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tartie_pants

And the Addiction Decides to Say Hello

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tartie_pants
, 04-04-2013 at 11:12 AM (1703 Views)
So last night the evil little addiction voice decided to come out. It wasn't that I made a bad choice, it was that I lashed out at my partner when she questioned why I was making that choice. I'll get into the details later, but after thinking about it I realized why I lash out. It has nothing to do with good choice / bad choice it has to do with any questioning of my choice period. Food is the one thing I feel like I have control over. I have spent my life being a good soldier and doing things for everyone when they ask. Food is (I am working on making it has) been MY space MY domain and I don't react well when anyone questions it.

The other thing that upsets me is that it seems like she has no faith in me. She said she is trying to help me because she doesn't want me to have gone through all this for nothing. COME ON IT IS DAY 8!!! I've lost 32lbs can I have just a tiny little be more faith here?

What I need to work on is to release control of my food and gain control in other areas. I need to be more assertive in other areas so I can be less assertive about my food.

I am upset about my partners reaction though. She said she is tired of taking on my isssues. That I am always working on them and I haven't gotten "better". I don't think she appreciates how entrenched this is and how long it is going to take. This started when I was 6 I really don't know any other way to be so I need to learn to be a new person. At the same time I don't want to use it as a crutch.

Ok so the actual story.... we went to watch our favorite TV show at my sister in laws last night. They had pork chops mashed potatoes and biscuits. They ate candy and nutter butters. The day before, Firehouse Subs. Easter, it was my favorite meal, pot roast, potatoes, carrots, biscuits, gravy and cake. I just needed something other than a shake and tomato soup. The only soup I can have is tomato so even soup is repetitive.

So I broke. I needed something that would be "normal" and a "treat". I decided I wanted ice cream from Mc Donalds. I know it is low fat and I know I only was going to have a little. When I told her she questioned why I wanted ice cream. I flew off the handle.

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  1. Eileen123's Avatar
    Yea, we can definatly do that sometimes. I think my husband will be that way too. (Fingers crossed, hopefully not) But they dont realize exactly what you are going through. We can try to explain till we are blue in the face, but they aren't walkin in our shoes.

    When I first told my husband I was going to do this surgery, he was like, you better start now. Then other days out the blue,he'd be like, I'm telling you, you shouldn't be eating what your eating. I just try to ignore him cause he doesn't realize that I'll be ok. I got this. When it's time for me to start my pre-op diet and after surgery, I don't need anyone watching over me. I know what I can have or not have. Just cause I have a bite of something You think is bad for me, You don't have to worry about this, I do! I can simply have a bite of this or that and then be ok. It will in fact make me feel better probably, then I can go back to my proper eating habits.
  2. speedracer's Avatar
    McDonalds has low-fat ice cream?

    http://nutrition.mcdonalds.com/getnu...itionfacts.pdf

    I feel awful, that sometimes our loved ones gets the nasty side of us! Some are our supporters, some are our cause, some are our haters! But either way, there is a reason we continue to choose to be with%2
  3. speedracer's Avatar
    McDonalds has low-fat ice cream?

    http://nutrition.mcdonalds.com/getnu...itionfacts.pdf

    I feel awful, that sometimes our loved ones gets the nasty side of us! Some are our supporters, some are our cause, some are our haters! But either way, there is a reason we continue to choose to be with them, and we must love them, for loving us! Its happend to the best of us, the best you can do is unprovoked, express an apology, and in that apology, come up with a solution so it wont happen again. You dont want to lash out at someone who is trying to assist. Best of luck to you!
  4. tartie_pants's Avatar
    It used to be before the Mc Cafe stuff. I just know the cone is 170 cal and 3pts from past WW and as I literally could only have 6 licks I am pretty sure I was at 50cals at the most. I have to say I actually appreciate McD's putting the calorie counts on the oder board. I wish the rest would for instance when they changed the shakes to the Mc Cafe they changed the ice cream formula. My mom used to get a shake as a treat it was once around 300cal now that same shake is 600+. If they didn't put it on the board we would have never known.
  5. tartie_pants's Avatar
    Oh as for the lashing out. We had a talk today calmly and rationally I admidted to my mistakes in how I handled the situation and let her know how talking about failure this earrly made me feel. We came to a good place.
  6. thenewmetoday's Avatar
    We all have a need to taste sometimes. Great insight and that you are talking. Good luck
  7. griz's Avatar
    Don't beat yourself up over the splurge...I had lobster bisque 3 days out. My doctor said for the first couple weeks eat WHATEVER you can (keeping protein in mind) because you are eating so little and your body is in crisis mode. As for snapping at your girlfriend...remember hormones are stored in body fat, as you lose weight, you can have some crazy mood swings that only add to the stress. I know what you are going through. My husband has given up smoking and has gained about 25 pounds (which he needed). He has a habit of asking me my work out plans every single day. I felt judged. As if he thought that skipping one day was BAD and that I would "fall off the wagon". I have been super successful thus far and I finally snapped and said "now that I weigh only 8lbs more than you, maybe YOU should start working out as well" Needless to say, he stopped asking. It gets so much easier, I promise. Good Luck!
  8. griz's Avatar
    BTW, the first couple of weeks I lived on mashed potatoes, chowder/soup and refried beans
  9. ShannaBanana's Avatar
    Blue bell makes a vanilla fatfree sugar free ice cream and it's good.I've mar protein shakeswith it
  10. brendadenton64's Avatar
    I have had many lashed out bashes with my hubby already the stress just gets unbearable sometimes, but the judgement that folks give us is just crazy sometimes. But am glad you were able to talk it out with her. They say it gets better I sure hope so I am 2 months out from being sleeved so I hope my emotions calm down soon
  11. Nickijo's Avatar
    try arctic zero ice cream low cal and good protein. I think if our mates ate the portion size we have to they would better understand us.

    And I know the mood swings I can't stand myself at times.

    I hope you wife understands that criticism could be part of what got you to where you are and you need support not a critic. glad you talked it out.
    best wishes