LOST: The need to please absolutely everyone; a “just getting through the day” attitude; emotional numbness, size 20 and 18 jeans, 2X, 1X, and XL shirts, and 38 lbs.
FOUND: Independence, real emotion, determination, reality, size 16 jeans, size L shirts, my first goal -being under 200 lbs., energy to exercise
I can’t believe it's been 6 weeks since my surgery!
The time has flown by. It’s surreal thinking about where I was both physically and emotionally on the day I met my sleeve. The day we met, I remember being ready to get it over, knowing I was in good hands (thank you Dr. Alvarez and team), but wondering how I had gotten to the point of having weight loss surgery.
They gave me happy juice and I was out! Next thing I knew, my dad was in my face, and me being the well mannered southern belle that I am, burped as big as I could (not meaning to, of course) right in his face. Oops. That should have been a sign that life had definitely changed! LOL!
How did I get to 229 lbs? Fast food, eating out all of the time, eating while trying to do other things, mindless snacking, becoming a recluse, activities centered around food, pregnancy, excuses …sound familiar? I didn’t do myself any favors with those habits, and I sure didn’t help my kids.
I see numerous links from EndoBariatric regarding obesity, childhood obesity, etc. Every time I read something new, I see myself before the sleeve. It was a time where I dieted, failed, ate everything, and then started all over again. I was miserable, knowing that every time I screwed up on a diet, the cycle would repeat.
Some of my friends have fussed a little about my surgery, saying if everyone just followed what I am doing, anyone could lose weight. Yes, people can lose weight with a low carb, low fat diet, high protein … I did lots of times. But I was hungry, I was emotionally frustrated, I had no energy, and in the back of my closet, I still had all my “bigger” clothes. No more of that!
I am so happy with the outcome of my sleeve, the energy level that I have now, the freedom from depression and achiness, the need for medicine being gone, my hunger decreasing, and the physical and mental strength that comes from accomplishing something good for myself.
This month has been an eye opener, as far as emotional health. I have used antidepressants on and off since I was 20 years old. Now that I look back, I was usually on one when I was heavier, and after losing weight would be off of them again. I took my last dose before going to Mexico for my surgery and have not taken any since.
The other day, I actually laughed until I had tears. I can’t remember the last time I actually “felt” happy and had “real” laughter. Along with the joy comes real sorrow and frustration, too. But that is okay. February 2, 2006 was the last day I had with my mom before she was in an induced coma with ARDS. I think my medicines helped me cope at the time, but being off of them allowed me the opportunity to really grieve. I feel so much more alive now.
I know some who are offended by my choice of having wls, well…I was offended by the life I was living, which was almost non-existent. I hear horror stories from friends who have heard of other wls, well… they haven’t walked a mile in my shoes, they aren’t the one who chose obesity as the bigger risk over surgery. Obesity can cause death, people!
I know that there are complications that occur after surgery, and I'm not talking about the people who have experienced it. I'm talking about people who are closed minded. Most of us understand the risk and complications that are possible from any type of surgery. Obesity was a big enough battle in my life that I felt it was worth it. Thank God, I did.
Thank you all for your continuous support… I’m so lucky to have a sleeve family to share experiences with. Life is good,… I am out and about a lot now. I am taking a few piano students again, getting ready for a trip to Italy, playing softball with my daughter, and exercising with my son. I don’t have near as much time to be on the computer, but I still check in from time to time and keep tabs on posts. Thanks again, and love you all.
I pray that God continues to watch over our recoveries, our sleeve journeys, and our overall well-being. I am truly blessed!
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