People are dense and frustrating!!

[terrora]

It is my birthday coming up and I cannot believe how dense people are. I should be grateful that people are acknowledging my birthday
but get a flipping clue already.
Three people have invited me over for dinner. They all know about my surgery and that I am barely able to eat much more than soup and a few soft items.
Is it that people can't be bothered coming up with something else other than cooking a dinner that only THEY will enjoy?
I have lots of hobbies and interests so why not a drive to the mountains with a short hike and a hot chocolate after?
Or bowling or a movie, or or or??
Are people just too lazy to be creative?
It is like asking a person for a broken leg to go for a walk,,,"we will only walk a little ways"....sheesh!!

***Just venting,,even though this thread seems a bit ridiculous *** These people KNOW I just had surgery.

[emski87]

It is frustrating x but people don't always remember and I see this as a good thing x they just see you as their friend, and in all out social loves we eat and drink together x so it is only normal for them to go back to the normal things x as they haven't had surgery, and clearly the first thing they think about when they see you isn't the surgery hut just that you're a friend x

I had spoken to my friends numerous times to start with and said "I can't go out for a meal" or "why did you make dinner you know I'm limited to what I can eat" etc etc etc......it doesn't always sink in haha x they don't mean anything by it xx if it gets you down, suggest something else to so for your birthday you know they will understand xx

[SethP]

Eating has been a social event even with the cave men. I kill mammoth you help me eat it. This is a challenge for us that are sleeved. We have to find other ways to celebrate events in our life. More people attend the the reception then the wedding. I have even seen people go to a wake and eat but not make the funeral. I can feel your frustrations. I have a birthday coming up next month and already my WIFE asked what should she cook. I love that woman so I dont get mad. I tell it wont matter what she cooks I will eat a LITTLE and laugh. She then realizes what she asked and laugh too. It is an adventure that we are on and remember WE are the ones that are different. Our friends are still the same, before you sleeve you would have jumped at the free opportunites to eat, I know i would. Godspeed on your journey.

[Joe Poppa]

...or look at it on the flip side and have understanding and thanks. They did not have the surgery and don't understand what you are going through.

Graciously accept and be thankful they want to be your friend.
Let them know in advance that you can not eat a large amount of food and there are certain foods you may not be able to eat yet.

[tinman]

I'm with Joe on this one.

Here's a question. Will you be shunning all dinner party invitations for the rest of your life, or, just the ones that involve your birthday?

It's your birthday. On that day, you should get to choose what you want to do. If the plans your friends have don't suit you, do something about it. It's really not up to them to be sensitive to your new lifestyle. If you make it like that, you'll be disappointed more times than not. Take my word for it. People care that you are making strides for a longer and healthier life, but, they will only care so long as it doesn't impact their personal lives too much.

Joe really did say it best. "They did not have the surgery and don't understand what you are going through."

So, take the reins and plan a get together that suits you. I mean after all, you are the new dynamic in the group and your friends can't be expected to grasp the enormity of the changes you have been through and are experiencing.

Go ahead and organize that hike and ask one of your friends to find an extravagant recipe for hot chocolate and then carry it in a thermos to be enjoyed outdoors on top of a mountain. I think that once you draw your line in the sand and demonstrate your determination to live a different kind of lifestyle, the good friends will adapt and respect you and the ones that can't make the connection will fall to the wayside.

You'll be sleeved for the rest of your life. It's time to establish a few ground rules for your friends. The sooner you realize that you have to be the one in control of how you socialize, the quicker you can decide how, when, and where you choose to do that.

You have the power and determination.

[Amy_Lynn]

Happy early birthday! I understand your frustrations. I had my surgery in July and I was on a pure liquid diet since June 18. I am the "grill master" at my house so you can only imagine how difficult (and hurtful) it was to have to prepare the food for our 4th of July cookout knowing that I couldn't eat it. My oldest son plays football and sometimes after a game we will go out for dinner and I'm like "really, there is NOTHING I can eat here!" I understand you completely and I do feel people should think of other ways to celebrate your birthday rather than a meal.

[mem222]

I don't understand why you can't go and just eat what you can eat? If there are foods that you just can't eat, let them know. Maybe they aren't "in" to hiking or other activities. If it is hard for you to be in such a setting, let them know, but also think about how often you and your friends got together for dinner before your surgery.

[Sarasjourney]

It's already been said but seriously if it bothers you that much, do something about it. Suggest you do other things. People are used to celebrating with food and even though they know you had this surgery and are restricted, their go-to still is food and lots of it. Like Joe said, these people didn't have the surgery so they don't understand.

It's a hell of a lot better than sulking about it on a day that should be celebrating your life. If you don't like what others have planned FOR you, plan something for yourself and invite them. Who says they have to come up with all the ideas? It's your day, do what you want whether your friends tag along or not. Don't just be a bump on a log about the whole ordeal and make yourself mad over something YOU CAN CHANGE.

[natex14]

Not to be mean, but it sounds like you are taking something that someone is doing nice for you and turning it into a personal attack. I still go over people's house for dinner and people still come over mine. Dinner is something you still have to do after surgery. It's not like they are inviting themselves to your place, they are inviting you to theirs.

Don't sweat the small stuff in life, because it will eat you and cause you to get bitter over someone trying to spend time with you because they care about you. Not everyone is out to get you. Keep smiling and working on becoming a better you.

[Bufflehead]

I guess I struggle with the concept of adults caring very much about birthdays in the first place. I always thought about that as something for children? Or is my family just weird that way?

[Sarasjourney]

I guess I struggle with the concept of adults caring very much about birthdays in the first place. I always thought about that as something for children? Or is my family just weird that way?

It depends. Some grown ups like to celebrate birthdays much like you do with kids--have an event. Some just like to go out for drinks at a bar. Some don't celebrate them at all whether because they don't care or they hate the "reminder" that it makes them older. Personally for me and my family, we celebrate birthdays by going out to dinner or having home cooked dinner at my Aunt's house and giving presents. We do it for everyone's birthday. It's mainly about getting together with everyone and having a good time more than it's about the food.

[Kodi's Mom]

If you don't feel comfortable celebrating your birthday with meal with your friends why don't you suggest something you'd rather do with them? If they are close enough for you to have told them about your surgery, surely you could find a polite way to suggest an alternative celebration with them.

[longingfortall]

I had an invite to a friends for a game night and just took my own food. Not a problem.. But I do understand the frustration of dinner as the only way to celebrate. I had my surgery in May when I got back to work after working from home for awhile they wanted to take me out for my birthday and return to work and my 40th anniversary with my company and the restaurant we went to had NOTHING I could have..... They did have avacado slices so for $ .75 - makes me a cheap dinner partner.... LOL!

[terrora]

Thanks for all the responses. I was just being a big baby and went through a real low week. Thanks for not ripping my head off