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miamiblake33

The Why.

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miamiblake33
, 07-28-2016 at 02:09 PM (1102 Views)
It has been a long time coming. I have tried it all. I have paid thousands of dollars to participate in medically supervised weight loss programs. I have done Atkins, weight watchers, whole 30, Paleo, Chris Powell carb cycling, intuitive eating, meditation, the list goes on and on and on. I'm tired.

I'm 39 years old, a little over a month away until my 40th birthday. If you had told me twenty years ago that I would be 250 pounds I would have laughed at you. I didn't struggle with weight in high school. I got a little pudgy in college but nothing I couldn't manage. Then after having children gained weight and had a very hard time losing and keeping it off. My story is a lot like everyone else's story.

Now I have a 14-year old daughter who is beautiful and thin. She sees herself in pictures and hates herself. I beat myself. I wonder how did my own self loathing turn my daughter against herself. It has to stop. I have to get better.

I'm doing this because I'm tired of suffering and letting my children watch me suffer. I'm doing it because it effects every single part of my life. I don't want to go to family outings. I don't want to go out to dinner. I don't want to meet my fiancée's friends or family. I don't want to live because I'm ashamed of myself. I don't want to have sex because I hate my body. I don't want to meet clients because of my weight. I refuse to suffer any longer. I refuse to imagine a life full of rollercoaster dieting and self loathing. I no longer want to wake up and feel guilty. I'm done. I'm exhausted.

I must have stalked every single page on bariatric bypass surgery. I thought that was what I wanted to do. Go big or go home! I had heard that a friend of mine had gone off to Istanbul and had a sleeve done. I reached out to her. She said it was the best thing she has ever done. She wished she had done it sooner. I was sold. I first reached out to my insurance. I would qualify with the BMI, but I don't have any other complications. So technically I didn't qualify. How bizarre is that? Yep. USA medicine at its best. Let's WAIT until I have heart disease, or high blood pressure, or God forbid a stroke. Nope, sorry I'm not waiting that long and I'm not paying $22K to have it done here.

I admit to being scared of going to Tijuana Mexico. I'm nervous that it is nothing but a "fat factory" and we are shuffled in and out...but ya know something, I care but I don't. As long as it is sanitized, the Doc has a few procedures under his belt, I talk to people that have had success in the hospital I'm going to with the Doctor...I'm in. All in.

So, I'm heading to San Diego on Aug. 11. I will have surgery on the 12th. I'm ready. Part of me wants to push it sooner...but the logical side of me says follow the process.

I'm thrilled to have an online community of people here to talk too and lean on. I'm looking forward to blogging my way through the journey! Cheers life the way it is supposed to be.

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  1. Crisps's Avatar
    Hi Miami, well done, it's not a decision you will regret at all, I am nearly 50yrs old and feel so much better in myself since my surgery, I apparently didn't have any co-morbidities of being over weight but have since come off Methatrexate and hydroxychloraquin, totally horrid drugs, still on pain killers but that's nothing, I will be thinkin of you on the 12th of August and keep us posted on how you get on
  2. Nandree's Avatar
    I am here now. My surgery was this morning. I have been walking around and basically feeling good. Do this for yourself, you deserve it.
  3. xtalbling's Avatar
    Miami our stories are almost carbon copy but you know I am leaving a week today. Like Ms Nandree says we got this. We are going to kick its butt, we ARE going to get to ONEderland (where our weight is in the 100's).
  4. Sandra3's Avatar
    I see myself in several parts of your story.
    Obesity is a disease and so far only bariatric surgery can help for good!
    I was sleeved six months ago, not at goal yet (should be around one year) but so far don't regret anything, only wished I could have done it sooner!! good luck and take care my friend!
  5. Rosame4765's Avatar
    You just described my story as well. I am on the same course except I am going thru this ridiculous process with insurance. The difference is I DO HAVE HYPERTENSION, HIGH CHOLESTEROL ABD I AM PRE DIABETIC. I don't understand why the process takes 6 months.you would think this surgery is actually preventative maintenance. I wish you the best in your journey and please keep us posted!
  6. miamiblake33's Avatar
    Thank you for your support!! Seeing and reading each and everyone of your stories, dreams, goals, and of course failures is motivating to me. Onward by all means!
  7. miamiblake33's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by xtalbling
    Miami our stories are almost carbon copy but you know I am leaving a week today. Like Ms Nandree says we got this. We are going to kick its butt, we ARE going to get to ONEderland (where our weight is in the 100's).

    I haven't seen the 100's for so long. The thought of it, in this very moment brings tears to my eyes. I'm right behind you every single step of the way! I can't wait to see your glide through surgery and on to the life of your dreams. You deserve this.
  8. miamiblake33's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Nandree
    I am here now. My surgery was this morning. I have been walking around and basically feeling good. Do this for yourself, you deserve it.

    Nandree - you are my inspiration right now! I look for every single post and catalog your experience. Thank you for sharing your journey.
  9. miamiblake33's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Sandra3
    I see myself in several parts of your story.
    Obesity is a disease and so far only bariatric surgery can help for good!
    I was sleeved six months ago, not at goal yet (should be around one year) but so far don't regret anything, only wished I could have done it sooner!! good luck and take care my friend!

    Sandra, I couldn't agree with you more. This IS a disease. I'm in school to be a therapist right now. Everything I learn about addiction and neurobiology points to a biological pattern with obesity. Not a lack of willpower, not a lack of motivation...something biological. Medicine, unfortunately, follows the money and the money is NOT about fixing obesity. It is about making money from it from silly weight loss pills that lead to a small fix but not a permanent one. Then guess what? More weight loss pills. It is sick. If the FDA and CDC and all those government agencies in power really wanted to fix obesity, they would offer this surgery completed covered by insurance, without ridiculous hoops to jump through all day long. The fact that I'm going to Mexico to do this is absurd. When I have a my credentials and a platform I will fight for us all.
  10. miamiblake33's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Rosame4765
    You just described my story as well. I am on the same course except I am going thru this ridiculous process with insurance. The difference is I DO HAVE HYPERTENSION, HIGH CHOLESTEROL ABD I AM PRE DIABETIC. I don't understand why the process takes 6 months.you would think this surgery is actually preventative maintenance. I wish you the best in your journey and please keep us posted!

    There are little flecks of all our stories within each other for sure. The whole insurance thing angers me to my very core. There is no excuse for people like us to suffer when a procedure like this exists. Yes, diet and exercise works. But statistics say 95% of those who diet will gain their weight back. 95%!!! Are you friggin' kidding me? If that statistic is not a kick in the junk of those of us paying crazy amounts of money to diet and exercise than I don't know what is. We are being jerked around. We have been being jerked around and made to feel guilty because we have "no willpower" or "no self-control" because we gained our weight back after dieting. I'm tired of that over used rhetoric. Sick and tired of it. Sorry for the rant...but so many of us suffer with depression and self hate because of our inability to "diet and exercise." I could go on and on.
  11. Mbenson5's Avatar
    Hi! I am so excited for you! It is the best thing that ever happened to me! It took me 4 long years to get to my goal, but is is sweet. Your self-confidence will skyrocket, and you will want to meet your fiancees family and be able to let your true personality shine! Very best wishes to you! Keep us posted!!
  12. Rosame4765's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Mbenson5
    Hi! I am so excited for you! It is the best thing that ever happened to me! It took me 4 long years to get to my goal, but is is sweet. Your self-confidence will skyrocket, and you will want to meet your fiancees family and be able to let your true personality shine! Very best wishes to you! Keep us posted!!
    Thank you for validating my thoughts and emotions. I knew I wasn't completely crazy! LOL
  13. xtalbling's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by miamiblake33
    I haven't seen the 100's for so long. The thought of it, in this very moment brings tears to my eyes. I'm right behind you every single step of the way! I can't wait to see your glide through surgery and on to the life of your dreams. You deserve this.
    YOu just brought tears to my eyes! Thank you and you know what! WE DESERVE THIS!!! And we are going to glide through this together and we are going to be here to celebrate every victory, encourage through every stall, or set back. We are going to come through like shiny new stars! We'll all get there and we'll get there together!
  14. luckygirl's Avatar
    I had insurance .High blood sugars,high cholesterol.high blood pressure.Major joint issues and bad knees.I didn't qualify because my BMI was too low,yet I knew I was more than 70lbs overweight. Had my surgery in June in Mexico .Best decision ever. I've lost 20 lbs in 7 weeks so its coming off slowly. Since surgery I've been off all medications. My foot pain is better and I know my life will improve as the weight drops.
    We've probably all have withdrawn because of the weight ,embarrassment,unable to find appropriate fitting clothes issues. I'm sixty and gained this weight in the last 10 years.I want to be able to enjoy my grandchildren and family, Best thing Ever! Good Luck,you deserve this.