Don't worry nobody needs to know your business except for the people that you choose to tell. Bad thing about people is judging. Sometimes I feel that they are not happy with there own lives and decide to judge to make there lives a little better. the heck with those people. You will do your best and accomplish your goal.

I chose not to share this private business with anyone. I flew from Toronto Canada to San Diego solo, had surg and returned home solo. Recovery went very good and to this day 21 months later maybe 2 people know of the surg. When people notice that I do not eat a lot I just say I have an issue with digestion and leave it at that. I love the wy my body feels and the clothes I can wear but most of all I love that my health is excellent. No more diabetes, bp, chol. no more meds. This is your journey do it the way you want. Love you most of all. Cheers Joanne

I am with you sister. I can't understand why you could tell people that you are on the latest Hollywood diet where you only eat cabbage leaves and crickets and they would fall all over themselves to support you... but tell them you are having surgery and boom, you are taking the easy way out. Seriously, I don't understand people sometimes.

You absolutely right to keep this to yourself. You know that the judging will just keep on going every time you pick up anything to eat. But in the mean time, you will be losing weight and gaining self confidence. In the long run, it isn't what other people think of us, it is what we think of ourselves that matters.

I have found on my journey that I am a strong person for admitting I had a problem with my weight and then asking for help because I could not do it on my own. I now find myself to be an inspiration to others who are also struggling with their weight. Two people in my life are looking into this surgery as well.
Haters will always hate. This is for you. No one lives in your body. Hang in there. Keep using this forum for support. It is great here.

Congratulations on the decision to do something for yourself. I've only told a handful of people about my surgery and 3 1/2 months later I couldn't be happier. I rarely, if ever. have anyone question the amount of food I eat. Many people have asked how I've done it and I tell them I increased my protein and cut the carbs and sugar. And you know what...that explanation satisfies EVERYONE! Of the handful of people I've told a couple of them never mention my weight loss, but that's ok with me. I understand completely. Those people are overweight themselves and I know they're just trying to protect themselves from feeling badly about themselves. Others have been so supportive even beyond my expectations. Keep your eye on the prize and don't let the "negative Nancy's" get in your head. This is your life and you deserve to enjoy it.

i agree doll!!! people judge... and its soooooooooo not their business anyway. my surgery is today! ony my husband, kids, boss, and mom know. I may tell my family later when im ready. but it will be because i want to. do it for yourself goodluck

Congrats on your sleeve. And I can relate on being judge. But keep your head up and think about how great and healthy you will be.

I understand your pain and certainly believe the judgements to be true. may I suggest some positive affirmations? I am surrounded with love and acceptance. I love myself for who I am and so do others. I control my destiny. I am happy with myself and so are others. I am NOT trying to judge you, I know so much pain from my own judgements re: my weight. You look young and beautiful, with a very warm smile. I'm sure there are others who have seen your talents and accomplishments and who KNEW you were amazing. I believe we draw to us what we think. I am surrounded with support and love. I too was in an abusive relationship from 17 yrs to 34. I have had to undo countless negative messages. Be kind to others as they are just uniformed, and stop apologizing!
Those affirmations may not be the correct ones for you but try the author Louise Hay. Best of luck, my surgery is Jan 20th. We can do this!

I told a handful of my closest support system - and as I lose weight (I am 8 weeks out) I pick & choose who I will share with - But I almost wish I had told even fewer just because everyone you tell pretty much expects you to melt before their eyes. The expectation is there which just adds stress. You don't have to tell anyone, but it's nice to have the support of your closest friends & family.

I was a very picky about who I told what to while I was going through the pre-op process, which took 3 months, and even after. I've been very lucky in in life that if people were judging me (and I'm sure some were)they never did it to my face....with the exception of my parents, who I knew were doing it out of love and concern. Their ways and words might not have been the easiest to hear, but I lived through it. With this journey, they've become my biggest cheerleaders!!! Over the time of losing and since the surgery in early August, I've slowly told more and more people. It's not a secret, but it's MY business to tell as I choose. I'm not ashamed, just didn't feel it's everyone's business. I'm proud that I took this step to take back control of my life and my health. That's what it's all about.

The folks that notice my weight loss comment about how great I'm doing and looking. I tell them thanks, that I'm working hard at it....even to those who know I had the surgery. Because nothing about this process is easy. Even for me, who had NO complications, nausea, terrible pain, problems eating, drinking etc...... It's hard to let food take over your life, in a whole new way. When I'm not battling my mind about what I CAN and can't eat, I'm concentrating on what my next meal or snack is. But, not in the way I used to. This is part of my life now, but it's to make sure that I have only the right things available, not to sneak my next snack!

Do what is best for you. As you go through the process and after surgery, you might feel more and more comfortable sharing your journey. I mean, afterwards, what can anyone do about it, right? lol Good luck and keep your chin up and be proud that you did this for you!!!!

Originally Posted by 3bandds

I understand your pain and certainly believe the judgements to be true. may I suggest some positive affirmations? I am surrounded with love and acceptance. I love myself for who I am and so do others. I control my destiny. I am happy with myself and so are others. I am NOT trying to judge you, I know so much pain from my own judgements re: my weight. You look young and beautiful, with a very warm smile. I'm sure there are others who have seen your talents and accomplishments and who KNEW you were amazing. I believe we draw to us what we think. I am surrounded with support and love. I too was in an abusive relationship from 17 yrs to 34. I have had to undo countless negative messages. Be kind to others as they are just uniformed, and stop apologizing!
Those affirmations may not be the correct ones for you but try the author Louise Hay. Best of luck, my surgery is Jan 20th. We can do this!

Thank you

Thanks to all of you for reading ... it's nice to know that I'm not the only one facing this, and the support is great. Happiness to us ALL!

I think you have to do whatever helps with your success. I told everyone who listened, and even those who didn't...lol... I told strangers, sales people when I went shopping for smaller sizes, and the reactions have been mostly positive. However, that being said, I never let the "haters" influence my journey. I did this for me, and for the first time in a long time, didn't care what others thought. This attitude helped my resolve to be successful, and so far, so good. I wish you luck, and know that you'll never regret the decision you made to improve your life. Continued success!

YOU WILL DO AWESOME. i SO FEEL HOW YOU DO i CAME TO THE CONCLUSION IT IS NOT THERE LIFE NOR BODY AND YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY. PERTTY SOON THE COMMENTS WILL BE WOW YOU LOOK AWESOME WOW GOOD FOR YOU THEN IT WILL BE ALL THE JEALOUS 120LB WAITRESS WISHING THEY ARE AS PERTTY AS YOU. GOOD LUCK i WISH YOU THE BEST SUCCESS. iT HAS BEEN A GREAT THING FOR ME AND i FINALLY SEE MY SELF AS HAPPY AGAIN.

I hear you about the judgments, but sometimes I think we are the worst judge of ourselves. In the past I have had depression coupled with an anxiety disorder - and when that is flaring I feel judged by everyone - sometimes to the point of not wanting to leave the house. But I have come to realize that a lot of that is me reading in to what other people say. (As my therapist likes to remind me - I am not a mindreader.) I have had to really learn in the last few years to be kind to myself!

Honestly, I have told tons of people, and I have only had one even slightly negative comment - and I think that was more a case of misunderstanding. Hopefully as the process goes on you will feel like you can tell more people if you want to.

I am generally a private person, so have kept this even more private. I don't need co workers opinions on what I am doing, or friends putting their 2 cents in. Whats it matter whether its weight watchers, my fitness pal, or the latest shake / drink craze. All they will see is that whatever I am doing seems to be working this time.

Work thinks I am having a hernia repaired (which I do have).

If I do need support, I have a few close people that know, and I have you guys!

I did the exact opposite - I decided to not make it a secret and all my friends, family and co-workers knew I was going to have the surgery and that it is now done. I must be so lucky because I have had nothing but positive encouragement. Everyone said "Good for You - how exciting". It has strengthened my resolve to ensure this works so I can show everybody that I did make the right decision. Your true friends and family members will support you in anything you decide to do. Good Luck

Hello!,
As I read your post I felt as if I was reading an excerpt of some of my experiences. I too only told a hand full of people, as I do not think it is anyone's business. People will always be there to judge and we can be our worst critics. Love yourself and and all will be ok.

All I can say, if being thin and loosing weight was easy their wouldn't be very many obese people.

I had a boss tell me that he knew someone who had the surgery and "they weren't any good to anyone after that." Really. My husband hasn't dealt with me since my surgery because he can't stand that I am independent and not self-conscious anymore. He is a good man, but he has been taking care of me since I fell down a flight of steps 15 years ago, and I think that he liked that role. I have not let it get me down. I am enjoying the fruits of my hard work and trying on size 4 dresses for the first time in my life. I don't care what anyone thinks about my decision. My self-confidence is at an all time high and I am going back to school to get my MBA. As for my husband, I will let him figure out how he is going to handle his feelings on his own. I am going to concentrate on this process and we will see what happens. After 20 years of marriage, "this too shall pass." I have told only a handful of other people, but have one guy at work who insists on filling in the blanks when I say "I just eat lots of protein and vegetables and no carbs." He somehow found out and thinks it is his duty to let people in on the "secret." I just say "you are just jealous." And to the others that he tells, I tell them he is nuts, lol. Well, he is I am going to stay strong and do what I can. I have four kids at home between 11 and 17. I need to make sure that they keep a positive outlook on life and they have learned a lot about what not to eat. They self regulate their own food intake and I am proud they have learned something from this.

Let me tell you something girl! These strangers on this forum are AWESOME they are right there for you. I have found them to be brilliant..
By the way I love what you wrote.. I hear you, and have always realised how people judge one another just like I read your post.. I judged that you are a brilliant writer and interesting sensitive person so that's a good judgement hey !! :-))
I have a very good friend back in England where I come from.. She is almost 6 ft tall and like a bean pole.. She and another friend when I told them about having this sleeve operation both sat there and said couldn't you just eat less...not that I hadn't tried it having been through many diets in my life.
It was so frustrating both of them tall and skinny had no idea how it felt to feel hungry all the time and wanting to eat all the scrumptious tasty bad food..
I too decided not to tell many people when I had it done but now I have told a few.. And yes I had one woman tell me her friend had died.. I think she was scared for me and I know it took a lot for her to speak up about it...
I don't care so much now that I have lost 78 pounds And this surgery speaks for itself .. Although I still don't tell everyone. But I don't regret anything one bit.. Except I wish I could have just eaten that small amount all those years ago.. But I didn't and here we are..!
Good luck with it all keep in touch
All the best Hev

Great post! I'm 7 days out & today was much better than yesterday, so, each day away from your surgery gets better and better. Just wanted to say that to you first.
Second, I've struggled with how many people out my immediate family I wanted to know. My husband and 21 yr old son think I should tell everyone I feel differently. My husband went to a holiday party this past Saturday and took our 10 yr old daughter. The party was full of all our "friends" the ones you usually see every month or so and during the holidays but not weekly. My husband was so concerned as to what to tell everyone. I said tell them I was recovering from elective surgery. His comment " well they will ask what kind" then it turned to tell them I had gall bladder surgery. His comment " well I don't want to lie to them." He went back to finish getting ready and he & my daughter came in to say goodbye. As they were leaving I said ...just tell them I couldn't make it period. He came home several hours later and I ask him how everybody was and did he have to do any explaining. He said " No, another friends wife didn't come either" so go figure sometimes the simplest words are the best. As far as you telling who you tell. Sometimes the simplest words are the best. I know this is a long response. But I think it's worth saying.

Tears in my eyes as I read the post and all the comments.
All I want to say is...... Do You!! This is all about you and everyone else can kick rocks.
I myself told any and everyone who would listen. Yes I have dealt with a life of judgement. But this was about me. And all the "haters" they will be right where they are while I am moving forward because I did something just for me.
Keep pushing!! Keep growing!! And keep doing what makes you happy!!

I am scheduled for surgery Feb 23, I have only told my parents and one friend (as well as my husband).. I only plan on telling my sister and one more close friend. I think for me I feel like a failure that I had to resort to surgery to keep the weight off, I know that is crazy, because I do not in anyway think of others who have had this surgery that way, I guess it's just my own self esteem.. I plan to tell people who ask what I'm doing to loose weight that it's portion control (it is, after all) and high protein/low carb.. which is what I have done to loose a large amount of weight twice in the past 2 years, just cant maintain it, this time will be different... good luck to you and your journey!!

I can relate. I am often the fattest guy in the room. I told a few people at work and they had negative comments. It no longer surprises me that so many people have opinions without knowing all the facts. Would they tell someone who is drowning, just get out of the water? Or someone who is clinically depressed to snap out of it? And when it comes to rehab, patients are lauded for taking the steps to change, yet those of us that can't quite put down the fork are often ridiculed for needed surgery.

I had only told my husband, mom, my kids and 2 close friends. When I finally got my surgery date (January 15th) I told my bosses (last week) today I have told the rest of the team that I work closely with. But I feel embarrassed, and awkward telling others! Best of luck to ya!

I told only a handful of people before I was sleeved and then posted it on facebook the day after I was sleeved. I know people will judge, I did I am so grateful that I learned more about this whole process and shout it out to people - but I have always been an opened book. Whether it is to talk to people about my depression or about my weight loss journey, I hope that I can help someone skip the crap I went through to realize what I needed to do for myself to be healthy and happy. I am 2 months into this weight loss journey and am happier than ever. People notice and I yell it at the top of my lungs! I even had a friend/co-worker have the same surgery in Mexico this month that I had. I have a ton of people asking about it and I am excited to tell them about it. I know there are those out there who will always have their opinions about my surgery, but who cares - I am getting skinnier and healthier, so let them judge!! This is a hard journey - harder that I thought it would be. It made me realize what a food addict I was and the mental issues I have had to overcome (and still working on)! Good luck on your journey and know that this is for YOU and only YOU!!