I hate food!!!
by
, 04-28-2015 at 11:59 AM (2629 Views)
Why?! Why do I have to do a food blog? Or a food diary? Or a food planner? I don't WANT to think about food so much! I'm trying to forget about food. I sure as hell don't want to write down everything I eat! I KNOW what I am eating. Why do I need to write it down as proof to the rest of the world of what I'm eating? I hate this! It's an utter embarrassment! Food makes me feel out of control. When I want to eat it's almost primal. I just want to stuff it into my mouth, chew and swallow, rinse and repeat. That's it! I don't want to THINK about it! I know why I eat. I hate why I eat. Eating is just supposed to be an intake of nourishment: vitamins, minerals, necessary proteins. All a means of survival. But food has become something so much more to me. For a long time food was the only source of pleasure that I allowed myself to have. Sex was not permitted. The pleasure derived from sex was proof of my deviant nature: I was a whore, a ho, a slut. Now, I know that is not true - but that's what I thought. 25 years ago. The damage inflicted upon me by my sexual predator is severe. But, I hope that I have gotten to the point that I understand (or at least I am finally able to admit that I need to understand) why I turned to food. But, if I am trying to get passed all of that why do I need to keep such a focus on it??!! I just want to forget food. I don't want to write it down all damn day long!!