Well, it's about an hour before I'm due to leave for my consultation appointment and I am flipping back and forth between being excited and being nervous. I feel like I am right on the brink of something huge and it is scary.

My life hasn't always been easy and I've had my share of bad stuff happen. As a matter of fact, 11 years ago today, I buried my five year old daughter who passed away suddenly from bacterial meningitis. So hard things are nothing new to me. But I am at a point where I feel like I've worked through my grief, righted some wrong choices I've made, and my life is on an even keel and is really good. My other daughter is thriving and just about to graduate college, I have found a job that I love and that fulfills me, and I have been incredibly blessed to have some amazing and truly wonderful people enter my life as dear friends.

My biggest fears about all of this isn't the pain, or will it work, etc. My biggest fears have to do with upsetting this delicate balance that I've achieved in my life. I have worked so hard to find peace and happiness and I am terrified of screwing that up.

But, bottom line is that I have a chance to not only lose weight, but more importantly get healthy, get off my meds and live the life that I deserve. So I owe it to myself to at least go talk to someone and see what this is all about.

I had never thought about weight loss surgery before. Not sure why, just hadn't. When I went in for my physical in October, my doctor suggested I look into it. Aside from the weight and the conditions associated with it (high blood pressure, polycystic ovarian syndrome), I am really healthy. He thought it would be a good option because I am healthy, I am still you enough to benefit from the procedure and he believes it will "cure" my PCOS.

At first I was horrified at the thought. Perhaps denial that I was "morbidly obese"? Then it seemed like an easy way out. But the more I read and the more I spoke to people, I realized this isn't an easy fix. Oddly, that made me feel better. How weird is it that I was thinking that taking this option was "cheating"? Anyway, I've decided to go for the consultation. My doctor thinks he can make a case for having my insurance cover it, so what do I have to lose? I mean besides the obvious! LOL