I'm sure like all of us you are not doing this on a whim and have researched this fully. People that are not overweight do not understand. I had one person tell me.. well, i am not surprised you are doing this, you always WERE vain. i was like WHAT? Anyway, do it for yourself, nobody else. Good Luck.

Those smiley faces don't hide how ticked you are at your husband.

And I really can't blame you. You've invested a lot of energy into getting ready for surgery and this last minute request and change of plans threw you off center. It seems selfish of him to throw this on you NOW and not before when he had his chance to "speak or forever hold his peace."

While you do have valid points, weight loss surgery is not the biggest decision of your life. Weight loss surgery is just a tool, you are the real miracle at the heart of your weight loss whether you have surgery or not.

You've conveyed the following about your husband:
You don't give a damn what he thinks.
You've implied that he is standing in the way of you improving your health.
You've indirectly conveyed that he is in between you and happiness.
You've expressed that he "wants to take this away" from you.

Where's the love for your husband in those words? Is your husband not your best friend? Is this really what he wants for you? Is this really what you think about him?

You are indeed a strong-willed, opinionated and extremely motivated woman. I love that about you already. =) I can relate. I'm about as textbook Choleric / Type A as they come. My parents used to call me a "bull in a china shop" Nothing and no one stood in my way. Until the day I lost everything - my marriage, my career, my lifestyle...all gone in a chain event of humbling experiences directly related to my inability to respect myself and others.

I don't want to see that happen with you. I hope that you can step away from the power struggle with your husband and be united in going forward together in agreement.

Think about it this way - If you had surgery, against your husband's wishes, and it cost you your marriage would you still do it? If your answer is yes, then you really don't need any further suggestions from me or anyone, you've already made your decision.

If your answer is "no" then you need to realize that in a relationship we don't always get our way. When we marry, we are granting another person a right to a say-so in what we do with our lives.
We have to come up with creative solutions that show respect and consideration for each other.

What do you both agree on?
1. That you need to lose weight.
2. That you need to get healthy.

What you disagree on is HOW you achieve that goal.

If you could lose weight through diet and exercise over the next year would you still want surgery?
Perhaps, this could be a solution for you. Do this yourself, be accountable to you and to your husband and work off the weight through diet and exercise. You are lovely - audition for The Biggest Loser or hire a personal trainer and do it...without surgery.

If you've tried that and it hasn't worked then you need to convey that to your husband. Surely he has watched you try diet and exercise and fail, right? You do need to validate his thoughts even if you don't agree with them.

If he doesn't want you to go to Juarez alone, he should go with you. Even if this means postponing surgery date until this can be arranged. You really do not need to do this without support. Alone can't be your ideal situation so why are you settling for it?

At the core of you is a gal crying out for someone to be worthy enough to manage you, help you manage the chaos and be your biggest fan. You need to let your husband be that for you and stop castrating him with your words. You would have never married the guy if he wasn't everything you desired; now both of you need to be everything you both desire together and stop letting emotions run and ruin your relationship.

The path you are running towards right now does not show much desire to view your husband as your partner, your support and your best friend.

My concern is that if you continue to insist on going forward and doing life alone...you eventually will.

That was an exceptional and well thought reply; more than I ever would have asked for. You are very correct in your assertions, which has caused me to reevaluate my premises. However, my conclusion still remains! I would have loved for my Husband to attend with me. But maybe this time i would love to spend some quality time with me! My mother passed away from cancer June 6th, and I have not had a chance to just think! I love the adventure, and the challenge of facing difficulty and going at this alone! It is a signal of my strength and tenacity. I worked very hard to get to this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I respect your example of losing everything, it takes my mind into the unimaginable. A place I had yet not considered.

This is about YOU! If your husband does not support you...too bad! Do what is best for you! I thought my life was over 2 years ago when husband walked out, but it was all for the best. I found a better looking, more loving and supportive man. Your husband needs to stand by you for better or worse! Maybe he is scared you will get so HOT, he will lose you. Assure him you love him...This surgery will change your life...just do it!

My husband was totally against me having the surgery too. We have been married 29 years and he has seen my struggles with weight loss and regain at least a 100 times over. I was very annoyed with him at first. After numerous discussions we concluded that 1. It was my choice. 2. He was opposed to the idea, but that he would go with me to Mexico and be available to assist me. 3. He agreed he could offer support inspite of not agreeing that it was a good idea, because I might need someone to look out for me if anything went wrong. During the week in Mexico and amazing transformation happened. Not just in me, but in him too. I saw the gentle, kind man I had married soo many years ago. I had not seen him in more than a decade! He had a change of heart and is now thrilled I had the surgery. He forever changed his opinion of what he thought Mexico and its people were like. We had a fabulous time together, reconnecting. Now...I feel like I'm 16 and in love all over again! The two of you don't have to agree...but you should at least be willing to support each others wishes and offer assistance in helping your mates dreams come true! Also, keep in mind.... he may just be afraid something would happen to you, and he doesn't want to loose you. Men have a hard time saying, "I'm afraid". Talk to him about this! If it's his fear talking....I'm sure you would be less annoyed with him. ;o)

This is something you are doing for you. Alot of people think we are taking the easy way out. sometimes people are more comfortable with us in the only way they have known us. not only is it new for us but it is new for them. Change is scary for everyone. 7 days after surgery I am feeling good.

Do it for u!U will live longer and feel sooooo much better!!! Go go go!

This decision is one of the biggest in your life, but you still need the support of your spouse. It takes two to tango. He is prob. worried about your well being. My wife was not on board at first, but once she understood how important this was for me she went along with it. She is 5'10" and 122. I was 5'10" 303. She was always under the impression that if I just ate a little less I would lose weight. After watching me go from 180 to 303 over 20 years she finally understood that the only way for me to get the weight off and keep it off was through surgery. I love her for her understanding and support.

My husband has been supportive thru the whole decision making and he is even taken a week off of work to go with me and take care of me. He has made remarks that hes afraid I will leave him but I assured him I love him too much and just wanting to be healthy for him and the kids. he now totally understands and tells the kids it is for my health and he supports me. Now the rest of the family has no idea for a reason because I dont want to hear the negative remarks about going to Mexico to have surgery. I will wait til its over and they ask me how I am losing so much weight.....Cant wait to see the look on their faces!!!!

I was up front with everyone in my family. They couldn't understand but supported me all the same. The key word is support. It will be very difficult for anyone to go through this procedure without support. We all love our spouses and they love us. If one doesn't respect the thoughts of the other and does not lend their support then it will make it difficult. My wife loved me the way I was but was afraid I wouldn't live long enough to see our grandchildren. Now I have added an additional 15 years to my life and she is stuck with less of me to boss around . ))))

My husband also was against it but too bad, I did it for me! I have to face myself in the mirror everyday

My husband is supportive but I think he is a little scared of the unknow as well we have not been married even a year yet so he has only known me to be PHAT but he saw some pictures of me back in the day and he made the commont you not going to leave me after this surgery. My husband is a good man and I plan on being with his until we take our last breath. I respect him and his thoughts and could not imagine being without him. But in your case he would just have to be mad especially if he do not have to wake up every morning and feel the way you do. I broke it down to my husband oh he thinks I got it all together a DIVA. But inside I hurt I feel fat and unhappy I hate taking medicine every day. I want more for me and all my life it has been about someone else and now it is my time. I never been on a plane or even in an airport but I am getting on that plane flying to San Diego, going across the border and praying that God protects me to and fro. And if my husband came tomorrow and said I could not have the surgery -I would just ask him where they do that at and laugh. I played it smart I paid for everything up front men don't change their minds when it comes to money.