood why I was the way I was as I was never a what people like to call "bad eater" of course during holidays and birthdays special events etc. I would eat some of the food that was offered, but myself being brought up with a Puerto rican father who loved to get food from the earth, grow his own grains, rice, fruit, vegetables, and eat always fresh and flavorful "chicens of the sea" lol would always wonder when I watched those healthy eating shows why when im eating more of those healthy foods then they make, I was still the way I was and constantly gaining or plateauing! Well it really hit me right after my 3rd son was born! With all my pregnancies I tended to loose between 20-30 pounds! All my children always came out healthy and are smart as can be but I always lost the weight! After I gave birth I would always go through post partum not because of some of the reasons other people did but because I knew that that weight loss was about to end! And of course with my 3rd son I lost a total of 40lbs to the day I gave birth! to my surprise I lost another 40 lbs in the 4 months following his birth! The first 2 weeks of him being 4 months old I slowly began gaining weight again but by the time that I new it I had shot up a good 10, then 15, then 20, then 30 and so on and so forth! By the time my son hit his 1st birthday I had already gained the 40 I lost during pregnancy plus another 40lbs. needless to say this was the worst weight gain I had gone through in a very long time I was depressed! I started noticing a large ball in the center of my neck almost like an adamns apple and quickly went to see an endocrinologist! after blood work he confirmed I had hypothyroidism and indeed had a goiter, a month later I had a biopsy that came back BENIGN OR NEGATIVE.... a month later I had a partial thyroidectomy because it was pushing on my trachea. after receiving the pathology reports from the pathologist it was to our surprise that both lobes of my thyroid indeed had follicular cancer. On top of that I was borderline diabetic, suffered from sleep apnea, have congenital dislocation of my radial heads in both elbows, horrible back aches, hair loss, skin rashes (especially where my skin hung over) and poor appetite. I began consulting with my general dr. who led me to the information that would lead me to my surgeon for the sleeve! I went through 9 months of pre-op dieting, meetings, support groups, research, etc. and after having my 2nd thyroid surgery which would complete it scheduled my date to be within insurance time frame!! Now having the surgery I feel like I made the wrong decision. This is why .. The day I had the surgery I felt fine u know the usual jitters and reservations but I knew that this would be a great journey and new start for my family and I. Tuesday I was able to go home and keep my liquids down, but that night turned ugly ... I had the worst sleep ever which I was kind of expecting, the pain meds made me feel worse then before, I woke up Wednesday morning not being able to tolerate any liquids not water not NOTHING by that afternoon I was like a zombie, no energy, fever, chills, crying, a mess. I came back to the hospital that night when I had someone to stay with my kids and was admitted to where I still am right now! I was doing good today and was given the hope that if I can keep fluids coming in and tolerate them I would be able to go home tomorrow! Needless to say excited and soo ready at about 6:30 they brought me liquids.. the first hour I drank my ounce in 20 mins, mved on to the next ounce and by the time I finished the 2nd one felt full. I tried to get a few more in but it just wasn't happening so I decided to give myself a break! Here I am at 10pm still feeling full, stomach in pain, almost threw up 3 times, nacious and a little dizzy when I stand up and feeling like I just runined my life, my kids lives, my fiancés life, and UNPOSITIVE! I have a wonderful nurse who advised me to use the tools that I have to get that positivity back because I a a fighter I always have been and I have to believe that I always will be! HELP ME EVERYONE OUT THERE I AM IN A DESPERATE TIME OF NEED!! BE MY ANGELS!