Ugh... :/ Sad and tiered... waiting for that day...
by
, 06-13-2012 at 12:24 AM (1486 Views)
I dont know about you guys but since I made my surgery date I've been really down about the way I look....
Deciding to do this surgery forced my to reflect; Reflect my choices, reflect how I feel about myself, reflect my happiness. Truth is I'm not happy right now. I'm embarrassed by the way I look and the fact that I've gain a bit on weight lately. So much so that I've been trying to avoid seeing people until after I have my surgery. I realize that that's not realistic but it's the way I feel. I was having meltdown after meltdown last week about how unhappy I am but this week I seem to have accepted it. I'm trying to be optimistic and just finish my college courses but even though I've accepted the fact that I feel the way I do, it doesn't make me feel better.
I confident that I will feel better even once I wake up from surgery. I know my weight and how I look will not change over night but I think I will find comfort in the fact that i'm starting a new life. I know that once i have this surgery I will not have a choice to look towards the bright future ahead instead of lingering in the present/past like I am now. I hope that the surgery will free me from the shame I have in my self and the way I look right now because it is hard on my family, friends, me and especially my boyfriend. His very sweet and trying to be very patient with me but these days he is constantly being exposed to my sadness and negativity.
Has anyone else experienced this? Please let me know
Thanks <3 Mimi