So I am still in the very beginning stage of this process. I have been to several appointments and have been to my first round of classes for behavior, diet, & exercise. I have 3 more rounds each of those classes and several more appointments to go. What I really like about how Kaiser has set this up is that the classes are in a group setting and you are with the same group of people every time so you build friendships and a support system of people going through the exact same process as you. It is incredibly comforting to have that. Everyone in my group has a different story and different issues with this one common goal...to get healthy and lose weight. I have been battling my weight for more than half of my life. I am 38 years old now and I'm starting to develop issues. I have moderately high blood pressure and I am pre-diabetic. I have 4 young children at home and I would love nothing more than to be around to see my great grandchildren so I need to make a change, big time. My pivotal moment in my weight gain was after I had an abortion. I was a teenager and very young and had no real guidance in that department. My family never talked about things like that. I was living away from home at the time, staying with my grandparents. So after this incredibly traumatic event a nurse had suggested I get the depo provera shot. At the time neither the doctor or nurses ever explained to me the possible side effects. One of them being severe weight gain. My body is the type that is something can make you gain weight, it WILL make me gain weight. So, in a 6 month time frame I gained almost 90 pounds. It was insane to turn into this entirely different person in such a short time. I was always on the thick side but never fat. From that point on until this day though, I was fat. My weight slowly continued on an upward journey from having children and a desk job. I love food and dislike exercise so that doesn't help things, lol. I wish I could say I drink 10 sodas a day and eat nothing but MCDonalds and this is why I'm fat. Unfortunately (or fortunately) for me I am one of those essential oil using, tree hugging, non-gmo women lol. I cook healthy most of the time, I don't drink alcohol very often, I very rarely ever get fast food. So why am I so fat? I have issues with portion control. I am always hungry. Sometimes I will eat before I go out to eat with people just so I don't eat so much in front of people. It makes me feel sad writing that. It makes it more real. I am incredibly sedentary. I can sit on the couch and watch tv with the best of them. I also sit all day at my desk. I am recognizing now the kind of damage I am doing to myself. The more I sit, the less I can stand. I get winded walking to the car. I have a lot of things to change and the more I look to change the more I find I need to change. This is a good thing. This recognizing phase is a real eye opener. I can't keep ignoring these things. My pretending none of this is my fault is only hurting myself. I'm only hurting myself when I lie on my My Fitness Pal app by only inputting half of my food in my food diary. Who do I think I'm kidding? Like if I don't enter it, it's not real. I am my own worst enemy. I am hoping and praying that this process helps me get out of my own way because I am my own worst enemy right now. I am killing myself. I don't want to die. I want to live and enjoy my children, and their children, and their childrens children. I want to enjoy my husband and my friends. I want to enjoy things I used to love like surfing, and hiking. I want to be able to tie my damn shows without it being a project. I want to fly on a plane without worrying myself to death if the seat belt will fit or if someone will complain about sitting next to me and make me buy another ticket. I want to sit in a plastic chair without wondering if it will snap under my weight in the middle of a party. So, I am on this journey to lose half of myself. I'm not going to miss her!