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DJmillie

5 days into the Pre Op and still going strong!

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It's hard. It's real hard. Especially when you have a family that needs you to function as if it's a regular day. Cooking the meals, doing the grocery shopping, taking the kids to the movies. I would say I put myself through the ultimate test going to see Mr Peabody and Sherman with my kids, as all the wonderful smells from the concession stand were almost hypnotic. Combine that with all of the suggestive advertising while waiting for the movie to start...oh please! I couldn't have been more tempted if I were Eve herself! But I did it. I sat between my two lil' ones as they happily munched along and I didn't so much as lick a kernel, although I probably considered it more times that I am willing to admit.

If I would've know it was going to be this difficult, I would have been SOOO much more prepared. I would've had the freezer filled with heat and eat meals and I would've made sure that all grocery provisions were stocked to avoid the grocery store. My energy is just now starting to return although I'm still waking up at night from a rumbly tummy and sipping water and hot tea at night also has me in the loo a dozen times before the dawn, so that hasn't helped me sleep much either.

Thankfully, I have my mother en route as I type this, to stay with me until after the surgery (insert Lone Ranger music here!). First of all, everything feels better when Mom is here - but also, I'll be able to duck out at meal times and not have to worry about a food fight breaking out in my absence. I'm a single mother of 2, DS who is 8 and DD who is 4 so it's been a bit of a challenge at times to say the least! I am so thankful I have the support to do this for my family....for myself. I have read the stories of unsupportive family members and denied insurance and the heart-break and disappointment that follows. I am truly blessed to be given this opportunity to regain my health and I am so thankful and appreciative and I will not for a single second take for granted this amazing tool I have been given to regain my health.

So no matter how hard it is choking down chalky protein shakes, no matter how uncomfortable my stomach feels, rumbling loudly at night. No matter the unsightly incision scars, stretch marks, loose skin, heart burn, or vomiting or whatever else having the sleeve may bring....despite it all, I will thank God for the opportunity to L-I-V-E out the rest of my knowing that I will no longer abuse my body with over eating and filling it with junk.

Since I started this journey, I have learned so much about myself - my habits, my weaknesses....but more importantly, my strengths. That I do have control over what I put in my mouth. That I can give the finger to that voice in my head and not give in to food temptations. That I do believe in myself enough to get off the couch and push through the pain of walking. And I look forward to when that walking turns to running and that running turns to mini marathons and mini marathons turn into.....well...ok, I am realistic....I'll never win any tri-athalons....but I will be able to do things that I've missed out on, like kayaking and riding roller coasters...living, truly living and not just watching from the sidelines.

By this time next week, I will be sleeved. By this time next week I will be that much closer to reaching my goal. But for right now, I am proud of myself and all that I have accomplished to get to where I am today. I am so much stronger than I ever realized....it's time that I start believing in myself, because gosh darn it, I AM worth it!

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Comments

  1. brenda2013's Avatar
    best of luck with your Journey and keep up the good work!!
  2. Ladeegee's Avatar
    Great post. You have me so motivated. Best of luck next week and beyond!