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manzerick

Efforts others don’t see, and even we don’t understand

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Monday, I tested my injured achillies tendon, and took a “Body Pump” class, and followed up with an hour of Vbarre. I have still been weight lifting, doing spin, and yoga but, was not “pushing it”, due to injury.


Well, let me tell you all something: I AM SORE!! (Muscle not achillies, it is fine!! WOOT!!)


Ok, not a news flash.. Why is Manzerick speaking of this soreness?



I mention it because, moving in and out of my car had a “feeling” to it. I knew this feeling. Walking up the steps to work, I looked desperately at the elevator yet, pushed to the steps and painfully stepped up one after another. This felt very familiar to me. My normal bounce in my step was stifled by the creek in my sore body.

I knew this feeling because it was how I felt at 444 pound just living life. Just walking up steps, waking up, getting dressed. It was all a much larger effort than anyone could have known. This is where the “overweight lazy person” stereotype comes from. The effort does not translate to viewable results. This all just hit me.


I look back, and believe not even I understood how much extra effort it took me over a small sized human. I don’t know why it all crashed in me today but, I could feel my insides getting shaky, and I had nerves about it. I believe it’s because I know where I was, and I feel pain for anyone still there.


I fear I will be back there some day. I know the pain is real, and the risk is real.



To anyone out there who is beginning the journey, know that a real good intention is the starting point, and baby steps are the only way. The road is long, and sometimes, there is nothing to see. Victory will not always happen physically but, your intention to change, and begin this life change IS THE VICTORY. Deciding to not accept being a person who is greeted by strangers as “Hey Big Guy”, and someone who is “Hey”. I like being Hey. Hey is a WAY better feeling than someone who in good intentions says “big guy”.



This all hit me at 6:40AM as I creeped into my office to begin that day, and I wanted to share.


One last point, do yourself a favor and keep an exercise journal just as you do a food journal. I have slacked on my food journal lately but, have some theories on it (I will post LOL). I get so giddy seeing “17 mins elliptical” when I first started and “60 minutes elliptical, after 60 minutes yoga” in it now. When I feel low, and that I am not doing all I can, I reflect, and get that warm feeling.


I also read my book that discusses this journey. That majority of my book is imbedded in these posts, except I expand on items, and restate some history. I also make it generic when I can blah blah.


I’m getting serious about releasing it. I still feel emotionally exposed by it, and have it shelved. Last week, I posted about my “200 pounds down”, and seeing people say that I was able to help them, is giving me the push to get over my feelings, and do this for the greater good.


I just feel I can help. I’ve been there, I AM STILL THERE. Day 1, day 100, day 1000.. We all fight the same fight, with the same goal: WE WILL NOT ACCEPT EXCESS BODY MASS!! I never want to lose the fight, and hope my battle will help someone else. I am overjoyed I started this fight, and was able to be strong enough to do it! We all know this is the last options, a desperate attempt to be more than a number on a scale. To be “normal”. That’s all I wanted. “normal”. Walk into a movie theater and not panic “Where do I sit so I don’t sit on top of anyone?” or something like that.


Normal.


That is all I want. To stay normal. I don’t care if I lose my abs again, I don’t care if I cannot play lacrosse again. I just need to be healthy. Please read the “I’s” as you. We all need to put a stake in the ground, and not go past it! I say this because I have failed in the past.. many… many times.


“Success is my only #%$#@ option, failure’s not!” - Emenim




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Comments

  1. Joe Poppa's Avatar
    You are a success story and very inspirational.
    You put the "man" in "manzerick".

    Keep up the great work!