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jacquidaniels

My journey: Are you sure this is what you want to do? YES, now please, stop asking!

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My Weight Loss (surgery) journey started in November of 2013. From the moment I mentioned having surgery to one of my family members they have always responded with, "Are you sure this is what you want to do?" After almost 5 months of this response and my surgery less than two weeks away, I am feeling frustrated. I understand that this person feels that surgery, like any surgery, is a risk. They also feel that my 46lbs weight loss over the last year is great, which I agree, but I don't want it to stop there. I've also got Multiple Sclerosis, which at times keeps me from being able to work out for weeks on end. My biggest fear in life is one day ending up in a wheelchair like my grandmother, who also has M.S. This is one of the reasons why I want to fight it head on, get healthy now, enjoy my life, my husband and my young children now! This person doesn't seem to understand my frustration when they ask, "Are you sure this is what you want to do?" YES! I have never been more sure of anything in my life. So please, stop asking... Since deciding to have surgery back in November after my husband and I went to a WLS seminar, I've made such huge lifestyle changes. My husband's support has been amazing, but dealing with those who question my choices is stressful. Help!

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Comments

  1. taisha's Avatar
    hi jacquidaniels, i can relate with you i'm 45 years old and my mom still questions what i decide for myself. i'm married with kids and grand kids let it rest!!! i feel your frustration and it's also annoying like you i lost a lot of weight o my own and she feels that i should continue to do so naturally. i have tons of health problems that at times prevent me from doing a lot of things, so this surgery is needed to get me healthy. my hubby and kids all support this and has helped me so much i just wish those who don't agree with my decision to just not talk about it and realize i am grown woman. had to vent there lol keep your head up and do you
  2. MaryC's Avatar
    Hi Jacquidaniels, that was one of the fears I also had, telling people about the surgery people asking all this questions and not understanding why we decided to have it done,so I really didn't tell to many people only My husband who also is very supporting about it, and my sister thats it.
  3. bgedang's Avatar
    I hear you.. and you are much more patient then me.. because I'd be asking them every chance I got .. when they went to have something to eat.. are you sure you want do to that? when they went to sit down, are you sure thats the right choice for you? on and on and on until they got the point. Because eventually, they would be like.. why do you keep asking me that.. and my response is, because as sure as you are about eating, breathing and living is how sure I am that I have made the right choice for ME! Hang in there!
  4. jacquidaniels's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by bgedang
    I hear you.. and you are much more patient then me.. because I'd be asking them every chance I got .. when they went to have something to eat.. are you sure you want do to that? when they went to sit down, are you sure thats the right choice for you? on and on and on until they got the point. Because eventually, they would be like.. why do you keep asking me that.. and my response is, because as sure as you are about eating, breathing and living is how sure I am that I have made the right choice for ME! Hang in there!
    Thank you!! You made me laugh! I will definitely try this next time he says something!
  5. jacquidaniels's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by MaryC
    Hi Jacquidaniels, that was one of the fears I also had, telling people about the surgery people asking all this questions and not understanding why we decided to have it done,so I really didn't tell to many people only My husband who also is very supporting about it, and my sister thats it.
    This is exactly why I've only told a few people. Surprisingly enough, the ones I expected to be critical weren't and only one person I thought would be more supportive than he is, (my Dad) isn't. Thanks for the support!
  6. Vicky1317's Avatar
    Don't let anyone make you second guess your choices. I am only 22 days post op and I'm regreting not choosing to have the surgery sooner. I'm so happy. I have so much more energy and in just 22 days I have been able to stop both hypertension medications and all 3 diabetes medications. If you stick to your physicians instructions, you will be successful. Hang in there!
  7. jacquidaniels's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by taisha
    hi jacquidaniels, i can relate with you i'm 45 years old and my mom still questions what i decide for myself. i'm married with kids and grand kids let it rest!!! i feel your frustration and it's also annoying like you i lost a lot of weight o my own and she feels that i should continue to do so naturally. i have tons of health problems that at times prevent me from doing a lot of things, so this surgery is needed to get me healthy. my hubby and kids all support this and has helped me so much i just wish those who don't agree with my decision to just not talk about it and realize i am grown woman. had to vent there lol keep your head up and do you
    Sounds like we're in the same boat! It's my Dad who has been less than supportive! I'm 31, I've been married for 11 years and I have 3 children. I think I can make wise choices on what is best for me and my family. Thank you so much for the support taisha!
  8. jacquidaniels's Avatar
    Thank you Vicky1317 and best wishes!
  9. darlene17044's Avatar
    I understand completely what you are saying. I am married with children and some of my extended family and friends keep asking me the same question. I tell them the same thing, "you don't know what it's like being me, living in pain everyday, dreading daylight because you don't have the energy to be the best mom that you can be. I am not fine...I am killing myself. I am doing this for me and my family, I want to be happy, healthy and active". I have taken an entire year to consider this decision. I have consistently lost weight but I know that there is a lot more to lose. I know that I have made the right decision and I won't tolerate any negativity about it! Good luck with your situation and just know that you are not alone.
  10. Miek's Avatar
    I knew some of my family would react the same exact way which is why I chose to only let a few people know prior to my surgery. Then after I was home I sent the rest of a family an email explaining what I did, why I did it and asked for their support. This put them in a position where all they could do is be supportive and not question me.

    You've got an entire community on this forum that will support you unconditionally.
  11. Rocksjourney13's Avatar
    This is precisely why I have told no one of my plans expect for my spouse. He does not support my decision at all. I am so happy to have found this forum so that I can learn as much as possible from people who are experiencing many of the struggles I have faced. I may not know any of you but I feel like most of you probably know how I feel much of the time and can relate to how hard being an overweight person an be.
  12. jacquidaniels's Avatar
    Thank you so much for your kind words and support! This truly means so much to know that there is a group of like minded people who I have never met, yet they feel like great friends! Xx
  13. janetm's Avatar
    I think one of the reasons it's so difficult to be questioned by others is that very few of us go into the surgery without fears of our own. We often fear that we won't be successful having failed at so many attempts in the past. We fear the actual physical consequences of such a major surgery. We fear and mourn the loss of comfort we get from food. We fear not knowing who we are anymore. When others add their fears to our own we feel it deeply, get angry, get defensive and just wish they would leave us alone to get on with it!

    For me, once I squarely faced my own fear pre-surgery, what others had to say mattered way less. Of, course we all want the approval of those we love and when it isn't forthcoming ... well, that's painful.
  14. caussia's Avatar
    i get the feeling. rather than let other people try to talk e out of of my decision, i just didn't tell anyone. i have a rather large family, and an even bigger extended family, who all feel like they can offer up opinions about health care choices. stand tall, because you are making decisions for you. i am 10 days post op. and we'll see you on the other side, and congratulations on your weight loss so far.
  15. jacquidaniels's Avatar
    Thank you janetm and caussia, such wise words that mean so much! ♥
  16. sociologist's Avatar
    Just ask them if theyre sure they want to have sex again...thatll shut them up:-)
  17. brandy5's Avatar
    I have decided not to tell anyone but my kids because I have been chewed out by one friend already and told a horror story . made me very angry.
  18. jacquidaniels's Avatar
    It's really sad. It's our bodies and our lives. No one should really have an opinion . Yes, my husband may have one, but he is very supportive, so no one else should care in my opinion.