The 'concern trolls' are at it...

[metroplexchl]

When my daughter was born with Down syndrome many years ago, I heard a lot of uncaring, negative thoughts from some family and friends, and was dumbfounded.... and at times today it still holds true.

--That is unbelievable!

I'm a strong woman but I do not need to hear the Debbie Downers of the world giving me their opinions of things they know nothing about.

--Do not let this occupy space in your brain. And then be thankful you've been shown who you can't trust or doesn't deserve your friendship.

[Katrina]

I feel like being overweight has become the desired look over the last few years. It's wild to me. I've always known my husband was a "chubby chaser." I did not know that so many other men were as well. I felt so gross and unattractive overweight, yet I got hit on ALL THE TIME. I had gigantic boobs (38H) and no ass. Now I NEVER get hit on. I still wear a 32D, but these boobs are pitiful, and I dare think this bra size is a lie.

Thankfully my husband loves me. He'd love there to be more of me, but he loves ME. My friends and even strangers have no problem telling me I look like shit, like a skeleton, to eat a cheeseburger, etc. Everyone says I'm frail and feel like they're going to break me when the hug me. Yes, I'm tiny, but I feel good. My body feels good (except for this dastardly shoulder! ) That's what is important, isn't it? People need to worry about their own asses, their rather sizeable ones at that, instead of mine.

[DesertGal]

I feel like being overweight has become the desired look over the last few years. It's wild to me. I've always known my husband was a "chubby chaser." I did not know that so many other men were as well. I felt so gross and unattractive overweight, yet I got hit on ALL THE TIME. I had gigantic boobs (38H) and no ass. Now I NEVER get hit on. I still wear a 32D, but these boobs are pitiful, and I dare think this bra size is a lie.

Thankfully my husband loves me. He'd love there to be more of me, but he loves ME. My friends and even strangers have no problem telling me I look like shit, like a skeleton, to eat a cheeseburger, etc. Everyone says I'm frail and feel like they're going to break me when the hug me. Yes, I'm tiny, but I feel good. My body feels good (except for this dastardly shoulder! ) That's what is important, isn't it? People need to worry about their own asses, their rather sizeable ones at that, instead of mine.

People need to worry about their own asses, their rather sizeable ones at that, instead of mine. LOL!

[Christie13]

I know,right?! When will someone look at us and say, "jeez. Eat a cheeseburger, will ya?"

I will hug that person till I squeeze a fart out of them!

Hahahaha!! I just snort laughed at that!!

[Christie13]

So I read your post and could completely understand. I heard a lot of people judge my sister after she had the surgery and got "too thin". And I think a lot of it does come from a place of jealousy or insecurity disguised as concern. And while my sister was absolutely fine with sharing her surgery and progress pictures with her Facebook friends and anyone in real life, I have chosen a more private path. I shared with close family and only close friends. The people that do know are very supportive. And while other people know I am losing weight, they think it is just through a low carb lifestyle and dieting. So far no one has felt inclined to tell me I am getting to thin but I am still not at goal. I still can't understand why people feel the need to body shame each other whether it is too big or too small. People are just so nasty sometimes. I am glad you don't care what they think but I know that even when I don't care what someone think it still bugs the shit out of me. Hopefully your friend does not succumb to their negativity and fall back to bad eating habits.

[Christie13]

Man that sucks. There are some seriously disconnected and uncaring people out there. Unfortunately, they are sometimes in our own families. One thing I learned long ago from a mentor was this phrase about anything negative someone says to you (provided that the negative person isn't someone you trust telling you something you need to hear): "Do not let that occupy space in my brain!"

We went through some of this when we adopted our first child. It's strange how un-empathetic people can be at times. But on a positive note....sometimes it takes years and years to learn who you can't trust. These yahoos made it crystal clear in one day!

People were actually negative to you about adoption??? What in the hell???

[Sandra3]

I personally believe that people who are comfortable in their own skin don't focus so intently on others.

People with no life have nothing else to do but focus on other people and make nasty comments about them. Is it coming from insecurity in their own bodies, jealousy, or just the result of years of bullying? the reason is not that important anyway because the result is the same.

Celebrate the birth of the Christ by bashing a family member and her friend hum..right......but after all people celebrate Xmas for the gifts right?

At least your friend has you as an ally. It's important in life to have good friends, I found them more reliable than family members.
I have a wonderful husband and my children are the most supportive. But most of my other relatives are just plain awful, I do have a large family, 50 cousins and we don't have the same life style...

We don't chose who we share our DNA with. Sometimes some of my family members look to me like if they were coming from an other planet. I'm glad I don't have to deal with them often. No wonder we've been working overseas for the past 15 years. We do miss our dear friends but not many people from my family! At least my in laws are nicer...

In life what does really count at the end is to be happy.
I must say that I always thought that I was lucky on so many levels, I met amazing people in my life, I was able to have children when all the odds were against me, and I almost died several times because my health is really complicated, but I was also lucky to have great doctors who helped me and kept me alive.

I realized last week that none of my doctor, not even one ever talked to me about bariatric surgery. And it's been well known for years as being the "best" solution for morbid obesity! it just made me realized that even for doctors it's not yet "the solution" and it should be!!
So for people with no medical training of course it is not "natural". People are scared of the unknown. It will take time for the society to change and accept the fact that obesity is a disease. In the mean time who have to be in the best health possible, do our best to pamper that great gift of a new life that we received with the sleeve. Whatever other people say or think: it's just noise. I only listen to music

[azladyrider]

I got to the point where I cringed at going out anymore and socializing with my friends - there was one woman that constantly every freaking time I saw her (which was nearly every event or party) would come up with a concerned face and condescending tone "How ARE you???" Ugh - I'm fine thanks, next subject please. My best female friend knew I found the woman annoying and being mutual friends the woman had called her to ask about me too. My friend bless her heart said "look if you keep bringing up Sue's weight in public and to her she is gonna go off on you sometime and it's going to be really soon, knock it off for your own good or this is gonna get ugly" Well she didn't heed that advice and sure as crap we were at a wedding reception and as I was walking through the crowd of about 70 mutual friends she said something AGAIN - I stopped and hesitated as my other friend saw the look on my face and knew what was about to happen lol I heard her say "uh oh here we go" and I turned and said rather loudly "look what is your fu**ing obsession with MY weight and MY body and MY life? You might be better off to handle your own weight and issues and keep the hell away from mine got it?" She was stunned but most of my other friends knew the background and knew it was coming. I walked off and stopped short of telling the woman that her very own husband had come up to me at another event a few weeks before and told l me how good I looked and how he wished his own wife would lose her weight and then he asked me for the name of my surgeon.

My body, my choice, my life BACK OFF - sometimes you just have to be firm and the comments will stop and if they don't ignore them hard as it might be. I think for some people it's not that we are getting too thin or losing too much weight; it's that the people around us are so used to seeing us big that when we get small it's a shock to them. That's their problem - the key is to not make it our own

[azladyrider]

I know,right?! When will someone look at us and say, "jeez. Eat a cheeseburger, will ya?"

I will hug that person till I squeeze a fart out of them!

Oh god - yeah like we haven't heard that one before. A friend of mine worked in the prison system and I stole her line of "yeah the next time someone tells me to eat a cheeseburger I am going to go buy a large bag of them and BEAT that person with them"

[Christie13]

Just saw your before and after pics. You look wonderful! Don't let them tell you that you don't! You look healthy.

[sraebaer]

Oh god - yeah like we haven't heard that one before. A friend of mine worked in the prison system and I stole her line of "yeah the next time someone tells me to eat a cheeseburger I am going to go buy a large bag of them and BEAT that person with them"

I would tell that person, "Sure let's go out and have a cheeseburger. I'll eat a quarter of it, and you can have the rest!"

[ghost_ryder]

I am beginning to get the same reactions from people, especially the really skinny ones. In church yesterday, no exaggeration, five people asked how much more I was going to lose because I was getting to skinny. Each and everyone was told, no- I have a 40 inch waist and I still weigh 245 pounds. Neither of those is close to considered healthy. I will lose weight until my body says it has had enough or my nutritionist/doctor say enough is enough. One person was a guy who weighs maybe 160 pounds and only a couple of inches shorter than me. Another was an older lady who said "I need some weight so when I fall I can bounce." LOL, there is that and I am more likely to fall when I cant lift my feet over the edge of the carpet. I will take my chances.

I get where this comes from, I was so big just a few months ago that this fat looks healthy, compared to the Goodyear blimp. I promise them the doctor is very happy with my progress, and so am I. I get that I will likely be heavier than most people my size, I am 6'1" and have really short legs (31" inseam) so I am all upper body. I think part of it also is that my clothes are beginning to get baggy again which hides rolls and folds. I think the other is that people think they are paying compliments and are not quite sure what to say so they make small talk that we look at as destructive.