Do you tell people that you had surgery?

[Jewel]

I think this subject is a little sensitive, and I certainly don't want to offend anyone....
But I gotta know. Do you proudly tell everyone that you had surgery and embrace it? Or do you tell people that you've made lifestyle chages and started excercising? (which is also very true)
I was at a family function over the weekend that reunited me with lots of people who I haven't seen in a year or so. Of course, the "you look wonderful!"s came out and it was all very flattering... but then it was also very uncomfortable, oddly enough.
I found myself thinking 'did my mother tell all these people that I had surgery? Is that why they're saying this to me?' And why do I feel guilty, like I don't deserve their compliments.. because i had surgery? I'm not even sure that is what I'm feeling, I just know that I felt uncomfotable and I'm trying to sort out my feelings as to WHY...
Or maybe nobody cared, and they were just being nice... ugh ~ I'm so torn on how I feel.But at the time, I felt like I should purge myself of my guilty little secret.

What do you tell people? Does everyone that you work with know? All your friends and family? I need input!

[compact]

Thanks for raising this Jewel. At present I don't plan to tell anyone but my partner, who is very supportive. I am afraid of being exposed to more prejudice from people, including family and friends, who don't understand obesity or the surgery. I'm not really here on earth to convert everyone to my point of view, and besides I expect that the physical and emotional work is hard enough without others making a commentary on how I'm doing and what they think about it.

The reservations I have about keeping such a big secret are: I'm never good at keeping secrets; I feel dishonest with the young ones in my family, some of whom struggle with obesity themselves; I feel bad expressing the idea that diet and exercise are the solution, since I know that for me they did not and would not work.

So I am very torn about this and appreciate you raising it. It has been discussed in slightly different ways on the Board before and I am still processing the answers.

Hope you have many replies.

Nel

[Jewel]

I'm hoping for many replies as well!

I will say that the more I think about it, If someone asks me directly.. I will not be dishonest. 'Yes, I've had surgery' is my immediate answer.
I suppose that I really don't care what people think (that would be fairly pointless now that I've already done it, wouldn't it?) Yet when someone asks 'how are you doing it?'... it's a different answer. I'm confused as to where i stand, how much i need to share, and with whom...

I think I know where my issues are coming from tho. My obese sister told me that I was taking the easy way out when i shared my decision with her last year. Talk about a slap in the face... That was the most hurtful thing that anyone has ever said to me. i have forgiven her, but it made me realize that not alot of people feel the same way that i do. As a matter of fact, I've decided that anyone who could say that has obviously never spent their life battling their weight and being disappointed again and again. Or maybe they're jealous because they're not able to take this step themselves?

[cjrose]

Jewel,

I only told 3 of my closest friends back home. I've been living overseas since Jan of last year and will return to LA at the end of July. I have told all my friends here in Hong Kong about the surgery. My friends here have all been amazingly supportive and I wish I had told them about the surgery sooner instead of just 2 weeks before the surgery. When I go back to LA I will absolutely tell people that I had surgery when they ask. I'm actually stealing someone else's line, "Diet, exercise and 1 1/2 hours of surgery." I figure if they talk trash, which I know a few of them will do, it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that I am healthier.

[Tammy64]

Here's my scoop....WELL HELL YEAH....I got a SLEEVE. I could loose 100 + lbs on my own, but it always mananged to come back. So I tell folks I had a procedure done that gave me a TOOL that will enhance my LIFE. It helps me controll my eating and if I choose to work it properly I will be able to keep the weight off for good this time..NO MORE ROLLER COASTER for me. Now if they care to judge me any different....so be it. But I feel good about my decision...yes I recommend it to anyone who has struggled with this issue...the only regret I have is I didn't do it sooner.

THE EASY WAY OUT....HELL NO! This wasn't easy....BUT its permanent. Ask the fool, who questions you... Did you respect me before when I was fat, unhealthly and couldn't play with my kids? Why don't you respect me now that I'm healthy, can run circles around your ass and I'm living a thinner life?

SO I lift my glass of water to you SLEEVED FOLKS....Here's to the best decision WE'VE ever made and to healthier life styles and BETTER SEX LIFE and OUR CONTINUED GOOD HEALTH!

[Busybee]

I'm pretty open about what I've done. I feel that if one person sees how happy and positive I am about the changes I've made and decides to get help wth obesity then it's a good thing. If someone wants to bash on me about it then they'd better be ready for the shit storm that will come back at them. Sorry for the strong wording. Obesity is a disease! I do not hear anyone telling diabetics insulin is the easy way out or asthmatics that they don't need their oxygen tanks. This is HARD WORK. But it is worth it in the long run. I wish people would not wait til they had the comorbidities that obesity brings on them. This was a long term health decision for me, looking good is just a bonus. Whatever and whoever you decide to tell your story to I hope you receive support. It was not easy for me to decide to so this. My hubby is morbidly obeses and refuses to consider surgery as an option. We go through the same loss and gain of 75 pounds each year for his job. I have told him wouldn't it be great to lose the weight once and for all. He just is not interested. Good luck with your journey.

[leesooim]

I tell everyone that asks, and sometimes will tell people as a "head's up" kind of thing as well.

For example with regard to the head's up mentality, I started a new job recently and my new co-workers took me to lunch on my first day. Because I know how weird it looks to people who don't know when you say you're full after 4 or 5 bites, I was up front with them. I chose to tell them immediately because I knew from my interviews that this was a close knit team, and I didn't want them to wonder if I was on a special diet, or starving myself thin. Plus, since I am still shedding pounds regularly, I didn't want them to notice a faster than normal weight loss and become concerned. I wasn't apprehensive about it at all when I told them either, because even if they didn't approve, I could have cared less. The surgery is done, i can't undo it, and I am doing my damnedest to make the best of it, to hell with what anyone else thinks! Plus, I wanted to start off on the right foot with trusting my co-workers and such since I plan on working here for a good long while, so the sooner it was out, the better :P

I told all my close friends, my mother and of course my boyfriend knew. He knew the day I decided to have the surgery consultation, in fact. And because I would rather people knew at my previous job rather than have them wonder why I took off work for 2 weeks and then came back 30 pounds lighter, I told them as well. I would rather educate about the surgery and what it's like to battle obesity for most of your life than try to keep it a secret and let them think I'm on a crazy diet or whatever.

The only time I don't tell people is at a party where I barely know anyone, including the hosts. I went to a Christmas gathering (surgery was on Halloween), and I barely knew the people there, but I made myself pick at a plate when the hostess noted I hadn't eaten anything yet. Complete strangers that I most likely won't see more than once a year don't need to (or probably want to) know, so I just don't put the effort forth.

Naturally, these approaches are what works best for ME. I certainly do not look down upon people that aren't as open. I understand that it's a difficult thing, especially if faced with someone who looks down on you for your decision, but I firmly believe that what's best for one person may not be for another, and I just don't want to let people who don't agree with me dictate my actions or feelings

[dale]

I think you have a very healthy attitude about it. If someone asks directly, tell them you have had surgery. Otherwise, I see no reason to proselytize about it. There will always be some people ( mostly those who have never been as big as we have) who will not understand and will make negative judgements. But the folks who really care for you will just be happy for you.

I told only my immediate family (husband, son, daughter-in- law). And my hairdresser, because my hair coming out was an issue for a while ( not anymore). When folks at work or at extended family functions ask me what I am doing, I am truthful--- I watch what I eat and I exercise. That's not being deceitful at all, because it's the truth. Of course, I am now 10 1/2 months out, so that is what I am doing. Remember that the sleeve is just a tool, it is not a magic bullet. You do have to do the other things (eat right, exercise, etc.) to be successful. So, don't fell guilty about the compliments you get from people who don't know about your surgery. The surgery was just a part of the whole program. YOU have done this, YOU are doing all the right things, and YOU deserve all the accolades you get!

[Bea]

All my family, friends and CoWorkers know that I have had the Surgery. I have to say that 97% of them were very supportive when I told them I was going to have the surgery and the other 3% have come around since surgery. I have a good support group which really helps tremendously. I'm also not shy about telling anyone else. A few days ago I went out to lunch with my daughter.. We asked if we could just split the dish... The Waitress said no problem and asked if we would like to add a extra salad bar for $2.99. I said thank you but no because I had Bariatruc Surgery recently and couldn't eat more then a few bites. The Waitress was very understanding and said no problem at all. ( This was at a Ruby Tuesday's by the way ) So yes.. I will tell everyone and then some.. lol

[ExGorda]

I only told my family and handfull of close friends.

[Jerome]

I have told my family and my friends.

I have not and will not tell my colleagues at work, simply because it is none of their business. I think we dont protect our private realm enough - and in the UK I dont even have to tell my HR department what procedure I am having to take the time off work. All they need to know is that I am having surgery.

In England people are unlikely to come up and ask you directly if you have had surgery as that is an invasion of your privacy - but if they did I dont think I would lie about it. I would either tell them the truth or tell them it's private.

As for telling strangers....they dont need my life story, even if they want it

[Mandy Hislop]

I've been pretty honest about it and had mixed reviews. I have had supportive people, and I have had those that have asked "why not diet and exercise" My answer to those ones were "If that worked for everyone do you honestly think there would be ANY fat people????" And then I repeat the Dr. Seuss quote over and over, Those that matter won't mind, and those that mind don't MATTER!

[onmyway2abetterme]

Wow, Jewel, You have expressed all of my sentiments. I have had mixed feelings for a long time. Right now I have chosen to share my journey only with my family and my closest friends. I will decide later how much I will share with others. I agree with cjrose who said "diet, exercise and 1 1/2 of surgery". I really shouldn't care what anyone thinks. I think my biggest fear was criticism. This is definitely not the "easy" way out by no means.

I really began to understand the reasons why I struggled with my weight after starting this journey and becoming more educated about obesity. For me, it was not about eating less. I was eating less and nothing was happening. I was exercising also, I would drop a few pounds and then become stagnant.

I think that your post has made me realize that I should not be "secretive". If someone asks, tell them and not worry about what they think. Because truth be told, I did this for me not anyone else.

[onmyway2abetterme]

By the way, we're both from the Cleveland area

[curvymummy]

i tell everybody lol, its nothing to be ashamed of... ur doing it to make your life alot better. most people are very interested and want to know the ins and outs