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Thread: Well-intentioned comment or downright offensive???

  1. #1
    Gastric Sleeve Member amykarryn's Avatar
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    Default Well-intentioned comment or downright offensive???

    I was at a friend's house without my husband and 15 month old. My friends, another couple who have a baby two weeks older than my son, knows about my upcoming surgery. I was talking about it, and against my normal secrecy about my weight, i told her I was 255 when i started the program in May, was hoping to lose 10 or so pounds on the pre op liquid diet, and by the end of the first six weeks, i was hoping to be around 200 pounds. She promptly said to her husband, "Honey, if i ever start complaining, don't let me forget that there are other people out there worse off them me".

    I didn't really say much but i can't tell you how much i long to not be the topic of such comments. Why would someone say that??? I would never say "Honey? It's too bad about our friend XYZ's face. You can always remind me when i complain about my crooked nose that there are people out there alot worse off than me..."

    Really???
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    Gastric Sleeve Member tmclenn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Well-intentioned comment or downright offensive???

    Good Lord! That was in bad taste
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    Gastric Sleeve Member niamh's Avatar
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    Default Re: Well-intentioned comment or downright offensive???

    It would depend a lot to me on things like tone of voice, how close you are etc on whether or not I'd find that comment offensive. I use the rule that if my friends are good to me 95% of the time, and just occasionally peeve me with something a bit insensitive or thoughtless, they're worth holding onto. Is she generally supportive and positive?
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  5. #4
    Gastric Sleeve Member amykarryn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Well-intentioned comment or downright offensive???

    It seems like all my friends are self absorbed and oblivious to how their comments could be taken.
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    Gastric Sleeve Member Gredonna's Avatar
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    Default Re: Well-intentioned comment or downright offensive???

    That totally stinks! I am VERY selective on who I tell because of responses or statements like these. I am just like you - I do NOT want to be the topic of everyone's conversation. I am sure she did not mean to offend you personally- she was just thinking of herself. It hurts though when you finally do tell someone and something like this happens. In the end - you win because you are taking care of YOU
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    Default Re: Well-intentioned comment or downright offensive???

    Did he act embarrassed at all at her response?
    I'm constantly removing my foot out of my mouth - so I tend to feel for other people who walk around with their own foot in mouth problem.
    It was rude, and probably a good opportunity to see why you shouldn't share things you wouldn't want announced to others.

    On the other hand, own who you are and who you want to be, with pride! (And just think, I wish so much I had heard about this surgery when I was 255 pounds, instead of starting out at 379...you've got this and you can be proud of yourself for taking control now!)
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    Gastric Sleeve Member AngelNP's Avatar
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    Default Re: Well-intentioned comment or downright offensive???

    what an idiot ;she sure is showing her ignorance.
    I'm sorry you had to be exposed to the ignorance.
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    Gastric Sleeve Member xxtac66's Avatar
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    Default Re: Well-intentioned comment or downright offensive???

    Wow...blunder! Obviously TOTALLY self-absorbed. Dont take offense. She's an idiot who didnt realize what was coming out of her mouth. Oh Karma!
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    Default Re: Well-intentioned comment or downright offensive???

    I would cast a vote for "downright offensive". This type of thing is exactly why I don't tell people about the surgery or my weight. Truth be known, she is probably afraid that you are going to lose weight and get even more beautiful than you already are, and you will outshine her. I find that most of these types of comments are made out of jealousy and ignorance.
    I agree with Niamh. You'll have to decide whether or not the friendship is worth overlooking that comment and moving on. You might even consider telling her how much that comment stung. I had someone tell me once that "If it feels like a punch to the gut, it was intended as a punch to the gut!" and I have found that to be pretty accurate.
    I congratulate you for doing what you need to do to be healthy and improve your life. It is she who showed her @$$ here, not you.



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    ACE
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    Default Re: Well-intentioned comment or downright offensive???

    I have noticed as I go further and further down this path I am more apt to call my "friends" on their snide remarks or when they seem to try to put me down. I think at this point i would have probably straight up told her how rude she was, that is horrible for someone who is supposed to be a friend to say. If someone needs to put you down like that they aren't a friend! There are plenty of people out there who will treat you like a person and not a "fat" person. I can't stand when people put others down we all need to remove labels and remember we are all people fat, thin, black, white, Asian, tall ,short who cares, we all have feelings and a comment like that is just flat out arrogant and rude! I hope you don't take it to heart and remember when people find a need to act like that usually they are seeing in you what they dislike about themselves so really they are talking about themselves!
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  14. #11
    Gastric Sleeve Member Texgal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Well-intentioned comment or downright offensive???

    Well people like that drive me crazy. Luckily everyone
    I'm around is happy for me. If she normally is a person that talks out if her butt I would put her in her place. Those people don't think before that speak. They won't remember it later so I have learned to speak up to them. It lets them know that hurt your feelings. I don't mean be rude because that then puts you in there spot. Be the better person and just tell em. They normally don't ever remember they say that,
    Its not the mistakes in life that are important; its what we learn from them. ~Donna Guthrie


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  15. #12
    Gastric Sleeve Member Texas Girl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Well-intentioned comment or downright offensive???

    Quote Originally Posted by JulieJ View Post
    I would cast a vote for "downright offensive". This type of thing is exactly why I don't tell people about the surgery or my weight. Truth be known, she is probably afraid that you are going to lose weight and get even more beautiful than you already are, and you will outshine her. I find that most of these types of comments are made out of jealousy and ignorance.


    I have found this to be my experience too. When I lost a ton of weight on my last diet, I was shocked at the friends I LOST. It was a new experience for me and it opened my eyes a lot to this type of behavior.
    JennyD and divingdiva like this.
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  16. #13
    Gastric Sleeve Member divingdiva's Avatar
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    Default Re: Well-intentioned comment or downright offensive???

    I have told no one but those who I know will support me! Even my mother doesn't know!
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  17. #14
    Gastric Sleeve Member ElleMarie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Well-intentioned comment or downright offensive???

    I have a family member who said she would never "cheat" like I did, that she believes in losing weight the "right" way.

    I just let it go, though it DID hurt. She is now at least 40 lbs heavier (this was last year) and last I heard (I don't live near her) she is thinking about the surgery.

    Remember...living well is the best revenge.
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  18. #15
    Gastric Sleeve Member overweighttoolong's Avatar
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    Default Re: Well-intentioned comment or downright offensive???

    I vote for downright offensive. Even if that thought that was going through her head it was something she should have kept to herself. I can totally understand your hurt. I am a firm believer in "if you don't have something nice/positive to say, then say nothing at all" unfortunately so many people are not. Do your best to turn the other cheek and if possible limit your time around this person.



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