calicojack42
Breaking up is hard to do...
by , 08-10-2013 at 04:48 PM (749 Views)
I'm finally ready, and not a moment too soon either. This morning I woke up and took my normal early morning walk, with the same feelings of loss and woe that I have been struggling with for a fortnight. But, something happened after breakfast. I went to put my shorts on and before I tightened my belt, they fell to the floor. Intrigued, I weighed in and found that I was down 21 pounds. Later, my wife and I took the dogs to the park, and suddenly the melancholy broke like a fever.
My stomach and I have been in a love-hate relationship, and it's quite literally killing me. So long as he gets what he wants, my stomach is content to treat me nice, or in the very least, leave me to my own devices. Ignored, he rages and beats me and my mood into the ground. He growls and grumbles and causes me physical and emotional pain. He knows I've been trying to alter our relationship, and as soon as he sees me make a move, he intensifies his attack. When he's appeased and happy, he makes me happy, by telling my brain to release endorphins as a reward for complying. When he's ignored and does not get exactly what he wants though, he rages and howls until I'm beaten down and he gets what he's after.
We've been fighting this week, in the wake of the liquid pre-op diet, and he had the gall (bariatric-pun intended) to insinuate that without him I would be eternally miserable, unable to find joy in life after he's gone. He's said this over and over and over.
Joseph Goebbles once said "If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it." After two weeks of enduring his onslaught, I began to believe my stomach. I had resigned to him, and he was starting to win out- I had convinced myself, via this lie, that I would fail. I would fail, and all I would have to show for it is a pile of medical procedures, a surgery, and a few scars, so why do it anyway.
But my shorts... they fell on the ground.
It took me a little while to connect all of the dots, but there in the park, it finally came together. His lie had been exposed and I was overcome with joy because I knew at that moment that I would succeed. He and I are parting ways on Monday morning. He knows it, but I'm done listening to him. Once all of the dust has settled, I don't doubt that like with any past relationship, I will think of him often- even sometimes fondly, and wonder what things could have been like under different circumstances. But, also like any breakup, the pain and the joy will be left in the past. The next chapter is ready to start, and I'm finally ready to be in it.
- Categories
- Uncategorized
Email Blog Entry
Mark as Read
