Nervous and having doubt

[msstori]

Tomorrow i am supposed to get the same call I was supposed to get last week giving me my new surgery date. I keep wondering if the constent delays are god's way of telling me I am not ready for this change.
I havent started by pre op diet because I don't know what date my surgery will be. I feel like Ihave been eating just whatever - not really going overboard (somedays maybe so) but just not being careful. Am I sabatoging myself? Shoes I still be in "diet mode" or am I stressing for nothing?
I want the surgery and I know I am just scared, but the being scared and the "last supper" syndrom is getting to me.
Sorry I just needed to get that out.

[*Lindsey*]

I went through a similar situation. My insurance lost their contract with the hospital where I was supposed to have the surgery...They did not recontract for almost 2 months, which was more than frustrating. My surgery was changed 4 times!!!!

I am a very optimistic person, and I love it when life throws me a few curve balls....just so I can show it whos boss lol. I ALWAYS WIN!!!!

You have a determination, just stick with it. It will get easier!

[LadyLacey]

I have the same exact thoughts!! I've always had a problem with the number 6. Especially 666. Well, my flight is on 6/6/2012. I have booked 3 seats. They all have the number 6 in them, 26A, 26B, 26C. I'm also extremely afraid of flying as it is!!
My surgery date is on 6/13/2012... I ask you the same question? Is this God's way of warning me? I have no idea! I think I'm just being paranoid sometimes & the freaking 6 is just a number!

[*Lindsey*]

I honestly believe that situations are what you make of them. I mean...some people might consider those numbers to be lucky ) My wedding date is 6/16/06...And I chose it that way lol. Best of luck ladies

[LadyLacey]

Love you eye makeup!!

[LadyLacey]

I have no plans on changing a thing girly so wish me luck!!!

[*Lindsey*]

Thanks Lacey...I am a bit of a "MAC whore" lol LOVE makeup! Great to hear that nothing will change. Best Of Luck! Muahhhh!

[aprilkmarino]

I understand what you're going through. I started my preop diet last Wed but fell and found out my foot was fractured the Monday before. I was pissed thinking this was the sign as I was told surgery had to be postponed if it was broken. I didnt know how much I wanted this until it was taken away. I was referred to ortho surgeon the next day and he gave me a walking boot. I called my gs surgeon and she said as long as its booted and not casted we're good to go bc I'm still mobile so no blood clot worries, well why didn't they say that from the start?! Lol So was the fracture a sign to postpone or was the go ahead a sign to continue? Truth is there are no real signs, if something means or makes that much sense for only you to notice and question thats what you need to do, examine why you think you're sabotaging yourself, what are really in fear of, its a complete lifestyle change almost like a divorce. Youll lose old habits, familiarity maybe evwn people you thought were closest to you. Discovering who you are can be frightening and it would be wrong to just overlook that, take the time to decide whats right for you, you be in charge and dont wait for signs. Positive thoughts are with you

[msstori]

I am sure I wont change anything, I think more than anything it is nerves and self doubt. I know this takes a lot of commitment beyond the surgery date. I have failed at so many attempts at weight loss I think it is hard for me to see this as a real solution.

I am not afraid of the work, and being on here will help because I know what motivates me (other people) so I am hoping to use that to my advantage by being here everyday since everyone has been so encouraging and helpful so far.

I'm not the biggest baby in the world, I have had 5 kids, 2 by c-section, Lymphoma cancer and by the grace of god I have gotten through them. The fight is in me i know it is - I just reserve the right to whine at 2:30in the morning just because I realized I am scared a little,...

Thanks for listening

[msstori]

April thanks so much! And your right, I know you are. I really think tonight was the first day I truly understood all that I signed up for. I still want it, it's just a little bit overwhelming tonight.

If I could fast forward to the "normal" feeling after surgery (Ya know, no pain - understanding how I have to eat - being in the routine, being able to walk miles at a time - did I mention no pain?) I would be fine. SO if anyone has the fast forward button on the remote this would be a lot easier. Crazy as it is, those are the things I worry about. Hell my divorce from my 1st husband was easier than this, that was a simple logic (cut of the leg that bleeds the most lol) This is a little higher and doesn't bleed the most but it does feed the most....

Thanks again

[Chuck D]

I had my doubts and fears before surgery. I can tell you now 2 weeks out, that I am glad I had the surgery. The day of my surgery there was a power outage at the hospital, and my surgery was delayed a little over a hour so they could get the OR"s back to normal.
What i am trying to say is our fear's are normal.

[brianamato]

Yep, I think we all had the same feeling.. "if they delay this one more time Im not getting it done..." guess what - I did not want to die a fat man at 45..

[jodiel]

I agree with the others. So many of us have our fears and doubts. This is a very serious surgery. The point is, how bad do you really want it? Some people want things so bad, they are willing to go through hell and high water to get it. Think of all the hoops you have to jump through to get to that surgery date. I was laying in pre op thinking to myself, "If you don't get up now and walk out, it will be too late." I didn't get up though. I went through with it. The first two weeks were pure hell and I thought everyday why in the hell would anyone want to put themselves through it. If someone would have asked me then if I would recommend the surgery I would have told them to run the other way. But 7 weeks have passed now. I'm down 42 pounds. I was wearing a 26W and now I'm in a 20. I feel great. My energy level is through the roof and I am so thankful that I had this opportunity and chance at a new life.

That being said, I still have bad days. I have had stalls and just being depressed days. But they pass and the good days are great!!! I just posted some pics today on Facebook page. The first ones were taken the day before surgery. The last ones were taken this morning. Looking at the difference is amazing. We are leaving to go on vacation week after next. One thing I wanted to do was zip lining. Before my surgery, that was not an option. I was over the weight limit. Now I'm under the weight limit and I can go!!! I can't wait.

Instead of looking for signs of why not to have the surgery, put it in God's hands and be thankful that you have this opportunity at a new lease on life.

[msstori]

And that puts it in a perspective I can even ignore,... Thanks! I am waiting by the phone for my call,... excited again

[aprilkmarino]

Im glad you're able to take a breath and put things in perspective whatever perspective is right for your situation. Its always good to question and sort through your feelings before you take a plunge unfortunately that can lead to self doubt but you'll know whats righr for you in the end. Honestly no one is in complete control and if they were they wouldnt be here whether theyre.doing this for health or cosmetic reasons, so yes, you deserve to cut yourself abreak sometimes, we all do !